38 weeks and 6 days

As of today, Anneliese has lived outside the womb as many days as she lived in it.  Yep, I totally counted. 

A normal pregnancy lasts forty weeks.  Mine with Anneliese was just shy of forty-one.  But accounting for the first two weeks of "pregnancy" before the baby is actually in there, and basing her fetal age on her first ultrasound (that's a safe bet, so early in gestation), that means Beanie lived inside me for 38 weeks and 6 days. 

And today, she is 38 weeks and 6 days old.  That's 272 days.  She's now officially spent just as much time out here ... as in there.

Mark considers me the queen of this kind of seemingly (but not really) obscure statistic, and loves to mock my wide-eyed wonder when I say things like, he's as old now as she was when such-and-such... or, whoa we're twice as old now as when we met (which, coincidentally -- or notsomuch -- is true). It produces lots of eye-rolling 'round these parts (he's doing it right now, I promise), and reminders that those age relationships are not really interesting considering everyone (God willing) will be every age at some point, and therefore these "milestones" were always coming.

But I continue to revel in this kind of thing* anyway. Because it is interesting. To me. 

Which is why today, I'm thinking a lot about this.  I'm having trouble deciding why Anneliese's doubling of her gestational time is boggling my mind.  In some ways, it seems like she's been with us for years and years.  It's kind of unfathomable to me that the pregnancy, now just a distant memory, lasted as long as the time we've been holding her in our arms.  To be fair, I didn't know about the pregnancy the second it happened, so that could account for some of it.  But still, it sure didn't feel like I was knocked up for that long.

Except, on the other hand... it kind of did.  So much changed over the course of those nine months (most notably, opting out of the workforce), making the pregnancy encompass so many different "seasons" of my life, that it seemed to take forever.  The early weeks of that pregnancy almost seem like part of a different lifetime.  Plus, those last few weeks were loooooong.  (Go back and read blog posts from early October if you don't believe me.)

It's amazing to me that in nine short months, a sperm and an egg can turn into a squirming screaming human.  And it's just as amazing that in that same time span again, the squirming screaming human can become a person -- an interactive game-playing giggling little girl with likes and dislikes and fears and favorites.  It's a miracle.  An everyday miracle.  And just because we can explain how it happened, doesn't make the fact that it did happen, any less miraculous.  How could anything or anyone but God have orchestrated something so mind-blowing?

Anyway, as monumental as those gestational 272 days were for both Anneliese and me, the 272 days since then have been even more so.  She's growing, I'm growing, we're both learning new things every day.  Have I mentioned lately how much I adore my little daughter?  I'm excited for many more weeks, days, and obscure milestones to celebrate with her. 

*And I'm not the only one!

Beanie: One Year Later

It was one year ago today that I peed on a stick and cried. One year ago today that I stared dumbfounded at my midsection and wondered how there could already be another baby in there when I was still carrying around that fat roll (or two) from the first one. One year ago today that Mark hugged me, grinned even though I was sobbing (and I am not a pretty cryer, people... picture a red face and copious amounts of snot and tears), and told me he was happy, and even excited, to have another baby.

It was one year ago today that he rubbed my round-but-not-from-the-pregnancy-yet belly and said, "Hi Beanie, it's Daddy," and in doing so, unknowingly christened our daughter with her in-utero name.

It would be weeks before I told people about the pregnancy, and months before I truly embraced the fact that I was going to be a mother of two, and almost a year before I felt ready to be a mother of two. (Because that feeling might have come only like ten minutes or so ago.)

I asked Nathan this week, "where's Beanie?" and he just stared at me blankly and repeated the question. He doesn't even remember Beanie. I don't know why that makes me sad, exactly, but it does. Maybe because although it was a hard mental transition for me, it was also the start of Anneliese's life, so I don't want any of us to forget about her Beanie days.

It's painful for me to remember how I felt a year ago today, but at the same time I don't want to rose-tint the memory. That is how I felt, and I don't want to lie about it, even to myself, in my own memories. But part of the reason it's so painful is that I was so, so, so dumb and so, so, so selfish to not be excited for the beautiful life growing inside me, the life that would turn into my beautiful daughter. My daughter. My sweet little Anneliese.

Now I definitely want her. I want her with me pretty much all the time, actually. I love her. I'm really glad God knew what I wanted better than I did. And I feel pretty foolish for not bursting into a big joyful laugh when I peed on that stick last year, because that's how I feel about my Beanie now. I can't imagine life without her, nor do I want to.

The Requisite Resolutions Post

So... not sure what to do about those pesky resolutions this new year.

Two years in a row I have resolved to remove all profanity from my mouth and two years in a row I have failed. Maybe I should work on that, for real, since Nathan now officially repeats anything and everything. Plus, it just doesn't sound nice and it doesn't say a lot about my lack o self-control that I can't get angry without using ugly words.

Two years in a row I have resolved to be more active. I am usually pretty good at this in the first half of the year but then when the weather gets cold and the holidays roll around I start my sloth pattern. And the cycle continues.

Two years in a row I have resolved to lose baby weight. Technically I can't make this resolution again since I didn't gain any weight in Anneliese's pregnancy, so when she left my body, that put me at less than where I started. But I am most definitely still carrying around Nathan's baby weight. I like how if I call it Nathan's baby weight, it makes it seem like it's more his fault than mine. (Which it totally is. Come live with me in denial, won't you? It's fun here.)

One thing I do want to try this year is cooking more with Nathan. I keep reading and hearing that kids aren't such picky eaters when they have a hand in preparing the food. So at least once a week (no matter how hectic my evening hours feel), I resolve to cook a meal that Nathan can help with. I am hoping that introducing him to new textures and tastes and giving him a sense of ownership in the meal will make him a better eater (instead of all-carbs-all-the-time which is his current diet plan). Can't hurt to try, anyway.

Unlike the past two years, one thing I won't be resolving to do is be more intimate with my husband. The first year things went well but still didn't get where we wanted. The second year we got pregnant unexpectedly about two weeks into the resolution. So I resolve to never ever make another resolution about sex ever again. Except that one I just made. That one doesn't count. It starts... now.

