Get To Know Me Questions

Okay, for Am Doing My Best, here is a random non-family-update thing to blog about, and it was fun! And now I want everyone I know to do this too!

If you were on an island, who would you want to be with? Why? Mark, duh. He's my super co-vacationer. Wait I'm not on this island forever, right? I get to come home and see my kids and friends and family? So yeah, on the island, Mark and only Mark.

If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? Ooooh the nativity, I think. Or the making of the Sound of Music in Austria in the 1960s. That makes me sound like a total heretic to mention those next to each other in the same answer, but yeah. There it is.

If you could learn to do anything, what would it be? I am a good musician, but I have always been sort of sad I can't play the piano. So, that. Or fly, if we are being implausible. Who wouldn't want to be able to fly?

If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? Gretchen. I've always kinda felt like a Gretchen. Yes really.

If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? Pay off the mortgage, pay for my family's mortgages, buy one fancy gift each for my favorite ten or so people, and then go on vacation. Maybe to that island we just talked about. (That is the first, second, third, and fourth things I would do, because I'm not a rule-follower and also I am wordy.)

If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose? Hermione.

What do you want to be when you grow up? HAHAHAHAHA

What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up? I cry at almost every book, and literally every movie (Mark and Another Nathan can vouch for that. I cried at Ted. TED for crying out loud. I hated that movie! Yet, I cried sappy tears) but I think the last book I cried at was Eleanor & Park, and the last movie I cried-cried in, tears-in-my-neck, snot-soaked sleeves, was Saving Mr. Banks.

What do you miss most about being a kid? Oh, this will be heavy, but I do miss my mom and dad and sister and brother all living in one house. It feels like some level of whole that is very hard to re-create as an adult, although with my own husband and kids now, it is getting there.

What story does your family always tell about you? My sister swears up and down that I told her Hitler lived in our toilet and would come out and get us when we flushed. But I did not come up with that, and I know I didn't, because I was scared of it too! (We were odd children; I can see this now.) I really thought she told me, but she's 32 now and legitimately insists she didn't, so I believe her. Maybe it was the product of someone's bad dream or something and what was one scary idea turned into a joint childhood fear. Or maybe we just watched waaaaaaaay to much of The Sound of Music. Regardless, we believed it, we became experts at the flush & run, and our family still talks about it. HITLER. IN THE TOILET.

What is your dream job? Travel writer. Pay me to take a trip, see new sights, eat new foods, meet new people, notice things to form opinions about them, and then write all about it? Yep. Sign me up.

What cause are you willing to fight for? Correct usage of apostrophes. It is my hill to die on. (Also, equal marriage rights for all people who use apostrophes correctly, regardless of sexuality.)

What was the last national park you visited? Buck Island off St. Croix, where we went snorkeling last year on my brother's wedding trip. Fun fact: it is the only national park that is completely underwater! (Also I am a traveler who is full of fun facts! You definitely want me on alllll your national park trips.)

What was the first thing you learned to cook? I made a lot of hamburger helper for my family when I was a kid, does that count? The first thing I learned to cook cook as an adult was this peasant pasta with sausage and peas I learned from watching Rachael Ray on tv in the early weeks of my marriage. I watched a lot of Rachael Ray on TV in the early weeks of my marriage. A lot.

What book can you read over and over again? A Little Princess, Where the Red Fern Grows, Harry Potter, A Son of the Circus, The Poisonwood Bible.

Did you ever work at an on campus job? Heck yeah I did, I was a happy minion in the music department office (before minions were adorable animated movie characters). I learned important things like: 1- how to make a pot of coffee that doesn't piss off the organ professor, 2- there is no problem that can't be solved by sticking a post-it note on something else, 3- most grownups a generation ahead of me are scared of computers, 4- how to lie talk to prospective students/families about opera and dance programs that didn't really exist at my school 5- to never ever under any circumstances staple a check to anything, ever, especially not a band/orchestra camp application. I can haz mad office skillz.

What was the first concert you went to see? Richard Marx! It was so so awesome. I am not even being sarcastic. I also saw Boyz II Men on Valentine's Day in eighth grade with my (gasp! tenth grade! scandalous!) boyfriend. And his parents. Which was also awesome and that is also not sarcasm.

