Almost Five

So I'm (almost) five years into this mommy gig now, and it turns out NOPE you never do forget those due dates! So, that answers that.

Another year, another July 22nd.

And this year, the days of the week have fallen exactly as they did in 2007 (well, since leap day) which means that each week as another Sunday rolls around (my weeks hit on Sundays), I remember exactly where I was in Nathan's pregnancy. Weird huh? How these Sundays have stuck with me? After five years! Especially over the last month.


July 1- finally it's here! I will have a baby this month! July 8 - recovering from Jenny's wedding. I didn't give birth in my bridesmaid dress! Win! July 15 - big event I'm in charge of at church tonight to welcome our new choir director. Don't have the baby yet, don't have the baby yet. July 22 - due date! Where is this baby? Seriously. I'm ready dude.

So while I was sitting around on that first July 22nd, wondering when Nathan would decide it was time to make me a mommy, I had no idea how fast the next five years would go. Like, stupid fast.

I'm sure someone told me then: don't feel too rushed about it, before you know it you'll turn around and he'll be ready for kindergarten and OH MAH LAWD IT'S TRUE. Because here I am now, with the baby who did finally appear, now... a beautiful bright little boy.

It stops me in my tracks sometimes. 

Nathan is a funny blend of silly and solemn. He is oh so smart (it might be tacky to say that, but it's true so I don't care) and learns so quickly and has a memory that continues to almost frighten us. Like, scary impressive.

He has a silly side that, when it comes out, is pretty contagious. He loves to dance (when he thinks no one is looking) and sing (when only parents and sisters can hear) and he's been known to squeal a nonsense word over and over and over again when the mood strikes (brrrrrreitsch! - with a rolled R and german accent, naturally). He shows affection to people by adding booler to the end of their names (hi pretty baby Charlotte booler!) and climbing all over them with hugs and giggles.

But he also takes himself very seriously. He wants things exactly how he wants them -- food, his clothes, his toys. Everything has a proper name, and no other name will do. (We don't call it The Cat in the Hat, we call it *Dr. Seuss* The Cat in the Hat. Yeah.) He wants to do things correctly, wants them to work, and is frustrated when it doesn't come to him easily. Fear of failure what.

In a crowd, he is the quiet one. Not one of the quiet ones, but the quiet one. The quietest one. He observes the people and activity around him, and later can recount what was going on, down to a scary level of detail, but he is hesitant to actually join in, in the moment. To the point where when strangers ask him questions, he mostly just freezes and stares, even when he perfectly well knows the answer. Which I guess is okay? So yeah, he's an introvert, through and through, which is surprising to us, considering how chatty and outgoing he was (within our family unit anyway) as a toddler. When it comes to social activity, he's just... cautious. 

He's actually kind of cautious in general. He doesn't love trying new things, but when he gets himself to do it, he's all grins and pride. Climbing to the high slide, doing tae kwon do, jumping in the pool. He tries only in his own time, and after much coaxing, but when he finally does, he's glad. (I'm trying to convince him the same is true for vegetables, which he continues to snub after the required few bites.)

His favorite things these days are dinosaurs, legos, books, trains, and he's still hanging onto the friend car love too. In the sweetness of his own room, he is also very attached to a handful of stuffed animals, mostly his tiger and giraffe, but he would never admit that to his friends. (Or that he still sucks his thumb to sleep or watch tv. (He doesn't do it in public, so no, it's not a battle we're choosing to fight at this point.)

He likes doing play-doh and drawing and writing. He's starting to learn to read, and I have to say that sounding out words with him, or letting him read the words he knows when we do bedtime books, is one of the most rewarding things I've ever done as a mommy (not on the list: potty training uggggggggggggh).

Nathan is super independent, not in a toddlerish I do it myself kind of way (see: Anneliese) but in that he's actually independent. I almost can't believe the day is here where he gets himself up in the morning, feeds himself (and sometimes his sister!) breakfast, dresses himself, plays DVDs by himself, (finally!) wipes his own bum, brushes his own teeth, bathes himself (we do his hair), and buckles his own seat belt. And since he can clearly handle the responsibility, we also have him unload the silverware from the dishwasher, feed Bowden and let her out, clean his own room, clean out his part in the back of the van, etc. (Oh what's that sweetie? You want independence? I'm hearing... chores.) I guess it's all very normal for a kindergartner, but it still startles me sometimes that he's such a big kid already.

The very best thing in Nathan's world is probably (you guessed it) Anneliese. His partner in joy and in crime. I have always believed that a sibling is a gift, but even with my own rockin awesome brother/sister experience, the connection between these two is more than I could have dreamed. If there's one mommy prayer I pray consistently from day to day, it's that this relationship will stay so beautiful and supportive and honest and real, for many many more years to come. If the 2yo/4yo manifestation is this wonderful, imagine how it will look when they're teenagers! Young adults! Grandparents! Of course I also hope someday for Charlotte to feel close to both of them as well, but right now I am so enjoying the way these two enjoy each other. No one brings bigger smiles or better laughs from Nathan and Anneliese than they do from each other.

I shed a happy tear over this whole thing at least several times a week. It's maybe the most lovely thing in my world, watching my children love each other.

And I know I have been saying this for years, but my favorite thing about Nathan continues to be his kindness. Although this year saw some firsts in terms of the naughties (including lying to mommy *gasp* yes I am still aching over that one), he mostly continues to impress us with his keen sense of empathy. I guess that's the whole observational thing he's got going on. He knows and notices what people like and don't like, hates when others are hurting, and is seriously joyful with them when they're happy. He's sensitive and sweet with his smiles and hugs and a genuine desire to understand why people feel the way they do.

He offers earnest compliments even in odd circumstances (after the gym: you don't need to change, those pants look so cute on you), is quick to notice when someone does something well (good job buckling your seat belt mommy!) and says excuse me and thank you even to creatures who don't really understand (like Charlotte and Bowden). Nice kid win.

So basically he's (mostly) a dream of a five-year-old. But the important thing is that we love him to bits, always more and more through the mind-boggling changes since five years ago, and we were already in love then. It's a bizzarre thing isn't it? Every child does it, and every parent must feel the profound sense of simultaneous loss and growth and adoration. All across the globe, for thousands of generations, people have known this love. It's far from unique, but really and truly: it's nothing short of a miracle.

We love you, Nathan. Our almost-five-year-old.