It's A.... (Drumroll Please)

IT'S A GIRL!!!!

(A girl who sucks her thumb, just like her big brother, and just like her uncle Brad.... as you can see in this picture.)

I already feel so connected to this little surprise, my baby girl to be, MY DAUGHTER.

Safe to say God definitely knew what he was doing when he defied our contraceptive efforts. He was right. I am ready. Maybe it took some little girl parts to fully convince me of that, but I won't apologize about it; I will just rejoice in the fact that I am SO happy about my little girl, and I can't wait to meet her in October!

Needless to say, I am ridiculously unbelievably crazily excited and I want to hear from all of you with daughters about your favorite part of mommying a fun little lady!!

Brunch With Nathan and Simon

It has finally happened. That monumental moment in every toddler's life. The one parents dread but reluctantly submit to because we know there's really no avoiding it. Yesterday, Nathan ate dog food.

The latch on our dog food bin has been broken for a while (since before Nathan's time). It's sort of a miracle none of the beasts has figured out how to open it up until now, actually. But Nathan proved the worth of his human-over-canine brain when he did get it open, and I looked up from the den to see him and Simon sitting on the floor in the kitchen, crunching away on a mid-morning snack.

I realized too late that I should have gotten the camera or the video camera, that letting them stay at it for two more minutes wouldn't really hurt anything. But the "no that's naughty" side of me kicked in and I nipped it in the bud right then and lost the photo op.

But the whole thing did remind me (again) of what good buddies these two are. So I hunted through our family pictures and realized we have a plethora of Nathan and Simon. (Bowden seems to always be lurking somewhere off camera, far enough away that Nathan won't try to do anything dastardly like pet her or something.) And this little trip down memory lane made me smile. Hope it does you too.

Napping together - October 2007 (4 months)

Playing on the bed in the study - December 2007 (5 months)
An earlier version of brunching together - July 2008 (1 year)

Snoozing on a road trip - September 2008 (13 months)

Waiting for Daddy to come home - October 2008 (14 months)

And if you find any good deals on dog food bins with working latches, do let me know.

A Real Writer Interviewed Me!

One of my most impressive bloggity friends, Mary, offered up the opportunity to interview me on my own blog. Get this: she's a writer. A fabulous writer, actually. Not a writer as in -- I tell stories and post pictures of my family online to breed issues for their future therapy sessions (though she does that sometimes too) -- but a real writer. As in, she wrote a book. And you can buy it. She's awesome. And she reads my blog. (It's true, I hit the big time.)

And the following is her interview of me. These questions are based on things she would like to know more about, after following my family's shenanigans for the last year or so.

1.) How did Nathan get his name? What process did you use for naming him and what process will you use for naming Beanie? I actually posted about this a while back. It was a very tedious process including charts and graphs. We both had very specific criteria for choosing the name, having much more to do with sounds and syllables and ease of spelling than with any meanings or family connections. So basically... he is Nathan Thomas because it sounds good (well, as good as anything can) with our monster of a last name, and because it's normal. Choosing his name was actually very frustrating because there aren't that many boy names we like. If Beanie is a boy, he really might end up as Beanie, simply because I have feeling we will never agree on anything else. If Beanie is a girl, we have lots of names we both like, but finding our favorite might be hard! Rest assured, there will probably be more charts and graphs involved. We're still us, after all.

2.) What do you find to be beautiful about your religion? (Not faith, but organized religion.) Is there anything that bothers you about your religion? If so, what? This question makes me think. I find beautiful things about faith in general, and also about my religion in particular. The thing I find most beautiful about Christianity is that it is based solely on love. A God who loves us, loves me. Enough to change the scope of history and eternity with one man named Jesus. Nothing about Christianity coerces people to have faith out of fear, but out of love. Dare to (try to) love God as much as God loves you. I love being part of a community of people who all are joyful and glowing in this love. It feels like a brotherhood, and I love the feeling of belonging to that group. I don't want to get all preachy. :) Anyway there are also things that bug me about Christianity as well.... namely when people are hateful or discriminatory or exclusive in the name of Jesus. I find that to be the antithesis of love, and the opposite of what God intends. So it bugs me.