2009: Year in Review

From what I can see on facebook and in my feed reader, it sounds like most people are ready for 2009 to be over and done with. Am I the only person in America who had a better 2009 than 2008? Because I totally did, even though this year brought nothing that I was expecting and a whole lot of things I wasn't.

My biggest focuses at the beginning of 2009 were getting rid of my hives, being a "better wife" (ahem) to my husband, and restructuring our family's finances. So last fall I got on birth control pills to hopefully regulate my hormones and prevent hives, and with that I stopped charting and tracking my monthly cycles (because won't the pill just take care of that whole pregnancy prevention thing? I mean, I don't need to think about it, right?), started setting a large chunk of money aside every month with the plan to replenish our just-in-case account... and then I got busy with the "better wife" thing.

And then those three stars aligned, and our lives changed forever. Because then there was Beanie.

With her pregnancy came the decision for me to walk away from a paying job, the newfound trust that Mark and I found in each other and in God's plan, and an absolutely beautiful daughter that I hadn't even known I wanted.

And God provided us with more in 2009 than just getting a new daughter: Nathan is completely healthy and developing normally, I have had nary a hive, Mark has a secure well-paying job that he loves, our just-in-case account is indeed now fully funded despite some financial surprises (and we even paid off the last of the student and car loans which makes us completely debt-free except for our mortgage), we have seen several new corners of the world (and even shared some of them with Nathan), and we have family and friends who support us and love us. Oh yeah, and I am a rockin' awesome wife. Definitely a good year. A banner year actually.

When I think about where I was a year ago today, I can only shake my head and smile. I had no idea what 2009 would have in store for us, yet looking back I seemed laughably confident that I was regaining some sense of control in my life. HA. So although this is the third time I have sat down to do a Year in Review post, it's the first time I will not end with any promises to myself about what next year will bring. Because if there is anything that God has taught me in 2009, it's that I don't get to control eveything. And you know what? I think I'm finally ok with that.

Especially if my letting go of control brings me half the wonder and joy that my amazing daughter has.

So instead of bemoaning the end of a difficult year (and indeed it wasn't easy), come with me and celebrate a year of unexpected blessings -- for our family, this will go down as The Year of Anneliese. Happy 2009!

Birth Date Winner: Cindy Gesell

Thanks to everyone who played along in our pool to guess Anneliese's birth date and time! We had thirty-eight guesses, and none of them were for her actual birthday. It was actually the only date in the first half of October that no one guessed! We should have seen that Oct 13 missing date on the guess list as a huge sign!

Most of you actually thought she was coming early. Less than half of the guesses were for her due date or later, and by the time I went into labor, only two people were left in the running!

Of those two, my former coworker Cindy Gesell was the closest to when Anneliese actually came (about 17 hours off). Cindy was a great colleague; she did quality control on parts of my work, and she was always friendly and helpful and kind to me.

Since she works in the company's Kansas office, her prize is a whole lot of Carolina goodness. She has some southern-style deep-fried peanuts (go ahead and eat the shell too!), some traditional Moravian cookies, some straight-from-NC barbecue sauce, good southern apple butter, and two kinds of NC-specialty jellies (muscadine and moonshine) coming her way. Enjoy it, Cindy, and thanks for your support -- both at work, and now for my family!

Below are all the guesses (I'm keeping a record of them here for posterity's sake); thanks to everyone who played!

Sept 24, 9:24am - Lois C
Sept 30, 12:00am - Shanna H
Sept 30, 11:32am - Erin O
Oct 1, 12:00am - Grandpa B
Oct 1, 3:49am - emu
Oct 1, 12:01pm - Marmie
Oct 1, 3:26pm - Mathieu G
Oct 2, 3:00pm - Aunt Barbara
Oct 3, 7:30am - Kendra N
Oct 3, 5:00pm - Peggy H
Oct 4, 2:21am - Mary C
Oct 4, 7:30am - Farrar H
Oct 4, 6:31pm - Lauren P
Oct 4, 11:32pm - Grandma G
Oct 5, 2:50am - Uncle John
Oct 5, 3:05am - Tony B
Oct 5, 2:30pm - Sarah D
Oct 5, 3:17pm - Merritt S
Oct 5, 8:46pm - Megan L
Oct 5, 11:30pm - Daddy
Oct 6, 2:44pm - Betsy M
Oct 6, 11:00pm - Katie F
Oct 7, 9:00am - Jessica W
Oct 7, 4:52pm - Cassi T
Oct 8, 12:00am - Grandpa B
Oct 8, 10:30am - Hope M
Oct 8, 10:30am - Debbie
Oct 8, 12:00pm - Luanne R
Oct 8, 4:22pm - Ruth C
Oct 9, 8:07am - Roxann
Oct 9, 11:31pm - Kelley C
Oct 10, 2:47am - Uncle Brad
Oct 10, 10:10am - Betty B
Oct 10, 10:00pm - Aunt Ashley
Oct 10, 10:34pm - Andrea S
Oct 11, 3:14pm - Mary W
Oct 12, 8:35am - Cindy G
Oct 14, 5:00am - Jenny C

In Praise of Epidurals: A Birth Story

Brace yourself, this will be the most boring thing you have ever read about childbirth. That's because I had the best labor ever. And since we're stuck in the hospital for one more night (argh), I am taking the time to write it all out before I forget the details.

10am - I had a 41-week checkup (people are really nice to you at those; they feel bad that you even had to schedule a 41-week checkup!) and while they were checking Beanie (she was still Beanie at that point) on the monitor, they noticed I was having decent contractions every 6-7 minutes. Who knew? Not me, they were so mild I hadn't even noticed. They told me to come back for a labor check if they got to be more intense or if they got down to 4 minutes apart.

11am - I took Bowden to the vet (you knew I would end up at the vet during early labor) and ran some errands nearby -- shoe shopping and fall scent-hunting at Bath & Body Works. Contractions were still pretty mild but got to 4 minutes apart, so I headed home.

