Remember a year ago when everyone was posting a day in their lives, and it was fun and interesting to read and see how we all spend our days, but I was too full of Feelings and Exhaustion that I didn't have the bandwidth to take pics all day, much less write about it?
Okay, so, I am doing it now. Because the Ali thing is ending in a few weeks, and I have gotten through a whole year of juggling four kids, and for no other reason than my own memories, I want to remember what it was like. (On an average day.) (Not a terrible day.) (The terrible days I would like to forget.)
This is a Tuesday a couple weeks ago:
6:49am - My alarm goes off. I am still sleeping (about half of the days, I'm not, the kids are up or whatever) so I hit snooze four times before actually putting my feet on the floor. Mark is already at work, which is mind-boggling. (Normally we all sleep right through his wakeup and shower and exit, but some mornings Charlotte hears him leave and pitches a fit if he doesn't wave to her in her window. A FIT. Today is not one of those days. *hallelujah hands*)
7:00am - The kids are eating breakfast; they have yogurt on the bottom shelf of the fridge, and waffles on the bottom shelf of the freezer, and instant oatmeal in their pantry shelf. They mostly fend for themselves, although Nathan helps some with Charlotte. I can hear them and they are fine, so I keep hitting snooze.
7:20am - I finally roll out of bed, let Bowden out, and get dressed and washed and brushed. I always brush my teeth first thing (I have a complex where if I am going to run out of time to fully get ready before Nick or Barbara walks in with Ali, I think it's worse to have morning breath than not have on proper pants or a bra), which I know is ridiculous because I will have coffee in mere minutes and who brushes their teeth right before coffee? Me, stupidly, but whatever.
7:35am - I make my (first) coffee and sort through my list for the day. I made today's list last night, scheduling from my "to do this week" list that I made Sunday night (which is gleaned from my "this month" or "next month" lists that are rolled over and re-sorted every week). My list has everything I will do all day, including drinking this very coffee, and my next. Plus additional things that will crop up and I will do, and
then write down and cross off.
Listen, because this is important: I am not sorry for even one bit of this list-begets-list process. I
get sh!t done, and this is how.
7:50am - Ali gets dropped off. My kids are finishing breakfast and I herd them into the bonus room and put the gate up so all four can play.
7:51am - Every day said playing begins with dumping all the foam blocks from their bag onto Ali's head and yelling "soft block shower!" Every. Day. The blocks will then remain scattered all over the floor for the whole rest of the day, barely played with, until the painful cleanup hour before bedtime. I scowl at the soft block shower. It is no longer cute to me.
7:55am - I sort all of the laundry in our room into piles. Tuesday is laundry day for our stuff (Monday is for the kids, Wednesday is for the towels and sheets and kitchen cloths/napkins).
7:57am - At some point Nathan wanders into my room and checks his school meal menu and the weather, so he knows what to wear. (It's NC in May. Wear shorts. You don't need to look it up, buddy.) He also tells me what today's weather will be like in Holden Beach, Montreat, and Northfield MN. Like every day, I don't have the heart to tell him I give none craps. I smile and say mmm hmm.
8:00am - I start the first load of laundry and then go pack lunches. Today it's just for Anneliese and Nathan (who has determined that whatever was on his school menu didn't sound great). Nathan makes the sandwiches and fills the water bottles and I do the rest. He sneaks pieces of candy into both lunch boxes and I pretend not to notice. I write notes to both kids and sneak them into both lunch boxes and he pretends not to notice.
8:10am - All three girls have been bickering in the bonus room. Someone has pulled someone else's hair, someone colored on someone else's page, Ali has a crayon in her mouth. Normal stuff. I ignore it til lunches are done, and then break it up and send my girls upstairs to get dressed, which for some reason they aren't yet.
8:20am - I do some really excellent lazy parenting from my desk chair, nagging the bigs to brush their teeth, asking Anneliese to find her brush, telling Charlotte that no, "brushing" her hair
with her hand doesn't count, and reminding people that no, I don't know where your shoes are, because you are in charge of your own crap. I text a little bit with Mark to say good morning and stuff, and he asks how I slept, which is always a Question, since I fail at sleep, frequently.
8:35am - I check the baby gate and lock the doors and leave Ali and Charlotte playing in the bonus room while Nathan and Anneliese get their lunch boxes/backpacks/cello and we walk to the bus stop at the end of our block. They make bets on whose ride will come first - Nathan's bus, or our friend who gives Anneliese a ride on Tuesdays and Thursdays since she is driving by anyway.
8:45 - 9:15am - I walk back to the house, switch the laundry, and do the louder things on my list (dishwasher, dishes) before I change Ali and make her a bottle and put her down for a nap. Some days this is my gym time, but today Ali's mood can't make it another hour, and I know I will need a block of time to get groceries later anyway, so the gym isn't happening (it's really hard to to both gym and groceries in one morning, with her nap).