Who is someone from your past that you are sorry you lost track of? Oh, lots of people. I am all for looking someone up when I think of them, but the ones that can't be tracked down, even online, kinda confound me. The first one that comes to mind is Hank, one of my best buds on foreign study in Germany. Weird we went through this awesome transformative thing together, bonded over our young engagements and similar book tastes, and shared snacks on night trains and laughed til we cried at the automated lady on the phone cards for calling America. We stayed close through the rest of college, and then we got married (on the same day!) and he fell off the face of the earth. Sad. He was smart and fun and lovely. Still is, I'm sure.

If you could see 24 hours into the future what would you do with this ability? Go nuts, I think. That sounds terrible and exhausting. It would send me into a panic of trying to control everything (even more than I do now!) and oh my geesh, suddenly I am very very very glad there are some things we never get to know or predict. YIKES.

If you had it to do over again what would you study in school? I majored in English (with a double major in German) (HASHTAG USEFUL), but I think if I did it over I would do something more writing-ish. Yes, more than English. Like something more about journalism or media or design/communications. That stuff fascinates me now. Actually wait I take it back, I loved my years of reading books and writing papers about them and getting a degree for it. What am I saying? That was super.

What do you know how to say in a foreign language? Lots of things! Want me to write this blog post in cluttered German? Because I can! At one point I could also say "would you please take our photo?" in fourteen langugages because I am That Traveler, and fun! facts! are not the only thing I can offer to a vacation. (Mark rolls his eyes and then feels super glad we have a the pictures, so.)

What was your first paying job? I babysat as a teenager, and then spent my adolescence as a lifeguard, but my first paying job in the "real world" was a sales job for a company that arranged non-profit travel (disaster relief, humanitarian aid, mission trips, that kind of thing). It wasn't what I thought I was looking for when we moved to Raleigh, but I loved the lady I interviewed with and I loved the company's vision (originally borne of the Mennonite church which was odd but lovely) so I took the job, and was so glad I did, because it turns out I am totally good at sales. Not in a schmoozy gross way (I know the word "sales" is a big turn-off to a lot of people) but in a listening to what people need, smart at creative logistics way. I was good at it; my clients liked me and so did my company. I don't mean to sound douchey, just saying it was a great job for me. I did it for like six years, til Anneliese was born, and I would do it again.

(Edited: I just remembered I totally had a job in the "real world" right after we got married, a sports shop in Clemson, where I was hired to something something implement bar codes something men's section buying choices blah blah blah it was retail with a crappy cranky boss and it was not my favorite, but through sale samples, Mark did start to achieve his lifetime goal of owning All The Clemson Shirts.) (Said lifetime goal has since been abandoned.)

What is the strangest food you have ever eaten? I am not a super picky eater, but I also can't think of anything truly weird I have eaten. Once when we were on foreign study in the Netherlands, Mark made me eat a whole pickled (raw? I can't remember) herring drenched in raw onions. It was... not good. (Another Nathan says this is where I should admit I ate food in China that I couldn't identify, which even if the food itself was normal, is apparently not a Normal Person thing to do. So there's also that.)

When was the first time you saw the ocean? I am guessing before I was even a year old, and suddenly I am sad for people who might have a definitive memoried answer for this. Or maybe jealous of them, for having it be a noteworthy memorable experience? I love the ocean, I love the beach, I don't recall ever not knowing what it was or what it was like. I'm a Carolinian so that's to be expected though.

What is most memorable about your high school years? Laughing a lot with my awesome band dork friends. Being completely in puppy-love (and then real love!) with Mark. Constant muscle soreness from swim practice.

What word describes you best? Emotional. I feel everything, everything, like really really feel it. It is sometimes exhausting, but most of the time it is connective and good. I think. I hope? It means I love people really hard, and I wouldn't trade that. So, good.

A Letter to My 20-Year-Old Self

Dear 20-Year-Old Erin,
You'll be come quite predictable over the next decade with your list-making and your round numbers and your unending lust for compartmentalizing portions of your life into tidy packages with no loose ends so you can have closure.  So because of that, this letter (and the list contained within it), written one day after I turn thirty, will surprise no one. 

But I am writing it anyway.

Here is a list of things (thirty things, of course) that I now know, that I wish you knew already.

1.) Don't freak out about turning twenty.  I know you think your teenage years were awesome (note: they weren't, turns out you're a big dork), but your twenties will be oh so much better.  So let go of being a teenager.  It's time to be a grownup.

