Too Much

I do not want to be one of those put-upon housewives that complains when life gets tough or frustrating or rough or overwhelming.  I know that the reality is it's my job to deal with whatever life throws at our family and household, and I promise I'm usually very capable and confident in handling it.  Without crying.  Usually.  I also know all of this stuff would be so much more difficult if I were juggling a career too, so thank goodness I'm not. With that little disclaimer in mind, I still have to say... sometimes, life throws a lot at us at once and I get overwhelmed.  Even though this is "all" I have going on, it still feels like too much.

1.) Our old house is not selling.  We officially reduced the list price to a "take a loss" situation last week (oh, there were tears). We have to just keep telling ourselves that in terms of equity, we will still come out on top in the long run. The new house, besides being perfect for our family, was also a really smart investment.  And that if the old house is this hard to sell now, think how much worse that neighborhood will be faring in another few years.  But the bottom line is that we're so frustrated, and never in our wildest dreams did we think it would take this long to sell, or at such a low price.  And we're looking at each other thinking what in the world did we get ourselves into?  Paying two mortgages on one income cannot continue indefinitely.  And to add insult to injury?  Even after we lowered the sale price to "laughably low" last week, there were no showings this weekend.  For the first time in six months.  Zero showings.  None.  I honestly woke up yesterday morning and just cried.

2.) Mark had some minor outpatient surgery a week or so ago (elective, don't worry, he's fine) and didn't fully rest and recuperate the way he was instructed to, and during his "recovery" things got worse instead of better, and there was a (minor) hematoma, and he was really uncomfortable, and... I'm frustrated.  Frustrated with him (yes I am admitting that to the internet) and frustrated with myself for not being bossier.  Downright mad at the millions of other people who have the same procedure and convinced him that he could do more than he actually could, sooner than he actually could.  Mad that it's cramping our ability to live lives normally, bowling playdates and church softball games and road trips with plans that are not good for people with post-op hematomas. Ugh.

3.) Wells Fargo continues to be the bane of my existence.  We were dumb and naive and thought that because our loan closed, and our renovation draws were complete, and we're finally in escrow, that they were done jerking us around and we could just pay our bill and refrain from thinking about them ever again. Ha! Um, no.  That is not the case.  Not even a little.  Of course they can jerk us around more.  Turns out we "are in violation of the terms of our mortgage" because the fire/vacant insurance policy we purchased before the new house (instead of regular homeowner's insurance) has not been renewed.  Obviously.  We no longer need a vacant house policy because we live here now (also required by the terms of our mortgage? that this is our primary residence).  So we have a normal (bigger more expensive) homeowner's insurance policy on it now.  Per lender instructions, that was always the plan, detailed with dates and forms and signatures a million.  But.  BUT.  Our mortgage terms apparently don't know anything about it.  WTF Wells Fargo!?  How many times did we go over the steps to get this done correctly, what exactly needs to happen when, and be done by whom?  How many forms did we submit showing verification of both policies and when each would take effect?  How many delays were caused in our closing because of nailing down issues like this one??  I hate them.  I rarely say that but I hate them.  I am terrified that we're going to become one of those families you read about who is diligently paying our mortgage and then it turns out the bank forecloses on the house because the payments are going into never-never land because there's no valid mortgage to apply them to, because we're "in violation of the terms" and no one knows how (or is willing to) fix it.  This seems even less unlikely because Wells Fargo has already (already!) sold our loan, so now they're just "servicing" it, and the money itself is through Fannie Mae (yep, that's right, all that arguing and jerking around when it comes to outrageous misquoted origination fees before closing, and then it's bought withing two months, likely for dimes on the dollar... I hate them) and having two banks involved really increases the risk of something falling through the cracks.  I don't want to become a horror story.  I want to get this crap fixed, like yesterday, so that I can refinance as soon as possible and never give any business to anyone at Wells Fargo or any of its affiliates ever ever again.  I can't believe there are still tears to cry over this stupid f-ing bank.

4.) The IRS thinks we did not file our tax return correctly in 2009, and that we owe them thousands of dollars.  We found out about this a few weeks ago.  They gave us until June 8th to either pay or fill out a gargantuan packet of information as a dispute.  Fortunately we are both type-A people, so even immediately post-move, Mark was able to put his hands on the papers he needed, take a day to fill out forms and write letters, and send their precious packet back on time.  (And fortunately I have a rock-star husband who can take care of things like that very efficiently.  And effectively, we hope.)  We're not taking it personally, we understand that the IRS has to have an audit process, and someone has to get hit by it.  The timing for it in our lives right now kind of sucks, but whatevs. But I am still furious that it took them two years to figure out that their books were off and then only gave us three weeks to deal with it.  Who does that??

5.) My health continues to frustrate me in this pregnancy.  Specifically, my bowel health.  (Yeah I just told the internet, what of it.)  I've had issues for a long time, but pregnancy makes it worse, makes resultant infections riskier, and I'm frustrated and uncomfortable and dealing with it takes way too much of my time and energy and it's exhausting me.  I'm over it.  I'm trying to make things better.  I swear to heaven I am doing everything (and taking every dose of medication) that my doctor tells me to. And it still sucks. I see my proctologist as often as I see my OB.  (Yeah, that's right.  I played the proctologist card.  I'm not messing around today.  If hearing about my OB appointments would make you squirmy, oh just you imagine.) Believe me, I wouldn't go through that if I didn't legitimately want this to be better.  Add in that Sprout is breech and my c-section is already on the calendar (a fact that makes me literally well up with tears every time I think about it) and I'm just... not really happy with my body these days.  On a related note: pray for Sprout to turn.  Please.  Nathan and Anneliese were also both transverse breech, Nathan turned at 37 weeks and Anneliese around 34 I think.  So it is possible that she still might turn, no matter what the stupid surgery calendar at my ob's office wants me to believe.  Please pray that she indeed will.

6.) Mark's grandfather died last weekend in the Netherlands.  He's sad like anyone is when a grandparent dies, but this passing is made a little more difficult by the fact that it was a complicated relationship, and that he never got as much time or conversation with his Opa as had hoped (for a multitude of reasons, the simplest to explain being that they lived on two separate continents).  I hate seeing him sad, and I hate seeing him struggle with the finality of the whole thing, and I hate watching him watch his family from a distance since it's really not feasible for him to be there with them this week.  Pray for Mark and his family, please.

7.) Add all of those things to the mess still sitting unpacked in Sprout's room, the broken a/c in the guest house that is taking weeks to get fixed under the warranty, the lack of working plumbing upstairs in our house, the fact that I have a baby due in eight weeks and I'm still not sure how I'm going to fit three carseats into either of our cars, and I'm just... overwhelmed.

I don't have anything nice to say right now.