2013: St. Croix, Montreat, Chicago, and Pleurisy

What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before? I met up with a group of friends I knew only from the internet, had a lovely weekend hanging out with them, and confirmed to myself once and for all that I was right: there is no difference between friends and internet friends. My 1999 self was very wide-eyed about the whole thing, but it was fun and funny and natural and I loved it. 

Other new things I did this year: I traveled out of the country with three small children, I battled a flea infestation in my house, I watched my sweet husband put out a fire in our kitchen, and I went to my first conference at Montreat (as a Presbyterian born and raised in North Carolina, it is a little bit shocking that it took 32 years). Oh and I got pleurisy, even though it was the year 2013 not 1813, which was officially this year's dose of what the fresh hell?!?

Did you keep last year's resolutions, and will you make more for this year? My resolutions last year were to be textier with Mark at work during the day, send more emails, and try two new recipes a month. I get a big ol' MEH on all of them. I was sometimes really good at them and sometimes really not, so I guess for most people that would be a resolution fail, but if I am better now than I was then, I am calling it a win because that is just good math.

And I am a month into 2014 and I have no new resolutions. Some years I totally care, and apparently this isn't one of them.

How did you spend Christmas NYE? Mark and I were kid-free while the babies spent a few nights with my mom, so we got to ring in the new year at a classy restaurant with friends, followed by really fun birthday/NYE champagne cocktails rimmed in frosting and sprinkles, and an upside-down Christmas tree, and New Years Rockin Dicken Clarken Eve or whatever it's called, and also our fancy steakhouse had the best celery Another Nathan has ever had, so.

What dates from 2013 will remain etched in your memory? January 29th: our plane tickets to St. Croix. June 21st: the day Mark and I celebrated ten years of marriage. July 27th: the day after Nathan's 6th birthday, when we went to Montreat together. December 23rd: when my nephew Sullivan was born.

What countries states territories did you visit? The biggest thing this year was our St. Croix trip for Brad's wedding, which I am still high on almost a year later. Not just the vacation, but my whole family of origin, together to celebrate and add Marija to our ranks. And to do it in a beautiful place with my husband and kids and best friend, encompassing the oddest blend of relaxed and chaotic I've ever experienced on a trip. I'm not sure what else a gal could want from a family vacation.

Whose behavior merited celebration? Anneliese, actually. After some terrible hard months, she has now (minus a frustrating nightly cleanup crying habit) settled into that delightful stage of being four. Four is great. Four is cheerful and independent and inquisitive and funny. Even better, four is almost five! (I have yet to encounter an age better than five. If we get to one that trumps five, I will let you know. Til then, five forever!) (Oh whoa, I just saw that last year I said it was Anneliese's behavior that appalled me. Well look at that, she turned it around.)

Whose behavior appalled you? People who still knock on doors. Ring doorbells. Show up in circumstances where that would be warranted. You know what I mean. This has become my favorite thing to hate, except I actually hate to have to hate it, because HOW IS THIS STILL A THING??

If I know you are coming, come on in. If I don't know you are coming, you fall into two groups: 1- you have a key, and can come in whenever you want (without knocking), or 2- I don't want you to come over. Solicitors are most definitely in the second group. Delivery people who knock on doors and then run back to their trucks are also in the second group. Neighbors who want to talk to us about fence fixing or hedge trimming or whether or not the city is going to build a sidewalk on our road, IN THE SECOND GROUP. 

I'm just not sure how or why it is still a culturally appropriate thing to show up at someone's house, in their space, and assume that they would stop what they are doing and deal with what you want them to deal with, on your time, when you were not invited or even necessarily welcome, and if you want them to BUY SOMETHING FROM YOU, then that is even worse because it is an egregious distortion of the appropriate consumer/provider relationship. 

Let's let 2014 be the year that we, as a society, reserve showing up unannounced at people's houses for only times of emergency or need.

Okay, end rant. That is not what this post is about. Moving on.

What was great this year when you weren't expecting it? Montreat. It was a pretty last-minute decision to volunteer for the youth conference as a small group leader, and an even more last-minute decision to have Nathan come with me. And then suddenly what I had been expecting to be a simple champerone on a church trip turned out so much better. Truly, a highlight of my year.