3.) What is your favorite popular music? I must admit: I love Ashlee Simpson. I have all her CDs. I feel like we would be friends if I knew her in real life. (Mark just cringed when he read that.) Other than that I am not too much of a loyalist to anyone... I like most things that are catchy and avoid profanity. :) I do not like it when "singers" yell at me their songs; I find that stressful. I also *heart* country music (Mark just cringed again, but he secretly loves techno so he shouldn't be judging me) and I tend to have that on in the car so I can sing along. Yeah, I'm That Mom.

4.) What personal hobbies/activities did you give up after you had Nathan? What new ones have you adopted since then that aren't related to child-rearing? I have to be honest and say I didn't give much up when Nathan was born. Which is probably why I am exhausted all the time. (And why something will finally have to give when Beanie gets here.) I thought we would travel less, and be less involved in music stuff at church, and spend less time with friends... and all of those things have indeed lessened somewhat, but I still do all of them. Mark and I have not gone camping since Nathan was born, though, which is something we both really miss but aren't ready to brave with a toddler. Once potty training is complete and we won't have to backpack with diapers and babies in slings, we will be very anxious to get back to camping again. So nice to be outside, in nature, away from the routine and habits of home. The biggest new habit I have developed (besides mommying in general) since Nathan was born is blogging. I had a short stint on LiveJournal when I was pregnant, but following blogs and writing my own didn't become truly habitual until I was up at all hours of the night, staring fuzzy-eyed at my computer. I guess it is somewhat related to child-rearing, though, because I write about Nathan a lot, and the impetus for so much computer time was a baby on my boob.

5.) What do Mark and Nathan do while you are blogging? Does Nathan ever "help" with your blogging? (Other than pose sweetly for photos & videos!) Does he want to sit in your lap and help you type? Usually I blog late at night when Mark is on night shift and Nathan is sleeping. It's my downtime that used to be spent on tv. (I still watch tv, don't get me wrong.) So... nothing too exciting. I don't want the computer stories of my family to take time away from my family itself. However, there is the occasional blogging session when Mark and Nathan are outside playing, or wrestling in the den, or enjoying other daddy-son stuff. My kid is a daddy's boy and I am coming to terms with that. Nathan actually never sits in my lap while I type, since I have a strict "don't touch mommy's desk" rule (I have to have a rule like that since I blog where I work) which gets followed approximately 12% of the time. But he does have a keyboard that he plays with sometimes (not plugged in, obviously) while I type. I won't lie, it's awfully cute and helps me forget that he's really obsessed with Daddy and not Mommy.

Thanks for the questions!

This is Why I Should Not Be Allowed to Have TWO Children

Soooo..... confession. I think I may have just given up my shot at the mom of the year award for the third year in a row.

In 2007, I left Nathan on the floor of a photo studio since our dogs had gotten loose in a shopping mall.

In 2008, I let him burn himself and get a black eye, all in one day... his birthday.

And now, in 2009, I forgot him at church.

I dropped him off like I do every Tuesday for the mothers-morning-out program at our church. Then I went to Bible study, chatted on the phone with my mom, checked my email, and then I noticed something which gave me a little medical concern about Beanie (we now know everything is fine). So I raced off to the doctor (really, everything is fine). And apparently my semi-panic about Beanie made any thought of the other child -- you know, the son who has already been born and has lived with us for close to two years -- rush straight out the back of my brain.

I don't know why it didn't occur to me that since the car seat was empty as I drove to the OB's office, that Nathan wasn't with me and was therefore somewhere else. I don't know where I thought Nathan was. I just... didn't think about it. Him.

Needless to say, I spent most of Tuesday crying, and I am even welling up now just thinking about it again. By the time I got to church to get him, I just wrapped him in my arms and hugged him and kissed him (and later bought him a fire truck, I confess... see? bad mommy). I feel so guilty.

But at least he was at church, in a nursery room with lots of toys, with caregivers who know him and love him and have all his emergency contact info (yes, they called Mark too). And at least he's young enough that he doesn't know what happened (at least until he can read this blog post), unlike my poor middle-child sister who got left several places several times when she was old enough to remember and to claim emotional scars. So I guess it could have been a lot worse. But I have to admit I was pretty shaken up. How will I ever be able to concentrate on two kids? This whole event didn't instill a lot of confidence.