2.) Stop fighting with Ashley.  You're in an awkward place now, but it will heal and the two of you will come back stronger than ever.  She's the best friend you've ever had.  And she will be again.  You'll come a little closer to seeing things the Ashley way, and she'll come a little closer to seeing things the Erin way.  So both of you need to get over it, and fast.  You're losing precious years of laughing when you choose to bicker instead.

3.) Mark loves that you're smart.  So stop worrying about him thinking you're a nerd (he knows, and he's cool with it).  He's kind of dorky too, although I know you are too love-drunk to see that now.  Just be yourself, geek and all, and don't apologize for it.

4.) Confidence is sexy.  So while you're getting over your worry about being a nerd, you might want to also stop worrying about how cute your boobs look in that bra and how your butt looks in those jeans.  (Everything's going to be shot to hell after two pregnancies and three years of breastfeeding anyway, so just rock what you've got right now, you'll never be hotter.)  Be confident, wear a smile, and know that you look just fine.  (You will have sorrier years and Mark will still want you. For realsies.) When you feel hott, you are hott.  And when you're thirty, you'll understand why you need two T's in hott: the extra one is for confidence.  (It makes sense.  It does.  Just go with it.)

5.) You're living in Germany right now, and I daresay you're not appreciating it enough.  This will turn out to be one of the highlights of the decade.  Drink in every second.  Give the Schroeters lots of extra hugs.  And don't be so scared that your German is terrible.  You're doing beautifully, and you're making your teachers and parents and host parents proud of you.  (Also, when you get deutsch-nervous, wine will always help.)

6.) Be more patient with Mark. Time for some tough love, chica.  Mark is brilliant at so much, why harp at him so much for communication not being his thing?  He can only do it as well as he's been taught, and he was taught very differently than you (word to the wise: a couple things about his way are totally better).  He will work hard, it will get easier, and most importantly, he deserves your kindness about it instead of your criticism.  You're mucking things up more than you realize, and your fights are more your own fault than you are willing to see.  He's going to make more of an effort for you than you could possibly know yet, so stop being so impatient now.

7.) When you get back from foreign study, there will be a guy named David at the end of your row in wind ensemble, with brown hair and glasses.  He will be a friend like none you've ever had before.  Don't wait weeks to figure out that he's dating your new roomie's best friend and then waste precious months resisting his attempts to befriend you. Just run up to him the first time you lay eyes on him, hug him, call him Schatzi and tell him you're his new hardcore bestie.  He will roll his eyes but he will secretly love you instantly, and will teach you oh so much about how to love thy neighbor.  (Heads up: don't tell him how much you love Survivor yet.  He needs to know you better first.  Plus, you'll get over that Survivor thing.  It will take a few years, but it will happen.)

8.) Stay up late, and sleep late, because you can.  Someday your sleep will be dictated by other forces in the universe (namely, your children), so sleep now, and sleep joyfully.  Embrace the sleep.  Appreciate the sleep.

9.) It's not about the grade; it's about the effort-to-grade ratio.  Mark is right about this.  The extra effort you're putting into that paper to get an A instead of a B isn't worth it.  No one will care in ten years.  No one will even care in one year.  Stop being a grade-grubber and go watch Bring it On again.  I promise that's more vital to your college experience.

10.) Stop feeling critical of Mom, and start taking her seriously.  She made a lot of good parenting decisions that you don't understand now, but you'll appreciate it when you become a mommy yourself.  You're going to want her and need her.  Oh, and you're going to be just like her.  So get on board.

11.) Cry.  Whenever you want.  Your crazy moods and emotions are who you are, and they're how you relate to the world.  The people who know you and love you best will accept (and expect) that kind of sappiness from you.  They don't care that you're not a pretty crier.  Don't feel like you have to suppress that part of yourself, just feel whatever you need to feel, even if it means you cry.  (But keep laughing a lot too!)

12.) The bangs? Don't grow them out.  You're going to want them back anyway.  Your forehead is too big to skip them.  Trust me on this.

13.) Go back to church.  You still talk to God all the time, you still believe everything you always did about following Jesus, so what are you doing floundering out there on your own?  You need the sense of community.  Plus it will be your only outlet for music-geek energy when you leave Furman.  Make a joyful noise already!