Who is the best new person you met? Liz. Hands down, Liz. Liz from Montreat, Utah Liz, LIZ. I don't want to be all sappy about her (again) on the internet, but she is super, and I can't remember the last time I met someone with whom I connected so easily and so quickly. And it has lasted, even months after the conference last summer. (Also, I think this year I started to re-claim my own extroversion. I love meeting new people and listening to their stories. My life hadn't afforded much of that in the past few years, and then in 2013 it was everywhere, and I enjoyed it. Liz was a big reason why.)

Who did you miss? These days I miss my sister a lot, especially since she spent most of the year pregnant, and last time she was pregnant we were pregnant together, and so it made me think of her, and us, pretty often. Every time Ashley and I visit, we just talk a mile a minute and hear each other's feeeelings and then suddenly it has been hours and we're exhausted but in a really good really connected way, and yeah I just kinda love her a lot and I miss her when she feels far.

What did you get really really excited about? Our trip to Chicago, a trip just for Mark and me. I get excited any time the two of us can get away together. We are great on vacation, and there is no one else I would rather travel with. I had a ton of fun planning it out and booking it (Mark and I both love that the planning is MY part of any trip) and then I looked forward to it for months. And then it was an awesome trip. Because of my excellent planning. And also because Chicago is lovely and Marky is great and blah blah blah whatever GOLD STAR FOR TRIP PLANNING, SELF.

Where did most of your money go? Mortgage, health insurance, taxes, school tuition, Starbucks.

What was the best thing you bought? The chromebook. I have my own computer! That I share with other people also, but whatever, we now are a family of more than just one computer!

What was your favorite show? The Mindy Project and Parenthood are the two shows Mark and I most look forward to watching. We also continue to watch the hell out of Daniel Tiger which the kids, especially Charlotte, adore. I know the jingle that goes with every episode, oh yes I do. Feel free to be very impressed. *brushes shoulder*

What was your favorite book? Eleanor & Park, by Rainbow Rowell. Her writing is beautiful and honest and clear, and the story is about young love. Like, real love. It is a really really great book.

What was your favorite movie? Mark and I went and saw The Secret Life of Walter Mitty the day before New Year's Eve, and we loved it. It was part sobering reality, part fantastical daydream, had beautiful scenery in Iceland and the Himalayas, and was easy and delightful to watch. 

How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year? How many scarves do you now own? Twenty-six. Come at me brah.

How old were you on your birthday, and what did you do? I turned 33, and I had a lunch date with Another Nathan and we did our traditional first peek through the mall to start forming Christmas lists. Then I had a fancy and romantic Laotian dinner date with Marky. And then a couple nights later we had mexican food and spicy cocktails at an empanada bar with some friends downtown. It was lovely and exactly what I wanted.

What was your biggest achievement in 2013? This rainbow cake.

Your biggest failure? My ongoing struggle to be more patient and kind, especially with the kids. Sometimes they drive me nuts doing things that are perfectly benign, and I want to react to that better. In those situations, my nerve-shot feeling is almost always about me, not them.

What song will always remind you of 2013? Imagine Dragons - On Top of the World. Yes, I know it was actually released a whole year ago, but Nathan and I sang it a thousand times wandering around Montreat and now when I hear it, that is what I remember -- our first trip there. Also A Great Big World's This is the New Year, which I used in his birthday video, was one of my favorite songs this year too.

What kept you sane? This is a serious question, yo. Sanity is no joke, and when I am able to come by it, I don't take it for granted. The precious hours Mark and I together many evenings, after the kids go to bed but before we do, are probably the most sanity-giving regular times in my routine. Also consistent support and friendship from Another Nathan, especially our Wednesday coffee dates and Tuesday post-choir blue moon chats, which are so healthy in need-to-vent or need-to-laugh ways, depending on the week. Also choir itself. Also my unlimited texting plan. Also library books. Also coffee. COFFEEEEEE.

What valuable lesson did you learn this year? Lesson still being fine tuned: not to let a bad day overwhelm me about my forever.

Still Summer, Til Brad Says So

Just wanted to point out, for anyone starting to reeeeeally feel the temptation of sweaters and pumpkin spice lattes, that it's actually still summer. For four more days.

Mark and I do not hate September in these parts, because duh.