In other, more-decent-parenting news, I am pretty sure that Nathan is weaned. Which is a good thing; while I didn't want to force him off, I wanted him to be done in enough time to have no memory of it when Beanie gets here (It only took about five minutes of research to determine that tandem nursing isn't for me) -- we will have other regression issues to deal with and I don't want breastfeeding to be one of them. Anyway, since early March he had been down to only once every couple of weeks (how do I still have milk? Seriously, I am a cow), and only in stressful or unfamiliar situations, like when we were in California, or the night we got back from Dubai. And he has asked a few times over the last two weeks, but I've been able to gently discourage it (big boys drink milk from a cup, do you want to be a big boy? he always does) without a tantrum. Which means I don't really see myself saying yes in the future either. He just isn't that interested. And I think if it goes another couple of weeks, the milk will totally dry up (fingers crossed).

So, see? I can manage one or two parenting issues with a level head after all. I even made dinner twice this week (which shamefully is quite an improvement over the state I've been in for the last couple of months). Applause please. For my non-award.

Oh well, there's always 2010.

Happy Easter!

Those of you who know my family might have noticed a rather alarming absence from my blog post about being at the beach with my dad during Easter week: The absence of Easter eggs.

You're probably wondering, what happened? No egg hunt? No color-coordinated hiding system for different ages intelligence levels of the searchers? No candy and cash to be found? How could Ken have orchestrated these egg hunts -- in ways that only a Bumgarner could -- through his children's college years and then not have any eggs for his only grandson?


(Ok, maybe two of you know my family well enough to be wondering those things. As for the rest of you... just play along, mmmkay?)

The answer to all these questions is: I don't know. I have no idea. Keine Ahnung habe ich.

The truth is I didn't even think about it when we were at the beach (and I suspect dad didn't either), though a fleeting egg memory or two did cross my mind as we were planning the trip, and after we got home. But I have a feeling that after dad reads this blog post and realizes how legendary his color-coded egg hunts were (yes, even when we were in college), he will never let a plastic hinged egg go unhunted again, at least not with grandkids around.

When I did remember (ahem -- late yesterday) that Nathan might like to hunt for eggs this year, I did some quick searching and found that our neighborhood had a little Easter gathering. Nothing Jesus-centered, mind you (how dare someone put Jesus into Easter!), but an egg hunt and snack food and games for kids. So we went.

If my dad had been there, here's what I think he would have taught them about how to run a proper egg hunt (there's a right and wrong way to do things, you know):

1.) Dividing the hunts up by age is admirable, but one-year-olds still can't compete with five-year olds.

2.) Don't send all the toddlers down to start the hunt fifteen minutes before you're sending an official to start the hunt. They can see the eggs. They're toddlers. Not so much good at the waiting part. Especially don't do this at nap time. Tears will ensue and there's no crying in egg hunts!

3.) No color coding? Really? But what about the younger dimmer-witted children? I guess color-coding is only fancy enough for those people savvy enough to create multiple hunts on the same course (like our family).


4.) Put cash in the eggs. Even if the kids don't get it, the parents deserve it.


5.) Encourage anyone with Bumgarner blood to move fast and get lots of eggs in lots of colors. Not just yellow. Because we can't have anyone comparing us to the other kids and coming to the conclusion that we're younger not the sharpest tools in the shed. Especially if it's the oldest grandson. Come on, Nathan, not just yellow! You can do it!

6.) Don't bother inviting the Easter bunny if there are cupcakes. Bumgarners don't care about the Easter bunny (unless it leaves a partially-chewed carrot in the yard, in which case it's fascinating) in the best of circumstances, but especially not when there's free food.


7.) Don't let pregnant women around the children's cupcakes. They will attempt to eat said cupcakes, putting children in the awkward situation of having to force them down in one bite without sharing.

Anyway, after the hunt was over (thirty seconds, tops, I'm not even kidding), we came home for naps all around.

Tomorrow we will celebrate the real Easter. You know, that part about Jesus rising from the tomb? The most important thing that ever happened, ever?