1pm - we packed our stuff for the hospital, left Nathan with Uncle Nick (who I grudgingly allowed to take this picture), and went back to the OB's office. Even though contractions were about 3 min apart, my cervix was still only at 2cm so they didn't want me to go to the hospital yet. Left with instructions to go eat something, sit still, and see if they intensified on their own, without walking etc.

2:30pm - did my early labor at Panera Bread. For the record, a chopped cobb salad is really good labor food. :) Contractions weren't closer but they certainly got more intense.

4pm - went back to the OB's office for another labor check. Yes, I have now been to the office three times in one day. Cervix was still 2cm, and I started to get scared at that point. I was beginning to have real pain, and based on how fast Nathan's labor went once I started dilating, I knew that once it started, it would be a race to the finish. I was worried about getting admitted in time to get an epidural. Midwife gave us instructions to go home and (although it seemed counterintuitive) try to slow down the contractions -- hot bath, nap, no movement. She thought if we could slow them down, then when they restarted (which they would, if it was real labor), they would be more productive.

7:30pm - guess what, she was right. After a bath and some couch time with Nathan, my contractions had slowed down and then come back to between 2 and 3 minutes, and were pretty hard. Suddenly I knew, it's time. NOW. I think Nick was a little awkward and worried ("um, Nathan? Go hold mommy's hand, ok?") but I have to give him credit for not freaking out even when he could tell my pain was getting worse. I mean, he's never been around anyone in labor before. So anyway we woke Mark up from his nap and headed out the door in kind of a rush. A rainy rush. A rainy rush where people on the road are driving way too slow and oh Lord don't they know I'm in labor??? Pain, people. Labor is painful.

8pm - I started remembering why I hate hospitals. Sitting in triage, in pain, and the nurses want me to recline in the bed so they can monitor Beanie's heart rate. Seriously? That is not comfortable and the contractions are at least four times worse when I do that so I will not be reclining back on this bed. I promise she's alive in there and you will not get in trouble for not keeping her heart rate steady on that stupid piece of paper printing from that stupid machine in this stupid little triage room where I am in pain. I will be sitting upright or standing, thankyouverymuch. Some gem of a nurse came in and found the equivalent of "fetal heartrate tracking is irregular due to mother won't cooperate" in her computer and told me to do whatever felt best. I saw Jesus shining from that nurse's soul.

8:20pm - found out my cervix was still only at 2cm. So even though my contractions were hard and close, and my pain was very very real, that's technically not labor. And technically you're supposed to be in labor to be admitted to the labor & delivery unit. Technically. But amazingly, the awesome OB who was on call decided to trust my instinct that she's coming, and trust my instinct (and birthing history) that once my cervix moved it would go really fast, and decided to admit me anyway. (I'm sure my pain and the fact that I was already five days late factored into that decision.) Jesus was shining from that man's soul and his earlobes. He even got me hooked up to the antibiotic I would need for my strep-B (proof that he believed me on the speed thing, since the second dose has to come four hours after the first, but before delivery) and the fluids I would need before getting an epidural, all before I was even moved to a labor room. Yay for doctors who trust moms' bodies and instincts!

9pm - got into a labor room and we're pretty sure it's the same exact room Nathan was born in. I did shed some tears over the fact that Beanie might have to wear one of those ugly hospital hats when she was born, but then decided to stop crying about it (no idea why it upset me so much, so let's just blame labor mmmkay?) and just found another hat in our bag and put it in the bassinet so they'd put her in that one instead of theirs. Problem solved, tears abated, and then (only then) did Mark decide it was safe to laugh at me. I agree it's funny in hindsight. :)

9:30pm - Contractions just under 2 minutes apart and hard. I was still waiting on the epidural and the pain was getting worse and worse, though I think I powered through it like a champ using breathing techniques and focusing on Mark telling me stories about Nathan to get those endorphins rushing to whatever "natural" pain relief they could bring. I was more scared than in pain, I think, because I knew how much worse it could get and that sort of terrified me. I was having horrifying flashbacks to Nathan's delivery which was way too fast and ended with the epidural man not showing up until I was ready to push. Fortunately this time I had a dream of a nurse (kind, sense of humor, not a cheerleader, I'm telling you Jesus was shining through people all over that L&D wing) and an experienced hubby and they both made it much easier for me to talk myself up instead of down, and to keep me from panicking.

10pm - epidural was in. Two words: PURE BLISS. Still only 3cm dialted, but at that point I didn't care if labor took all night or if they had to pump me full of sixteen bags of pitocin to get me moving. I was happy, people. Epidural happy. And I daresay there's no better kind.

11pm - read some magazines, watched some tv, chatted with Mark, and took a nap. That's right, I took a nap in labor. Did I mention that the epidural rocks?

12:15am - our nurse noticed Beanie's pulse pattern showing indications that there was pressure on her head. Which probably meant that the cervix was opening and she was lowering. So she checked me and indeed I was 8cm. With no pitocin. I felt incredibly validated about the whole going-fast thing!
12:35am - my water broke on its own and within 10 minutes I was fully dilated and ready to push. I don't think Mark and I understood that at the time; we just thought they were calling the doc to come check me or something. But I did start feeling the urge to push and I felt very relieved, since I had been worried the epidural would take away that sensation and I would waste a bunch of time and energy pushing wrong. No need for the worry, I could feel the pressure but not the pain, so my body knew exactly what to do (and was already asking to do it!), but they had me wait to push until someone from pediatrics came up, since Beanie (like her brother before her) had made a big ol' poop inside the womb.

1am - all the necessary parties were present (including a peds resident with fabulous Fabio hair) and I started pushing every time I had a contraction.

1:27am - Beanie arrived! (And she stayed Beanie for another hour or so while we finalized our name choice.) I got to cuddle her and snuggle her and talk to her and marvel at the fact that I have a daughter, all while they stitched me up and I relaxed, pain-free.