But even though it is still technically summer, I have decided (since I am the decider of these things, obvs) that fall will start when Brad says it starts, because that sweet brother of mine has not had a real fall in seven years (yes, there are downsides to a life in the Caribbean). Which is both kind of sad and also kind of exciting for him, because fall is so so lovely, right? (Basking in the loveliness is why I have been digging in my heels at the pumpkin-pushers recently. Don't make me sick of the loveliness before the loveliness is even here!)

So whenever Brad says hey! fall! I will have that pumpkin spice latte now! then I won't look at the calendar or the weather, I will just smile and feel happy for him. Welcome back to a life of Carolina autumns, baby bro. They are exactly as wonderful as you remember.

(Marky and I will still be in the pool as many  more weeks as we can stand it, though.)

Kings of St Croix (For a Week)

So I think I have been dragging my feet in writing this post for a month (a month! Brad has been married for a month!) for a couple of reasons.

One, because it was an awesome trip. A precious reuniting of Bumgarners, my family of origin, made even better because it also included my own children and my husband and my best friend, and... well it's one of those things that kids of divorced families hope for: that we will all be able to get together and celebrate life's happy moments, and mark occasions, and it will not only be tolerable and civil but... good. And y'all, it was. Really good. So good that I've been holding it close to savor for myself, like if I say it out loud it might cheapen it or make it less real because there aren't enough words or the right words. But it was real, and it was good, so I'm saying it. Right words or no. (I think you'll agree, I always have enough words.)

And two, because that happy-savor feeling is inextricably also linked to this likely being our last trip to St. Croix. Only (already?) a month later, and Brad doesn't even live there anymore. It really was a last hurrah. Who knows, we might go back someday. But without him there, and with so many other lovely places to visit... I don't know, it just felt somewhat like a farewell tour.

Anyway. I am blogging now. Mostly to say that it was super. To tell stories I hope we will laugh and re-tell a bunch more times. (It's the Bumgarner way.) And I'm telling myself I don't care how long it gets. (Note, after writing: !!!) So, a week of St. Croix, here goes:

TUESDAY

We dragged ourselves and three kids and a stupid amount of luggage to the airport at 5am. Charlotte and Anneliese had their first airplane rides! (And Nathan, the first he will actually remember.) It was all a lot of excitement before the sun even came up.

The big kids began an all-day all-week marathon of are we in saint crory? which I still (STILL) (!!) hear in my sleep. They also asked are we up high? the entirety of every flight. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes we are up high.

Another Nathan came too, officially for childcare during the wedding and reception, since it was important for Mark and me to have a grownup night to celebrate, but also it turns out he's an invaluable third set of hands when you're flying all day with three kids (and also we just really like him a lot).

If you're not flying with your very own Another Nathan...
you're doing it wrong.

So after fourteen hours of travel, hot dogs for breakfast in the Miami airport, two jets and a sweaty-hot island hopper prop plane, a rented minivan, enough pneumonia coughing to make me leak pee (note to self: you don't have to tell the internet all your hott secrets, Erin) and the traditional Welcome to St. Croix rum shots they give you at the airport (yep), we finally got to our rental house and it was gorgeous. A main house with a kitchen and living room and big master bedroom and bath, a patio with a pool and a hot tub and lounge chairs and a hammock, and a guest house with two more bedrooms and a deck with what would turn out to be a million-dollar view.

We didn't hate the house, is what I'm saying.

It took less than an hour to hug Brad, eat some pizza, throw the kids in bed and ourselves in the hot tub with rum and coke. (In the hot tub with rum and coke = the subtitle of our St. Croix vacation scrapbook.) (Seriously. Every night.)

WEDNESDAY

We woke up a little bit stunned at our view. WHOA. (Between our three phones and three cameras, I think we took like a hundred pictures of this view over the course of a week. As if maybe we had forgotten we had already taken some the day before? Oh better take another, just to be sure.)

The kids were super excited (and by the kids I mean Marky) to have toes in the sand and water, so we got into mindset: beach.

American Gothic goes Caribbean?

We drove down from our mountain (our mountain! up at the top there we felt like the kings of St. Croix! we might have yelled that once or twice) (from the hot tub) (with rum and coke) to Cane Bay beach, a cute little sandy spot on the side of the road. We had a picnic lunch and swam a tiny bit.