In the meantime, just wanted to share our eggy Saturday. For more pictures, click on our family at the neighborhood hunt, below.


by mgoetts

Myrtle Beach with Grandpa

Nathan and I just got back from a quick visit to the beach, where my dad and Cathy were spending their spring break. They had a three bedroom condo, and didn't seem to mind us crashing for a few days.

Despite the weather being oh-so-cold (it's April, and I am OVER IT! - enough with highs in the 50s already), we did have a nice visit. Nathan apparently didn't get the memo about the beach being a great place to play in warm weather, and he wanted to be outside pretty much the whole time. Seriously, when we were inside, he was constantly looking out the window saying "Grandpa! The beach! THE BEACH!" until someone (usually Grandpa, I'm not gonna lie) caved and took him out.

Nathan gobbled up calabash shrimp, went to the marina to see (and talk incessantly about afterwards) big boats, walked on the beach, spent a good bit of time digging in the sand, and got to spend two nights in mommy's bed (after waking up when it was still time to sleep). He might or might not have fallen off the bed on one of those nights. If there are no witnesses, then mommy didn't do anything dangerous, right? Right?

There where also several times that Dad would come in after being outside with Nathan, and comment on how tired Nathan must be, and how well he would nap. Then Dad would promptly doze off while Nathan toddled around the condo. Which I find hilarious. (You can too, I have photographic evidence.) But at one point Dad had three toddlers, so it's not beyond my scope of reasoning to assume that he's still recovering, and is well-deserving of the nap. Plus, he's a teacher. 'Nuff said.

Thanks for a fun week, dad!

(Wondering where all these pictures came from, considering our camera met its end in the middle eastern desert? My ueber-gracious mom is letting us borrow hers for a short while until we get ours replaced. How awesome are my parents this week???)

For more pictures of our visit, click on Nathan in front of the sandcastle condos, below.

by mgoetts

Mompinions Needed -- Mom, Job, or Both?

So when we got back from Dubai, and back into the swing of thing at work, I was met with some earth-shattering news: my company is being sold. We'll (likely) be acquired by one of our competitors at the end of the month. While this doesn't necessarily mean that I am out of a job, and is probably good news overall for the company, it did rebirth the (constant) question in my mind about how to manage the right balance of professional life and family life. Whatever equilibrium I have reached with my current company is likely to be shifted under the new management, so of course I have been thinking stressing a lot about when/if I need to redraw those boundaries for myself anyway.

Right now I work part-time (12-5 weekdays, plus more if I am behind or we're busy, which is pretty much always), at a job I actually enjoy, and my company lets me do it from home. On paper, this is an ideal situation -- I spend very little on childcare, in theory I get lots of time with Nathan, and I still get to earn some extra income from a good family-oriented company, doing work that is stimulating and satisfying for me.

But in reality, my situation is hard. Really hard. I never know if it's a safe time to answer the phone... will Nathan chatter or scream? Will the person on the other end be the kind of client who applauds my company for letting me work from home to be with my family, or the kind of client who wants me to be professional and collected in the workplace -- all the time? (Fortunately, usually it's the former, since I talk to preachers and seminary professors all day!) I have to schedule conference calls extremely carefully -- either when Mark is home or when I know Nathan will be napping. I am only ever paying 80% attention to work and 20% to Nathan (or vice versa on alternating days); neither of them tends to get 100% of the time and attention they need and deserve. As a result, I feel constantly guilty (something I am working on anyway). I never feel like I am handling anything very well -- please don't make me admit how long it's been since I have managed to get dinner on the table more than three times a week, or done the laundry more than one week in a row. (Have I mentioned recently that Mark is a rock star?)

But still -- I like my job. And although technically I could quit and we could live off of Mark's income, I like the extra money my job brings to our family, and the lifestyle (vacation!) it allows. I am not dumb enough to think that I would ever luck into another position like this (at home, part-time, stimulating and enjoyable); and especially with the economy the way it is, I am reluctant to pull myself all the way out of the workforce. Having that one foot in the door, tenuous as it might be, brings me some sense of security.