I know there are lots of people with lots of valid reasons for wanting to deliver their babies without pain medication. But for the record, I am not one of them. I have done it both ways and I have to say that I much preferred the latter. The one with the working epidural. The one I enjoyed. The moral of the story? Have the delivery you want, so that you can be happy and proud at the end. Whether that's numb or natural or something in between, just do what works for you -- there's no wrong answer.

And while you're deciding, I will forever sing the praises of my epidural. :)

Happy Birthday, Beanie!

Meet the newest member of our family...

Anneliese Caroline Goettsch

She is 8 lbs, 4 oz and 21.5 inches long. She was born today at 1:27am after a relatively uneventful labor and uncomplicated delivery. Both mom and baby are doing great!

And, for the record.... she was six days late: She was worth the wait, though, and we're happy to finally have her in our arms.

Children are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. (Ps. 127:3)

Hope's Top 10 for Overdue Pregnancies

[My friend Hope from Furman, the lovely and talented matriarch of a missionary family in Scotland -- you don't get epidurals there! -- has been very sympathetic to my slightly-overdue pregnancy this week. Her son Cole (that's him down there to the right) was born last month, and he came a week late, as did one of her daughters. So she agreed to guest-post this list in honor of Beanie. Who, I hope, will not be nearly as late as either of Hope's overdues. Oh! And another thing about Hope -- she's an amazing photographer, as you can see... and she's on her way back to the states this fall if you want to hire her!]

Top 10 encouraging words for pregnant women who are overdue (in no particular order):

1. I’m so sorry that you are uncomfortable.
2. I’m praying for you. And then actually do pray, don’t just say that you are.
3. I hope he comes soon or I can’t wait for her to be here! Thanks, me too!
4.
...Um, sorry, turns out this is going to be a top 3 list, because I can’t think of anything else.
Now for the more cathartic top 10 list.

Top 10 things NOT to say to a pregnant woman who is overdue (from least offensive to most grievous):

1. Well, you look great. Compared to what??? The biggest waddling penguin that you’ve ever seen??? Someone so pumped full of water that it looks like they are going to explode?? It makes me wonder what I look like on a normal basis if this looks good.
2. What does your doctor/ midwife say? Um, she says that the baby is still in there and obviously doesn’t want to come out.
3. Eat spicy food. Seriously, who ever ate spicy food and went into labor immediately after? Bring on the tums, please.
4. There’s only one way for the baby to come out. Helpful… can we just get it over with already?
5. What’s the rush? Um, my pubic bone that feels like it is going to snap in half or the itchy rash developing in my ever increasing stretch marks thatstherush.
6. Are you having any contractions? I love my husband dearly and he has been SO incredibly helpful, but if he asks me one more time if I am having contractions, so help me…
7. Something to the effect of, You’ll wish you were just pregnant when the baby is 6 months old, or keeping you up at night, etc. Just don’t go there, k?
8. It’s all in the Lord’s timing. Yes, in my heart of hearts, I know this to be true, but please refer to pubic bone and stretch mark rash comment in number 5.
9. You’ll miss being pregnant. You know, I have even said this to someone who was overdue a baby. And I repent in sackcloth and ashes.
10. Is the baby here yet? NO. Seriously, if you ask again, the baby is going to be 2 years old until we tell you she has been born.

*********************

If I were adding to Hope's list, it would be the advice to have sex. I mean, it is good advice. But don't you think we thought of that already? More than once? Believe me when I say that this -- the most pleasant of at-home labor induction techniques -- was not saved as a last resort. (Mark says it's only fair, since we didn't get to "try" for this baby at the beginning!)

And I have also decided that all the women out there who feel the need to tell me how their babies were two months late or whatever... you should know: it doesn't make me feel better to hear your horror story. Did you really think it would? I am going to start charging you people a dollar -- or making you look at my ugly stretch marks in exchange -- if you really must tell me these stories.

That being said, I am only three days late so I am still trying to be a good sport, which is why I am sharing this post with tongue firmly in cheek. If you've said these things to me, I still love you and I really do appreciate that you're trying to be supportive.

And no, I have not had the baby yet.

Due Date Update

It's officially October 7, Beanie's due date. The last day of the last week of a full-term pregnancy. My forty weeks are up. The strangest and most surprising forty weeks of my life, for the record. The "Beanie Counter" over there to the right is mocking me, excitedly proclaiming I have zero days left! My uterus, steadfast in its stillness, seems to think otherwise.

And now... NOW, you can tell me that I look like I'm about to pop. (Those of you who said it a month ago? Yeah, offense taken.)

We have scheduled a labor induction for next Wednesday, assuming she isn't here by then. But she'd better be. Both because I don't want to wait that long, and I really don't want to be induced (I have called pitocin the elixir of Satan more than once, and I stand by that statement).

In the meantime, I am bored. Mark's work leave started on Saturday and I hate that we're just sitting around doing nothing during his time off. We toyed around with going to Wilmington on Monday to see the battleship and the beach for a few hours, but rain did away with those family-day plans. So I am now actually bored enough to be wishing for labor. Yes, even though labor is pretty much the most awful thing in the world. I mean, I have to do it anyway, right? So it might as well be sooner rather than later, so I can meet my little girl!

I was also apparently bored enough that I shaved my legs. For the second time in 2009. (Earth-shattering, I know.) Because, you know... that will make the whole delivery process a little smoother and more feminine, right? [shakes head]

And our family has finally been personally affected by the H1N1 virus. We knew it was inevitable, but this timing? Not so hot. First, we found out that siblings won't be allowed to come to the hospital to meet new babies. No one under eighteen is allowed in that wing of the hospital. Because Mark has a fond memory of going to the hospital with his dad to meet his baby brother two and a half decades ago, he was looking forward to taking Nathan... and is a little bummed that it won't happen quite how we pictured it. But, we also know Nathan is only two and probably wouldn't remember it anyway. It's probably a good rule, as much as I hate to admit it.