The kids were exhausted, but if you have to be cranky, at least be cranky in paradise, amiright?

After a not-fast trip to the grocery store, complete with boggley eyes at the food prices, and a little smug self-back-patting for excellent pre-trip menu planning, including paying $25 for an extra suitcase to bring lots of non-perishables from home (seriously y'all, it paid for itself, grocery prices there are no joke), we got word that the Bumgarners had descended onto the island. So we went and met all of my family (ALL. OF. THEM.) at a bar on the boardwalk for dinner.

It was like eight at night. Dark. And we took our kids in public. Can we just take a moment and praise my mommy flexibility? Hellz yes I can do island life, what what.

(Charlotte cried the whole time and Nathan freaked out about specks of green seasoning in his mac and cheese and normally-extroverted Anneliese cowered in her chair and barely looked anyone in the eye, if you were curious how it went.)

(Also my mom had apparently lost her purse with all her money and her iPhone and her LIFE in it; it fell out of the trunk of their rental car from the airport, and yes I know that sentence makes no sense but apparently that's indeed a Thing That Can Happen. I remain slightly bewildered myself, even after having heard the story eleventy billion a few times.)

And then we went home and got in the hot tub with rum and cokes. Kings of St. Croix!

THURSDAY

Thursday all the Bumgarners and all the Croatians (Marija's family is Croatian, have I said that yet?) took a sailing trip to Buck Island, which is a national park area off the north coast of St Croix. An island off an island, got that? (I swam from that island back to St. Croix in 2006. It was five miles swimming in the ocean, which I might have mentioned several times because really, you should be impressed.) (My mom and sister did it too. Faster. Be even more impressed.)

Brad and mom on the boat, approaching Buck Island

I should preface this by mentioning that such sailing trips have been Brad's job for the last six years. (I don't know why that's relevant but it seems it.) And technically we didn't take the sailboat but a different one with just a motor but whatever, we went on a boat trip with forty of our closest family strangers.

We drank rum. We snorkled. Well, the kids watched fish through the glass bottom on the boat, they did not snorkel because haaaa have you met them? We saw and photographed a barracuda. We kissed a little underwater.

Mark took a snorkel selfie. Oh yes he did.

Another Nathan freaked out a tiny bit when he first got in the water (he fancies himself not a great swimmer, which is nonsense, but it turns out believing you don't swim well is enough to make you panic when you're trying to breathe through a tube underwater when you've never done such a thing before, oh yeah in the ocean) but after about ten (kind of adorable) minutes of trying to climb onto me, and clinging to my arm with a death grip, and making me promise I wasn't going to leave him (see? awww) he got all kinds of brave, and grabbed hold of a ring and snorkled in that coral like effing Nemo, gimpy fin be damned.

And then promptly joined Ashley in feeling seasick back on the boat. (Note to Bumgarners: rum before snorkel, only makes you sicker... or something.)

Then we sat and ate Subway (like you do) on Turtle Beach on Buck Island, which, PRO TIP, is the most beautiful little beach in the world. (I say this with 100% certainty, I don't care what your 2002 screensaver showed you, in real life this is better.)

Ashley, Liam, Buck Island... all beautiful

Nathan had a grand playtime splashing in the waves with all his uncles. Anneliese asked one relative after another to hold her hand in the ocean. Charlotte spent as much energy as possible not stepping one foot off the beach towel. No sand for our little delicate flower, apparently.

Mark and I jumped off the top of the boat into the water because we are exactly as sexxaaay as the bachelor and bachelorette, so how could we not?

All my siblings! me, Collin, Sean, Ashley, Brad (plus Nathan)

It was such a super afternoon. Seriously one of the highlights of the trip.

And then we went home, threw our sleepy sunny children in bed, and grilled steak kabobs with pineapple (tropi-kabobs!) and... got in the hot tub with rum and coke.

FRIDAY

We had a lovely morning lazing at our rental house. If there is anything much sweeter than three kids in a hammock on a tropical island, I can't think of what.

Nathan and I took a mid-morning break to go to the wedding rehearsal (he was an excited but nervous ring bearer). On the way there, Nathan asked me in his Most Serious Voice: What... is a wedding?

