A "Promotion" for Erin

Today has been monumental.

After a year (ok, years) of dialogue with Mark (ok, in my head too) about how to achieve the right work vs. home balance, today I turned in a resignation notice to my employer.

Let the record show that I really liked this job, and it was a hard decision. With the recent change in company ownership, and some of the new policies in process due to that merger -- most specifically, a payscale/incentive restructure and my disqualification effective July 1 from my new company's benefits programs (I don't work enough hours), including eligibility for maternity leave pay -- Mark and I decided that it was time to let go of the job, and focus on me running our home.

We have been debating this forever, it seems. It has been a struggle for me since Nathan was born. We have prayed long and hard about it. (And really, God couldn't be much clearer; I think we I have just been a little obtuse and stubborn and scared) and decided that now is the best time. By leaving under the current pay and benefits system, we can recoup as much compensation as possible and also buy our family three months of Mommy Sanity (not to be underrated) before Beanie arrives.

I find homemaker to be sort of an old-fashioned term, but that's essentially what we're going for. I want to be able to provide a clean place for my family to live and grow, a place where dinner isn't 50% takeout, and we eat real vegetables, and where I have time and energy to allow my children to be children without fear of interrupting a client conference call, and where I see more of my husband than my work files, and where clean laundry doesn't live in baskets until it gets dirty again. (Well, let's not get too optimistic about that last one.) So for lack of better terminology, we've jokingly decided that this is a promotion. Effective July 10, I am the new COO of our household. Which is just fancy corporate-speak for 'Mark doesn't have to do everything anymore.'

I have no idea how good I will be at my new job. Maybe not even as good as my old job. Probably not as good as my old job, actually. But it's not really about me, is it? I have tried to simultaneously do both (employment and parenting, from my home office), and while it does work -- kind of -- it doesn't work well ...for me, anyway. And it comes at the expense of my sanity. And if I didn't do it well with just Nathan, I know it will be worse with Beanie. And that's a compromise on my kids' happiness (and my husband's sense of home) that I'm no longer willing to make.

I know I'm breaking some cardinal rules here, about giving up a job (any job) in a bad economy, and making huge decisions during pregnancy. But... it's done. Here's to taking a leap of faith.