And then... THEN, we found out last night that the people taking care of Nathan during our hospital stay officially have H1N1. That's right, we have a confirmed case of swine flu in our toddler's caretakers one day before our newborn's due date. Which means they can't really take care of Nathan and expose him... Nathan getting sick for a few days would be miserable, but probably not the end of the world. But a newborn getting swine flu (or any flu, for that matter) would be much much worse. The family feels really bad (though it's no fault of their own, of course... we just want them to feel better, fast!) and I think they're a little bummed they won't be in on the Beanie-delivery action after all. I told them to rest assured that they will go down in history as being part of the action. We will definitely be telling this story in years to come. This will make it into the baby book. Beanie will know, for sure, that they had a diagnosis of the infamous 2009 swine flu the day before we expected her. (I'm not sure if I made them feel better or worse by telling them that.) And in ten years, this will be really funny.

In the meantime, praise Jesus for the gift of Nick and Barbara, whose availability to our family for everything from a last-minute middle eastern vacation, to an unexpected change in hospitalization plans, is nothing short of amazing. I kind of don't know what we would do without them. (Or without Nick's flexible work-from-home-with-a-toddler-nephew schedule.)

For now, I am off to spend my due date at the spa. (Because who would say no to that, if the hubby gives the green light?) Which will be about four hundred times more comfortable than labor anyway. A prenatal massage and pumpkin spice body scrub are definitely in order, especially if my massage therapist knows any pressure points to trigger labor (here's hoping).

Beanie's Room

With the addition this week of some awesome custom-made curtains, Beanie's room is officially ready for her! Pardon the seam down the middle of the picture, there's not actually a corner there; I'm just not good at photoshopping and I had to combine two shots to get the whole room in one pic.

We have been trying to "girly" the room up a bit, since we decided to use Nathan's old crib bedding, which is green and brown (it was marketed as gender-neutral, but seemed boyish to us). It's really nice, and still in great condition, and we didn't want to buy all new stuff when we thought we could make the room feminine enough by just adding pink as an accent color. I got lots of pink stuff for the nursery at my shower and from friends, and I love how the room turned out. I especially love the pink elephant lamp on the nightstand, it's one of the first things I notice when I come into her room and it makes me smile every time.

I'd say it definitely looks like a girl's room now, wouldn't you? (The very same bedding and furniture, with blue as an accent color, looks oh-so-different when I see the pictures of getting Nathan's room ready before his arrival!)

Crib, with Nathan's original bedding and some new fun pink sheets and stuff added in: Fabulous curtains, custom-made by Aunt Barbara (who rocks and is pretty much my favorite person this week): Breast pump (secondhand from my former boss, remember what I said about how that really was a great job?) is ready to go in an awesome basket from Sarah ...which should have a green ribbon on it but Nathan took it off and I haven't re-glued it yet:Closet (and bins in the changing table too) full of hand-me-downs (mostly from Jenny), and sweet girly gifts from friends, and diapers. Can you tell I had fun getting everything organized and labeled? Wonder how long it will last. :)Hard to believe that in a matter of days, my daughter (!!!!!) will be hanging out in here. MY DAUGHTER. Wow.

Hello, October!

As the last hours of September turned into the first day of October, I have had a major mood shift: I am ready for this baby.

I don't know what caused it, exactly.

Could be that the weather has cooled substantially over the last forty-eight hours, and it kind of feels like fall. Kind of.

Could be that the OB I saw yesterday said she had dropped substantially (now at zero station, thank goodness!), and that I had dilated back to 2cm, and am now 80% effaced. He thinks she's coming this weekend, but I doubt it. (I mean, what does he know? He thinks I might not want/need an epidural, since this one looks to be a quick one, like I might push her out before I notice I'm in pain or something. Which just proves that for all his obstetrical genius, he is still a man.) I am still thinking next week.

But I think mostly it's that I had a mental picture of an October baby, and here it is October. It's been this looming thing in front of us for so long (I feel like I've been saying she's due in October for so many months now!!) and now October is... here.

I have about 2 or 3 more things on my "before she comes" to-do list (yes, I really have one), and I plan to take my time and get them done over the next couple of days. Mark's last day of work is tomorrow, and then he is off until the first week in November (yay!)...

But in the meantime, little girl, we're ready when you are. No rush, though. Just let me know when you think it's your birthday, ok?

It's-A-Girl Cheesecake!

[One week until Beanie's due date. But who needs another belly shot? I don't want to pose for it, and I promise you don't want to see it. Just take my word for it: I'm huge. So instead, I'm writing about food. Something far more pleasant than my ever-expanding abdomen.]

I wouldn't call them cravings, exactly. But I have had a hankering for several foods over the past few months. Like seafood. I kind of can't get enough.

And cheesecake.

I know this will sound absurd, but sometimes when I have heartburn (which happens fairly frequently, what with the whole baby-pushing-stomach-into-my-esophagus thing) I just really want some cheesecake. I feel like it will help. I don't know if it's the idea of something smooth and creamy to coat over the burning and churning inside me, or if it's just my pregnant body's way of getting protein in any form possible. But I really convince myself that cheesecake will do the trick. And when I have been able to get my hands on some, it really has worked.

So despite all the mocking from my friends and family, I continue to want cheesecake when I have heartburn.

This week (seeing as I'm in full-on nesting mode) I went ahead and just made one for myself. And then, even though it's just regular flavor (Mark's favorite) and not strawberry or anything fancy or fun, I dyed it pink. Why, you ask? Because 1.) I am still on a high from my new gel food coloring and will come up with pretty much any excuse to dye my food these days, and 2.) I will have a daughter soon!

It also just so happens that our old-and-new-again friends Betsy and Steven had their baby daughter today! So... Happy Birth Day, Elise!! Everyone else, enjoy a virtual slice of it's-a-girl cheesecake in her honor!

(And to cure your heartburn, if you have it.)