I, um. Are you kidding me with this, child? Why do you think we are on this island??? It's not like we have been talking about it for months or anything. For an incredibly bright kid, he is sometimes hella oblivious. (I'm not sure if that's better or worse than three days into our trip when Anneliese woke up and asked when are we going to saint crory? and I tried not to laugh and cry at the same time.)

with uncle John at the rehearsal
(great spot for a wedding, no?!)

Anyway, later while Mark and the kids napped, Another Nathan and I had a Caribbean version of our normal "friend Friday" -- souvenir shopping and lunch on the boardwalk, complete with wandering chickens and (you guessed it!) rum.

classic St. Croix, two counts

Friday evening we went to Brad's rehearsal dinner, which was actually a poolside welcome party and cookout for everyone who was there.

Nathan and Anneliese's version of "swimming" means
someone else gets wet, so they don't have to.

#photobomb

Oh and there was a rum and coke bar (did I even need to say that?) with lots of kinds of Cruzan rum, sodas, and then we toasted the happy couple with rakija, which is like a Croatian moonshine. It laughs in the face of rum, in case you were curious. Hoo boy.

And then we went home at stared at the wall for a while because omg aren't you tired just reading about all this? Yeah. So.

And also whatever cold/virus thing I had that turned into pneumonia, was hitting Charlotte by that point, so she was very screamy and without medicine and had a hard time sleeping which wasn't un-stressful. So there was that.  But then we got in the hot tub with (more!) rum and coke anyway, because obviously.

SATURDAY

Saturday was the big day, the wedding. (I already blogged about that. It was perfect and beautiful.) But before the main event, Mark and I got a lunch date (remember how we brought a sitter to St Croix? win!) and we ate delicious food (Mark = fish tacos. Me = salad with a fruit and fried chicken on top. Because we are nothing if not predictable, even on vacation) and watched boats in the harbor and wandered around together.

Then we came home and got dressed for the wedding, and made a few (laughable) attempts at getting everyone to look at the camera.

eh, four out of five is a win right?

best most helpful friend in paradise

So after Another Nathan took the kids back to the house, Mark and I got to party and celebrate Brad and Marija. We had a great time with my family, snuck away to make out on the beach for a bit, overstayed our chance to catch a taxi home (yikes!) but caught a ride with some of Brad's friends back up the mountain to our house. It was all very... not us. In the best possible way.

(And then rum coke hot tub you know.)

SUNDAY

We made plans to meet up with any Bumgarners at the Carambola beach, which is Ashley's favorite on St. Croix (and also where she and John got engaged).

how many Bumgarners does it take to build a sand castle?

hold my hand in the ocean! hold my hand in the ocean! hold my hand in the ocean!

we have no idea why he did this pose/face in photos all week... ?

It was such an easy and fun and relaxing morning. Oh except the part where Charlotte cried forever. (Poor bronchitis baby on vacation.)

And the part where Mark got stung by sea urchins. Which he handled exactly like you would expect of Mark -- a shrug and a grin, while limping away. (But the nettles! They have reverse barbs! You can't get them out til they just... dissolve into you! The St. Croix remedy for this is to soak it in rum, and NO I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP ABOUT ALL THE RUM; rum is a Very Big Deal there.)

After the beach, we rinsed and dried and changed as best we could (we told Another Nathan that changing out of a swimsuit behind an open car door in the parking lot of a resort he's not staying in? yeah that basically makes your Bumgarner transformation complete) (Mark has pretty much been a Bumgarner for years by now, obvs) and then drove clear across the island (only twenty-six miles, but hours) to see Point Udall, which is the easternmost tip of the United States. It was beautiful. (And not just because of that adorable toddler wandering around.)

Nathan and Anneliese marked their territory. Literally. (Anneliese was like a dang puppy trying to sniff out the best patch of grass to pee in, and then proclaimed it her silly grassy potty so, yeah... stay classy, Bumgarners.)

Point Udall also afforded the only photo op for all six of us on the whole trip. When we were sweaty and post-beach. Aren't we hott? And hot?

Mark and Another Nathan needed some guy time so they hit up the one casino on the island while I took the kids to a park nearby and let them play. While the dudes gambled and played slots, the children filled discarded beer bottle caps with sand, and dumped it on picnic tables. (Para, para, paradise.)