14.) Take guitar lessons while you're still at Furman.  You want to learn to play, and you don't want to spend the next decade wishing you had taken the lessons when it would have been so simple and easy (and when Mom and Dad would have paid for it as part of tuition), right?  Right?

15.) Put your keys in the same place every time you come home.  The sooner you pick a place and get consistent about it, the better.  Don't delay.  You and Mark will fight 50% less often (at least) if you can just keep up with your keys.  True story.

16.) When you graduate from college, there will be this website called Facebook.  Don't snub it.  Don't spend years resisting becoming a part of it, and mocking people who love it.  As with so many awesome things, resistance is futile.  Go ahead and sign up.  You will be glad you did.  It will reunite you with some cool people and respark a few real friendships. 

17.) Love on Simon a little bit extra every day.  You don't have the years and years with him you're expecting.  Make sure you give him some extra snuggles and walks and playtime in the years he has.  They will go quickly.

18.) Stop rolling your eyes at fussy toddlers in grocery stores and on planes.  You have no idea.

19.) Your family will count on you, and at times over the next decade you will need to keep it together and be strong for Dad and Mom and Ashley and Brad, each in turn.  So appreciate the ways they're taking care of you now.

20.) In a few short months, a professor will introduce you to the Oxford English Dictionary.  That course will prove to be the hardest of your collegiate career, but don't worry, you'll get the grade.  And the oed will change your life and how you feel about and approach your own language.  Mark and your family will mock you mercilessly for your oed love, but pay no matter.  Look up as many words as you can as long as you have free access.  In ten years, the computer you've been using to access Furman's membership by proxy will be stolen, and the new one's IT address won't register, and you won't be able to get ahold of Reference Steve to get you the hookup again.  (Oh yeah, and hug Reference Steve.  He'll be your favorite librarian.)

21.) Your college friends and roommates are awesome.  You will never again live in a situation with people so close by, who are so easy to talk to, who love you so much (the real you!) who are always ready to hang out or do something fun. Say yes to all those late-night Denny's study trips.  Say yes to every suggestion of rewatching When Harry Met Sally. Say yes to every Thursday night in downtown Greenville.  Enjoy your friends more, and your papers less.

22.) Mark is going to be an awesome husband. You're going to work way harder at marriage than either of you knows yet, but you're not scared of hard work, right?  He's totally worth the effort, and is every bit the amazing man you're hoping he is now. He will disappoint you on a few things, sure.  But he will impress you and love you and support you on more important things you're not even smart enough to worry about yet.  He'll be what you didn't even know to hope for in a husband. He's going to be ready for kids way before you are (a twist neither of you could possibly see coming now), but he will be patient and he won't rush you, so don't feel like you have to get ready before you really are.  Plus, you need many many years to agree on baby names.

23.) Don't be so nervous about starting a family.  Motherhood will be the most natural thing you've ever done.  Trust your instincts, and stop reading all those parenting books.  They're not helping you (or society).  You're going to be a good mommy.  When you're ready, a little baby boy will come into your life and you'll never be the same.  Don't be scared of that baby boy. (You can be scared of the labor, though. Be assertive insistent about the epidural!)

24.) When you get pregnant again, unexpectedly, try to be more joyful than fearful.  You won't be ready to feel that, but try anyway.  That pregnancy will turn into the best most beautiful child you can imagine.  And it's a girl!  You'll want a daughter so badly, and she will be everything you hoped and dreamed a daughter could be, and she will be the one who truly solidifies your place in this world as Mommy.

25.) In eight years, a guy named Nathan will take a job at your church; befriend him.  Take a moment to stop being so self-absorbed about that pregnancy you're terrified of, and welcome him.  Don't assume someone else is doing it.  He'll turn out to be a great listener and an amazing and helpful friend, and pretty much your favorite person in Raleigh (yep, you'll live in Raleigh, did I mention that?)... Don't waste that first six months he's here without getting to know him, and don't wait on Mark to invite him to dinner before reaching out on your own. He's super.

26.) Keep swimming.  You love it, and it's good for you, and it's maybe the only form of exercise that you won't feel like a doofus doing in front of other people.