More Nesting = New Study

My nesting instinct has been in full-force throughout most of this pregnancy. I have been cleaning a lot (well, a lot for me), organizing and re-organizing kid supplies and kitchen cabinets and closets all over the house, and generally spending a lot of effort getting our house in order for our expanding family. It's biological, and when I get the urge, there is almost no controlling it. I feel antsy and worried until whatever project is on my mind is just done.

It started around the halfway point in May, when we had to reorganize the kids' rooms and my office to accommodate Nathan in his new big-boy bed. I went a little crazy that week. And the end result was that my office took on a lot of Beanie's stuff, a lot earlier than expected. My professional space was taken over by all the "baby" stuff we took out of Nathan's room, and I worked like that for several months more, before I left my job in July.

The problem was, even after I cleared all my company's property out of Beanie's room, it still was 50% study and 50% nursery. Which totals to 100% hot mess, as you can see:So Mark and I decided to re-work part of our downstairs rec room into our family's new study. He was already set up down here with a kitchen table and his own computer, but we got rid of a bunch of stuff to make room for a real office space. And it's so much nicer this way!
One of the best parts? To the right of the desk, Nathan has a play area where he can build blocks and load dump trucks, and my back isn't turned to him. This is a novel concept for Mark and me, since in the past both our desks faced a wall, so juggling computer/bill/work time with Nathan was difficult to say the least.

But the very best part is that I don't really have to be down here with Nathan... ever. And I rarely am. I'm sure it's a reaction from the two years I spent juggling mommying with employment, but I now avoid being on the computer when Nathan is around as if it's some kind of disease that I already beat once and might contract again: no re-contamination!

Nonetheless, I am glad to have a new study for our family, one that's well-organized (I projected my own nesting instincts onto Mark and he re-worked our whole filing system and computer cord system, to keep both far out of the way... yay!) and doesn't have to share space with a company or a kid.

See? Nesting is totally worth it. :)

New Backpacks for the Kids

[We're in the middle of a frustrating weekend of very little sleep and way too much crying. Instead of boring you with the details of how Nathan hasn't been sleeping well for the last six months, and how five-minute soothes in the middle of the night are no longer working, and how Mark is in favor of trying the cry-it-out method, and how we all hate it but agree it's crazy to keep doing what we had been doing when clearly it's not working... instead of all that, I will write about something positive.]

I got two new bags in the mail!

As I've mentioned before, I really do love a new bag. And my sister sent TWO! To be fair, these are technically for the kids. But I'm the one who gets to pack and unpack them and decide which stuff goes in which pocket, so that's pretty much a present for moi! The blue one will be Nathan's and the purple one will be Beanie's.

I have been coveting Ashley's bag like this for quite some time. It's a backpack that's big enough to actually wear, but small enough to not be cumbersome. It's hard to tell sitting on the changing table, but these bags are not huge at all.

It has lots of pouches (including a mesh one for wet stuff; technically it was designed for swimmers) and pockets, which I love. She actually tried to give me one this spring, but when Brad was in town, he saw it and thought it was for him, and... well, you know how that goes. Yes, the bag is that awesome that even he was excited to get one.

So of course the first thing I did when the package came was unpack my hospital stuff from an old backpack of Mark's, and put it in Beanie's new backpack. And even though labor will be awful, at least I will have an awesome bag with me. Small concession, but it really does help. A little.

We way overpacked for the hospital with Nathan, and I found myself annoyed at all the stuff we had to trip over in our room. So we're going pretty far the other way this time, and only bringing the bare essentials (plus diapers and otc meds, of course, because do you know how expensive those things are if they bill you for them? don't get me started); since we live so close to the hospital and Mark will be back and forth a good bit anyway, we're figuring he can grab anything that we end up needing later. Let me ask you: what do I really need with me in the hospital? What's one thing you were glad you had on hand for delivery and postpartum?

Thanks for the backpacks, Ashley!!

[Also, today is the 26th... so happy 26 months to Nathan, and happy 9 months to Beanie!]

Pregnant is the New Skinny (38-Week Bump)

Due date is two weeks from today!

(Please excuse the grodiness of my front door. It's actually recently cleaned, just all scratched up.)

I hate to say it, for those of you who guessed September birthdays, but I don't think she's coming until October. My cervix is going the other way! At least she's finally dropping a little. Her head is lower, but her body still seems just as high (it's been noted at several checkups that she seems long-legged, so maybe she's just stretching out!)...

Hospital bag is (mostly) packed.
Nursery is (mostly) ready.

And I'm enjoying a refreshing cocktail of Miralax and kool-aid. My, isn't pregnancy glamorous. Oh, but did you get the memo?

Pregnant is the new skinny. Am I right?

Overwhelmed

Two things overwhelmed me this week:

1.) We took a tour of the maternity wing at the hospital -- just as a refresher on where to park, where to go, etc, when I'm in labor. And we saw babies. We saw nurses. We saw doctors. We saw beds and iv poles and birthing balls and big deep labor tubs. And it reminded me that this is really happening. How are we doing this again? Already?? The part of me that had mostly made peace with the coming of a daughter got really overwhelmed again, and I found myself crying in the hospital parking deck. Not sure if it's just hormones, or if I'm really truly still having trouble with this pregnancy, or if I'm a little scared of labor, or if I just remembered that I don't love hospitals (even though I stand by my decision to deliver there, both for the nicu and the epidural -- assuming I get it in time, that is). Maybe it's all of the above, actually. I'm still looking forward to meeting her, even though the reality of the hospital visit was unexpectedly harsh and hit me unexpectedly hard.

2.) Mark put our new tandem stroller together, and we loaded Nathan up in it to "drive" in the big brother seat. And then, after we had loaded our kid into the stroller, there was still an empty space where a child should be sitting. Another crazy reality.

Yep, this is really happening. In a little less than three weeks (or so). Wow.

Baby Shower for Mommy and Beanie

My awesome friend Jenny hosted a shower for Beanie and me at our house this weekend. You might think that because it was at our house, it would mean I had to do some of the hostessing work, too.... but nope! Really -- I just got to relax, recover a little bit from my exhausting week, eat ridiculously yummy chicken salad, visit with friends, play games, and open gifts. Jenny either did or delegated everything else. Amazing. Also, she's the kind of friend who knows I would always rather have brownies than cake. Everyone needs a friend like that.