Then we went had our farewell dinner in Christiansted, complete with ogling of the sea plane landing nearby, and the grand finale rum drink -- something with all the Cruzan rums mixed together. I have no idea what it was called. But it was delicious.

last island dinner; say bye-bye St Croix...

last Christiansted sunset

And then we did what any normal people would do when we got home -- finally take showers and relax in the air conditioning.

Haaaaaaa just kidding we had rum and coke in the hot tub.

And we maybe got a little silly and maybe jumped with maybe less swimwear than we should have had, into the cold pool (it had a swim up bar! with bar stools!) and maybe placed faux-debaucherous bar orders but eh don't judge, if you can't be a little fun and naughty with friends at your vacation villa, then when can you be? Kings of St. Croix indeed.

MONDAY

Our last morning was spent mostly packing and lounging by the pool at our house. Brad and Ashley and their spouses came over to say bye. We ducked into town to see the Christiansted fort for a few minutes of history.

Christiansted harbor, from the fort

things that make me melt:
one last father-son hammock nap

We lingered as long as we could and then we headed to the airport. Sad face.

Even sadder face was when we were stuck in Miami forever and ever for an increasingly delayed flight. I think we were there so long we ate two dinners. But the kids watching a dvd on the floor of the airport was fairly adorable in a new millenial kind of way, yes? Them whining and collapsing all over the grownups afterward, somewhat less so.

And saddest face when we landed in Raleigh at 1am with pounding headaches, tantruming children, still wearing Caribbean weather t-shirts in below-freezing weather.

But at least we had a gabillion pictures to look at! I have whittled them down to a healthy handful of favorites, if you want to see more of our awesome house and such -- click here.

Important takeaways:
1.) It took me all week, but I got to be the best of all of us at driving on the wrong side of the road. THE. BEST.
2.) It took him all week, but Another Nathan tried all the (Cruzan) rums.
3.) The first and only time Charlotte fell asleep on any flight was after we had begun our final descent on our final flight into Raleigh, omg child.
4.) No smoothie will ever taste as good or tropical as the ones we bought off the food truck by the roadside farmer's market on the island. Sketchy, sure. But all kinds of delicious.
5.) I freaking love Marky and and my family. Like whoa.

Brad + Marija

Well. My brother Brad has been married for fifteen days. I have a whole week of fun and beach and family pictures to share, but the most important thing, the whole reason for our trip to St Croix, was this wedding. So let's just dwell on that for a minute, shall we?

Okay so the whole background here (the short version), if you haven't heard the story a million times (we Bumgarners are story-tellers) is that we took a trip to St Croix in 2006, back when my mom was newly-embarked on her Path Of Crazy Fitness, and had set the goal to swim a five-mile ocean race. We did it with her, it was fun, it was lovely, and Brad decided he would like to... live there. So he did. Yep.

And we have all been back to visit many times since then.

It's where Mark and I took baby Nathan on our first real family vacation. Mom and Ashley did a beast of a triathlon there one year. It's become Dad and Cathy's excuse for a tropical getaway. It's where Ashley and John got engaged. It's where Brad became a legitimate sea captain. And met his future wife.

St. Croix is an important little dot in the ocean for the Bumgarners, is what I'm saying.

Mostly because of this:

(That's Brad's boss and island mentor and friend back there marrying them.)

Y'all, it was such a lovely wedding. I had never been to a wedding on a beach before, and this was everything I hoped one could be.

A perfect little grove of palm trees by the ocean.

A really excited ring bearer and sister of the groom.

And the rest of us pretty excited too.

My beautiful mother. (I love this picture of us, so much.)

A whole gaggle of Bumgarners (my parents, my siblings, our spouses, our children).

A healthy handful of fussy neices and nephews to bewilder the happy couple. Everything about this picture makes me laugh. Please have babies soon you two, mmkay?

A cool cake with bride/groom starfish on top.

(Best friend from home, managing kiddie antics somewhere in the background.)

A new Bumgarner sister, making Ashley and me unspeakably excited.

And my baby brother, as happy as I have ever ever seen him.

Welcome to our family, Marija. You're the happy-ever-after ending to Brad's St. Croix story, and we could not be more thrilled that you're officially a Bumgarner. We love you both so much.

(So you know, the good photography above is by my talented uncle, Robert. The crappy pics were taken by me, after rum and coke. So, yeah.)