27.) Love everyone, recklessly.  You will spend a healthy chunk of the next few years wrestling with guilt for loving folks whom some people would like you to believe God doesn't want you to love.  Those people are wrong.  Go ahead, talk it out, think it out, ask lots of questions and do lots of reading, but eventually please tune everyone out except God.  And love everyone.

28.) You won't believe it, but you will learn to feel cute in your glasses.  There will come a day when you have to pay for your own contacts, and you'll find you can't afford them if you also want groceries.  So after a decade of hating your specs, you will start wearing them on an everyday (in public!) basis.  And you'll discover it suits your personality better anyway. 

29.) Don't let "but it's hard" be an excuse for not getting things done and done well.  Sometimes things are hard, and you still have to do them.  You should still want to do them.  They will be worth the effort.  Don't believe people who say "it shouldn't have to be this hard."  Yes, sometimes it does.  You are so much more capable than you know, and you can totally do it.

30.) Don't be in too much of a rush.  As nervous as you are now about entering your twenties, they will go by fast.  You don't have to do everything right away.  The years are fast, so let the hours and days be slow.  Enjoy them for what they are.  Stop being in such a hurry all the time, and live in the now.  You'll be thirty before you know it.

L,E

How Germany Defined Me

You know those moments, those decisions, those events in that really define you?  For me, there's a small handful of major ones.  Becoming a wife... sure.  Becoming a mom... of course.  My parents' divorce... most definitely.  But I think there's something that shaped me even more than any of those major life events.

Ten years ago today, I got on a plane and flew to Germany, to live in a little village called Witterschlick, on the outskirts of Bonn. 

It was for a study abroad semester, my sophomore year at Furman. And I would be so different today if I hadn't done it.  Yes, it's a total cliche to say this, but that trip totally changed me. 

It taught me confidence.  Hard to believe now, but a decade ago, the idea of going to a foreign country -- away from my family, my friends, my language -- terrified me.  I came very close to backing out of the trip, but after several long and tear-filled conversations with my Dad, I got brave and went through with it.  (I will always always be grateful to my Dad for that encouragement.  It stands out to me, especially in hindsight, as one of the best parenting moments in our history.)  And I did the scariest thing imaginable in that moment.  Which taught me that I could do it again if I needed to.  Suddenly I felt like I could do anything.

It taught me another language.  What I thought I learned in the year of German classes before I went abroad was kind of laughable once I arrived.  Immersion is what made me a comfortable speaker of German.  And being a non-native speaker in a foreign country forced me to listen carefully, talk less, and choose my words thoughtfully.  (It's a lesson I'm still learning.  Ahem.)

It taught me how big the world is.  And how much of it I want to see.  During my time in Bonn, I used pretty much every free weekend to take off and see some new European city.  (Thanks, mom and dad, for that Eurail pass... it might be the best money you ever spent on my "education.").  I even got brave enough to go on two trips alone (yep, the same girl who several months earlier was terrified to get on that plane) and loved it.  I didn't have much of a travel bug before I went to Germany, but now my inner yearning to roam the world and experience new places and people and drink in new cultures (like, take in, not get drunk in*) will have a huge influence on how our family spends our money, energy and time.

Ridin' the rails

It taught me how small the world is.  When you get right down to it, families everywhere are pretty much the same.  We all have people we love, kids we're proud of, and parts of our pasts we're ashamed of.  It's oh so easy to find the commonalities between cultures when you make a personal connection abroad.  And so much harder to regard other another country as an "enemy" when you have a friend living there.  (This truth really hit home for me on my second study abroad trip, when I lived in a house with people from 26 different countries!) 

It taught me how to be friends with all kinds of people. Unlike the lovely gals from my freshman hall (still some of my closest friends) who were all, um... very much like myself, the Furman delegation to Germany in the fall of 2000 was extremely varied, in personalities, talents, and backgrounds. Much more varied than I even knew Furman could be. Making friends with people who seemed so different from me was eye-opening, and permanently changing. Not only have some of those Germany friendships stood the test of time, when I did re-immerse back into the Furman bubble, I unhesitatingly made lots and lots of new and different kinds of friends... people who ended up redefining my college experience. Most notably, my college bff David -- a core-shaking friendship from someone who might have never even blipped on my radar if I hadn't learned the joy of getting to know different -- and interesting! -- people. I'd like to think I learned a little about how Jesus wants me to love, after that semester in Germany.