We played that typical baby shower game where guests have to take a piece of yarn and cut off what they estimate is the circumference of my belly. Can I just say there is no way to play this game without someone calling me fat? Or a whole lot of someones??? Honestly, my sister and my (very dear friend who took care of Nathan and me all weekend, so I won't complain) Sarah both held their arms straight out in front of them to estimate my belly size. Straight out in front of them. Wow. I'm knocked up, but I'm not that huge. When I put my own arms out in front of me, they extend well past my belly. I promise. Well past. I did get to ask a few of them "Are you calling me fat?" (you know, my trademark phrase) and make them deliciously uncomfortable, though, which was fun. :)

I got a whole lot of girly stuff, which I am very excited about. Outfits, and things to add to Nathan's handed-down nursery bedding to make the room a little more feminine, and lots of diapers and baby gear. One of my favorite things was a beautiful little elephant lamp, which I will post pictures of as soon as the nursery is more set up (should happen in the next week or so, I hope, I hope).
We also got a good laugh out of some pajamas which looked like they had ribbons in the, um, nipular area... but it turns out they were lower than we thought at first glance. Before we figured that out, though, we laughed so hard we cried (thanks, Oma!)... well, Ashley and I did anyway. Not sure anyone else really gets our sense of humor.

And speaking of Ashley, this picture of the two of us with Nathan is, I'm pretty sure, my favorite pic from the shower. Barbara took it (and all the pictures, I think) right after Nathan woke up from his nap and made his appearance (wearing his Big Brother shirt) at the shower. He was mighty happy to see Ashley when he opened his eyes, and also happy to see his Grandma and other friends when he joined the gathering. I think he might have been a little too sleepy to deal with both Ashley and me right after his nap, though, as you can see. I'm sure his daddy (and most of the rest of our family) can attest to that feeling! He wasn't too overwhelmed to open a few big brother presents, though (grandparents think of everything). Even though I am still recovering a little from last week, and spent most of the afternoon leaning on my hip with my feet propped up, it was a very fun day! Thank you to my friends and family who came and who sent beautiful things for me and my daughter-to-be!!


For more pics from the shower, click here.

Guess Beanie's Birthday, Win a Prize!

We're having a contest! Leave a comment (or email me) with your best guess for Beanie's birth date (and time) and whoever gets closest will win a prize. (An actual prize, not a cyber-prize like Mark's valentine flowers.) The prize will be customized to the winner, so we can't announce what it is yet, of course.

I am totally copying my friend emu by doing this, but her family had so much fun with it that I thought it was worth doing, even if it makes me a copycat. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, right?

Like emu, I will give you some information to help you make an educated guess. Assuming you think any of the information below is valuable in predicting a birth date, that is.

1.) My mother's intuition says I will go into labor on October 6th, 7th, or 8th. That's her due date +/- 1 day.

2.) In the interest of full disclosure, you should know that my mother's intuiton has never correctly predicted a gender or birth date (including my own two).

3.) Beanie's due date based on an early ultrasound (at 7 weeks) is Oct 7th.

4.) Her due date based on my last cycle is Oct 1st. My cycles were off since Nathan wasn't weaned at that point, though.

5.) Her due date based on when Mark and I think we (ahem) made her would be either Oct 4th or Oct 10th.

6.) There is a full moon on Oct 4th.

7.) I am carrying her high. Much, much higher than Nathan. I am 36 weeks and 2 days, and she has not "dropped" yet.

8.) Nathan came 4 days late.

9.) I came on my correct due date. (Not the one my mom coaxed the doctor into using so she could do her pregnancy classes and such a month earlier.) Mark has no idea if he was early or late.

10.) With Nathan I was 100% effaced at this point, but not dilated at all. With Beanie I am currently only 50% effaced, but dilated to almost 2 cm.

11.) My blood pressure took a sudden spike this week. It's still to be determined if that was a fluke, or if it's a problem. Your guess is a good as mine at this point. My mom calls fluke. She's a doctor and a grandmother, so give her opinion whatever weight you think it deserves.

12.) I am having contractions -- both productive and braxton-hicks. And have been since about 28 weeks.

13.) My belly is measuring about 34cm, which is right on target.

14.) Nathan came at 1:42am, and I was most grateful that I don't have to remember his birthday as my labor day (aka my dark day). If I have any say-so, that would happen again. But I don't really get a say-so, huh?

15.) I think that pitocin just might be the work of the devil himself, and will therefore beg and plead to avoid an induction, even if she's late.

So, make your best guess! And if there's other info you want/need to know in order to cast your ballot, let me know and I will provide it!

Belly Bump at 36 Weeks

[So I drafted this post and took this picture on Wednesday, at exactly 36 weeks. But since then, I have had a little medical mini-adventure, the details of which aren't going to become internet-public -- even *I* have limits. Just suffice it to say it was gross and painful, but after a blurry 48 hours including a very minor in-clinic surgery, a fair amount of tears, blood, dozing, baths, vicodin, and the best husband on the planet, I am feeling human again. So here is your belated belly pic.]


As promised, I am posting a 36-week belly shot. I might do another one before the due date (and I'm sure Mark will insist on taking one as we leave for the hospital anyway) but as I'm starting to feel rather huge, I am getting a little camera-shy.Believe it or not, this is smaller than I was at this point with Nathan. I feel bigger than I have ever been in my life, but Mark assures me (and the OB's measuring tape concurs) that my abdomen has indeed seen bigger days...

...and will again, since we still have a month to go!

Labor Day.... One Month Until Labor

Well, it's Labor Day. And it's the 7th. Which means it has fallen exactly a month before Beanie's due date. So y'all enjoy your rest from labors today... while I dwell on the fact that my real labor will be in a month. A MONTH. That's soon, people.