This battle has been waging in my head for almost two years. Even though my "hybrid" situation seems ideal, I have never been truly comfortable with it. And if I feel like I am barely cutting it now, what in the world can I expect when Beanie gets here?

I am so envious of other moms who seem to just know the right blend that works for them. I have friends who chose to be full-time moms, without a minute's hesitation. And I have other friends who, upon peeing on that stick and seeing two lines, immediately started researching day-care options -- they knew they wanted to keep their careers. Why am I the only one who seems so ambivalent? Why is this decision so much easier for other moms than it is for me? If I knew what I wanted, I would just make it happen (I have full faith in my capabilities to do that), but I don't know what I want.

Right now Mark and I have decided not to decide. We're going to wait until maternity leave (and maybe longer) to see how I actually feel at home all day with two kids and no professional obligations. We're going to try living on his income to see how it feels to give up the things that would need to be cut out of our budget. We're going to look at full-time mommying, full-time employee-ing, and combinations in between. We're not ruling out full-time daycare, either here in our house or somewhere else. We're not ruling out a career realignment for Mark, to get off the rotating shifts and back to more regular hours. Every option is still on the table.

So here's my question for all you moms (and dads!) out there. Whether your kids are young or grown, whether they're still in the womb or screaming in your lap as you read this -- at some point, you decided on the work vs home combination that works for you. How did you decide? How did you know it would be the right fit for your family? Did you even know at all, or did you just make a leap of faith?

Either leave me a comment, or if you're not much for commenting, email me. I want to know about your experience and I want you to fill me with information. I'm in research mode, gathering facts and opinions, so that I can pray and think (and stress) and maybe by this fall I will be more comfortable with whatever decision we make. Thanks for your help. :)

Oh Man!

Last month, when we registered Nathan for preschool (legitimate preschool! can you believe it?!), we had to fill out one of those bajillion sigh-inducing forms that parents of babies are so often encountering. (You know, like this one.) The preschool application for our church asked a bunch of stuff about Nathan and his classroom habits that I wouldn't know the answers to nearly as well as his current mothers-morning-out teachers. (You know, the ones downstairs at the same school where we're applying? Those people who actually have him in a class with other kids and can see how he interacts? Yeah... ask those people, not me.)

Anyway, one of the questions on the form was "What are your child's strengths?" Um... that's a loaded question, huh? What does it even mean? First of all, he's not even 2... what he's good at now will be totally moot by this fall when he's on to something else. Second, I'm his mother. I find him pretty much great at everything; I'm not nearly as objective as those people downstairs I already thought once you should talk to (and now I'm thinking it again). Third, he's a toddler. What's there to be good at? Hmmm.... he toddles well. But I think his real strength lies in his hugging and kissing. And he has thumb-sucking down to an art. I mean, COME ON.

So I asked Mark what he thought I should put. Know what he said? To tell them he's an optimistic child, based on the fact that he says "good throw" even when it's really a terrible throw.

And in true daddy fashion, he was not kidding. That's really what he wanted me to put. As if saying "good throw" is any indication of Nathan's optimism (of course it's not; he just says it because he's a toddler and feels the need to narrate us through each and every thing he does all day), even if optimism were considered a valuable classroom strength for a two-year old.

Anyway, this story has a point. I'm getting there, I promise.

After I filled in the blank with "good verbal skills" and decided to put it on them to decide if that's a strength or a huge huge detriment to the teacher's sanity, I realized that Mark does have a point. Nathan is pretty optimistic. He's not easily discouraged, anyway. (Nathan's making a liar of me right now... even as I type this, he is bordering on a tantrum because the round wheels of his fire truck puzzle piece don't stack and balance on the bed rail in the study. But that's really the only thing that consistently frustrates him.)

When Nathan stumbles or drops something, he usually just says "oh man!" and moves on. I find this incredibly cute. I don't know if it's because his attitude is positive and motivating for any adult, or if it's because he sounds just like Mark when he says it. (There is no doubt where he picked this phrase up, the intonation and everything came straight from his daddy.)

Anyway I hope this 20-second video will show you what I mean. And show some of that optimism Mark was so insistent that Nathan embodies.


And I hope he's this cheerful in preschool next year.