With Pamela and Hank, two of my favorite study abroad friends

It taught me how to be away from Mark.  We didn't go to college together, but we were still pretty darned close.  We both needed to learn independence.  Don't get me wrong, it was a painful lesson upon re-immersion... one that almost broke us.  But we're both so much happier having our own space, interests, and friends.  (Yes, there's an implied duh at the end of that statement.  But, it wasn't so obvious to us at the time.)

It taught me how to preserve memories.  I took a zillion pictures in that semester, and I scrapbooked along the way, even though everyone told me to wait til I got home and develop the film in the states for cheaper (yes, film... don't mock).  But I didn't listen, and I'm so glad.  The end result is a book of memories that captured things right as they were happening -- the jokes, the everyday living, the things that would have been forgotten if I had just tried to photolog the "highlights" later.  (This whole idea is totally why I write a blog.  Oh, the things about parenting that I would have forgotten had I not deemed them blog-worthy in the moment.  And I want to remember it all.)

With my host family -- Sept 2000

Most of all, it taught me how to love another family as my own. The Schroeters, my host family, should win some kind of award for bestest most awesomest super host family ever:

My host dad, Juergen, left breakfast for me every morning before he went to work. He taught me how to like beer (kind of) -- koelsch, it's the best and only kind worth drinking, don't you know? He nagged me to shut doors and turn off lights just like a real daughter. He did a great job pretending not to understand English (forcing me into German), and mastered the art of speaking German slower and louder to get it through my thick head (yeah, um, I still didn't understand). He always has a kind smile, and that's probably my favorite thing about him.

My host mom, Elisabeth, made us a pot of tea almost every afternoon, and we sat at the kitchen table with a big ol' dictionary between us, and stumbled through conversations in German (well, *I* stumbled).  She was patient with my questions, my language... and eventually my German got good enough that we could have real conversatons about real issues and she could give me wise advice.  She's a smart and capable career mom and I admire her so much. Also she makes a killer cream of mushroom soup. She's beautiful and wonderful and sometimes I get teared up just thinking about what a blessing and a gift she has been in my life.

My favorite pic of Elisabeth and me -- back-to-Bonn visit, Sept 2002

My host sister Claudia (who was 12 then) introduced me to Harry Potter, made me really love Britney Spears (she'd be ashamed of that now, but I'm so not), and taught me how to jump the safety rail when I got to the rail crossing too late to catch my train (dad, Juergen, don't read that). My host brother Jan (who was 15 then, and turns 25 today -- Happy Birthday Jan!) introduced me to German rap, gave me endless crap about my terrible grammar, tormented me on the phone when Mark called, and was a most helpful translating friend when I really needed to say something in English. Basically they were everything I needed in a little brother and little sister when I was missing my own.

I've been back to visit the Schroeters several times over the years, and we still keep in touch via email (as best we can, considering the ever-declining state of my German abilities).  Both of my parents have been to visit them.  Mark has been to visit them, three times!  They were awesome hosts to one of my college roomies who studied abroad (and lived with them too!) three years after I did.  And they were warm and welcoming to that aforementioned college bff David, who also later studied abroad in Bonn.  We even brought Mark's Clemson roomie and his wife to meet them, back in 2005.  And they came to visit us in North Carolina a few years ago -- we took them to Furman, stayed a while with my parents in Huntersville, and then I was so honored to host them in my house for a short while.  So clearly this is a family who is a Big Deal to me.

Schroeters -- 2007

Sometimes I wonder what I'd be like now if I had never been on this trip.  I certainly wouldn't have studied abroad again (in the Netherlands, my senior year) or tried to master a third language (Dutch... um, fail) or fourth (Russian... um, mega-fail).  I probably wouldn't have taken a travel-related job, and honed my sales and negotiation skills (something I didn't know I even had upon graduating college).  I probably wouldn't have jumped at opportunities to visit Africa and Asia.  I probably wouldn't vote the way I do.  I probably wouldn't be so brazen when it comes to approaching new friends. I probably wouldn't be consisering a language-immersion program for Nathan when he starts kindergarten in two years.  I probably wouldn't dream of showing my children new places and new idea and new people as a core part of their upbringing the way I do now.  The mind boggles.

So.  Defining moment.  Ten years ago.  And I remain completely and recklessly in love with the experience.

*Ok, maybe both.  :)