So in honor of Labor Day, and my own upcoming labor, I thought I would do a pregnancy FAQ update. Since it's been a while, you know. So here are some more answers to another round of frequently-asked questions.

1.) How do you feel? Um, how are you people still asking me this question? Is it like a whole pregnancy kind of thing? (I think I remember yes, from being pregnant with Nathan.) Honestly, I feel ok. I am getting huge, and therefore it's hard to get comfortable to sleep through the night (even if I didn't have to pee every few hours, which I do). I have heartburn since I am carrying her a lot higher than I carried Nathan, and she likes to kick me in the esophagus and push acid up in there. But even though I am a less comfortable now than I was at this point with Nathan, Mark tells me I am handling it better. And you people keep telling me I look great. All of that stuff helps. So keep it coming, but enough with the how do you feel? mmkay thanks.

2.) Are you having contractions? Yes. I'm having braxton-hicks contractions which are uncomfortable but not a big deal. And I am having real productive contractions sometimes as well. Which is also fine. Every one I have now is one I don't have to have later, right? And they're not so productive that I am progressing rapidly or in labor or anything. I have full faith that she'll hang out for another month. Maybe I live in denial, but I am happy living here.

3.) Are you ready for the hospital, bags packed, car seat installed, etc? Nope. We are old pros at the car seat now and likely won't install it until after she's born; I mean Mark will come home from the hospital a few times anyway, he'll just do the seat on one of those trips before he comes to bring us home. I do have a growing pile of stuff to bring to the hospital, but it's not packed. Even a little bit.

4.) Are you emotionally ready? No. Please don't come yet, sweetie.

5.) Have you decided on a name? Yes. Well, we are 99% sure. There is still a slight chance we will fall back on one of Mark's original favorites, and because he loves it so much, I am willing to wait to hold her and "try it on" at the hospital before officially ruling it out. But since it's pretty unlikely I will suddenly fall in love with it after delivery, we do have another name that we're both very happy with. We're sticking with our plan to wait until she comes to share it, but we did tell Nathan. Who has told three people. Two of them were completely oblivious, but we're pretty sure the other has it figured out. The official decision and announcement will come when she's born though. I promise it's not really going to be Beanie. In case some of you (ahem, Ryan) thought we were being serious.

6.) Do you have a plan for Nathan during your hospital stay? Yes, though the final details are still being arranged. Uncle Nick will come stay with him during the nights, and our friends from church, the Chamblees, will let Nathan hang out with them (either at our house or theirs) during the days. And we'll have some spot-coverage in case I go into labor during the few days when Nick and/or the Chamblees already have plans. But our boy will be in good hands while he makes the transition to big-brotherhood!

7.) Any more races or events on the horizon? Yes, one more. My mom and I will again attempt the 2-mile Pier to Pier swim in Wrightsville Beach again (hopefully the weekend will be easier than last year!), which is next Saturday. I will be just shy of 37 weeks pregnant. Swimming at this point is much more comfortable than other exercise (I haven't done any running since June, and even hiking and walking wears me out quickly these days, though I still try to take Nathan out for a stroll several times a week). I think the swim itself will be fine, assuming I can get through the road trip without going into labor. I have no idea if my workout suit even fits. But I am looking forward to my last open-water event for a while!

8.) Have you smacked anyone yet for touching your belly uninvited? No. But I have thought about it. And I have had to give some Looks, and a few statements like um, I'm sorry, but I actually don't love people touching my belly. Hands off please. But I have not smacked anyone. Which means, for the record, I am still not as bad as my mom. :)

9.) Any cravings? Just food, in general. I have been all about some chocolate milk (which I try to drink in the form of protein shakes on days when I don't eat well otherwise), and of course I am loving having an extra excuse to eat a big mac. We have gotten lots of chicken ranch sandwiches from Chili's this summer. And I haven't turned down much kool-aid. I lost count of the number of mounds bars several months ago. But one perk of the heightened senses in pregnancy is that every food I eat tastes amazing, like the best thing I have eaten all day, so it's hard for me to pick a favorite right now.

10.) Still no weight gain? Really? Strange but true, especially with all I've been eating in the last few weeks. (Actually, apparently it's not that strange for women in my weight range. We don't need to gain much!) I still haven't really gained back the 20 lbs I took off in the first trimester, so at this point it's pretty unlikely I'll even get back to where I started. But Beanie is growing fine, and labor will probably be easier (ha! easier than what?) without the extra weight anyway. Right now I am up about 2 pounds from my lowest point in the pregnancy, but down 18 overall. So we'll see what happens. According to a child at Ashley's engagement cookout yesterday, I am indeed carrying enough weight. Because if you're five, it's apparently appropriate to ask someone Why are you so fat? Um, because I'm pregnant. Yeah, let's go with that. But why does that make you so fat? [sigh]

11.) Where will Beanie be born? Assuming she can hang on until after my trip this weekend, there should be no reason my delivery won't happen at WakeMed, which is just a few miles from our house, and is where Nathan was born as well.

12.) Will you be having a natural delivery? If you mean vaginal, then yes -- I hope so. If you mean drug-free, then no -- big fat no. I have to have two rounds of iv antibiotics anyway, since I am a carrier of Group B Strep (which could cause major problems for Beanie if we don't treat her during delivery). So that will be drug #1. As far as pain management -- my plan is to get to the hospital in enough time to ask for an epidural, and then be assertive enough to get my cervix checked when my body is telling me it's time. I failed on both of those counts with Nathan, in part thanks to my iv-Pitocin (given to kick-start labor since Nathan had had a bowel movement in utero and they need to get him out sooner than later), so the epidural didn't get there in time, and I was miserable. Maybe if I had intended a natural childbirth, it would have been better, but instead I just felt rushed through labor, and frustrated and ignored, and I will do better this time. Bring on the epidural, folks, especially if you're going to strap me to an iv and contain me to the bed anyway!

Any other questions? Post 'em in the comments, or email me! And I'll do another belly update in the next week or so, probably. Maybe. If you promise not to keep calling me fat, kid.