9:30am - Ali is napping, and I go in between supervising Charlotte doing dot art painting on the porch, and working through my list. Today that means replying to a few emails, scheduling a playdate, rescheduling a dentist appointment, making a grocery list, hunting down a high-ish resolution image to download and mirror image and print onto iron transfer paper for a t-shirt for a costume for Anneliese next week, firming lunch plans with a friend with a new baby tomorrow, tying ribbons around chocolate bars for teacher appreciation, lots of glamorous trophy wife things, you know.
10:30am - Another Nathan calls with his daily good morning on the way to work, and we chat for what I always think is five minutes but is actually ten.
10:45am - I have my second coffee of the day, this time with toast. Also with twitter and instagram and whatever fun sales might be in my inbox.
11:00am - Ali is awake and chatting in the crib, so I switch the laundry again and make her a snack-to-go, and then get her up and throw both girls in the car.
11:15am - Grocery shopping. Easy enough, with just Ali and Charlotte. (Which is why I do it on Tuesdays.)
12:15pm - I come home and buckle Ali into the high chair and she eats lunch (today Nick and Barbara sent black beans, sweet potatoes, a sandwich, and some cheese; this is more food than Charlotte will eat in the whole day but Ali gobbles it
all), safely contained while I unload the groceries. Charlotte is also sitting at the table but instead of eating, she is crying, because obviously. (?? No idea.)
12:45pm - All the groceries are put away and the inside of my fridge looks like the dairy section at the store (we buy about thirty yogurts a week, and five or six gallons of milk), and I check all the packaging for box tops for Nathan's school (when they bring in enough, they can get extra library books!) and then Charlotte takes the rest to the recycling bin. She does it without complaining or whining HA HA HA NO sorry y'all I can't. Nope. She is a pill about it.
12:50pm* - Back in the car to go to church and get Anneliese. I fight for parking, send a few cussy texts about it, and then find a spot finally. I parallel park LIKE A BOSS.
(If I were a superhero, my power would be parallel parking. No, making good lists. No, parallel parking. I would save people from villains and crime in tight parking situations like preschool pickup, where no other hero dares attempt.)
*1:00pm - that 12:50 up there is a lie, it's always 1:00. Anneliese's class is always one that runs on the late side, and I just can't ever get out the door any sooner. It's 1, every time.
1:01pm - I leave the car and a/c running with the girls in it (ALERT THE AUTHORITIES) (no, don't, it's mere feet from the door, not even a parking lot to contend with since we park on the street, and it's legit safer to leave them there than unbuckle into traffic, so shut it), and grab Anneliese. She asks for skittles from the preschool office, which is an option every day, but I am mean and we only do it on Wednesdays. Which means I always have to answer a question about what day it is. Even though she knows full well what day it is. Answering questions that don't need to be answered! Many times on repeat! Parenting!
1:15pm - I bring a bag of books to the public library to return, and pick up a few new holds. It's slightly embarrassing how often we go do this. Like, several times a week. I also drive through for a fountain drink diet coke to have later with my lunch. Sometimes you just need a fountain drink diet coke and nothing else will do.
1:30pm - We are back home, I switch the laundry (it never ends), Anneliese unloads her lunch box pieces into the dishwasher (new parents: IT GETS BETTER), and the girls play outside. Ali is juuuust on the verge of walking, so she toddles a bit holding onto my fingers and watching the big girls swing and sing. (Swinging and singing go together at our house. It's hard to do the former without the latter.)
2:00pm - I give Ali another bottle, change another diaper, and the girls all go down for naps. Only Ali sleeps. Some days they all need naps, and some days I need both big kids to stay awake, and some days it's just too nice to chase them inside, but today they are all going upstairs. Charlotte and Anneliese can play in each other's rooms (they are joined by a jack & jill closet) as long as they stay upstairs and don't wake the baby.
2:05 - Charlotte wanders downstairs to poop, because she went pee before alone time but forgot to poop. This happens every day. I always remind her before she goes upstairs. It never works. I sigh.
2:15pm - I eat my favorite lunch on the back porch, this salad of perfection from trader joes (I am not even a kale person! kale is dumb! but this salad is everything -- sweet and spicy and crunchy and perfect. I love it more every time I have it. It almost tastes like candy to me, and yes you can smack me for saying that about kale, because I hate myself for it too, but it's true. BUY THIS SALAD), and my diet coke that has been waiting in the fridge. I listen to a podcast while I eat, and I say hi to Another Nathan on his way back to work after his own lunch break. He is in the middle of a day of annoying meetings, and he needs to cuss about them, and I am always glad to listen to some lunchtime cussing. I mean who isn't?
3:00pm - I have a quiet break sitting outside, trying not to be "productive" but just doing a few minutes of what I want to do. Which is important! Important enough that "read/rest" gets written on my to-do list every day. First, so I don't have to be feel bad for doing it. And second, as a reminder that time for me to zone out is as important as all the other things I do, for everyone else's well-being.
3:15pm - (I also write the first half of this blog post, and sew sprinkles and buttons onto a few cupcake tops for a felt food swap I am doing.)
3:45pm - Ali is awake so I bring all the girls to the bonus room and supervise some playtime while spending some time doing some Calendar Magic. Every Tuesday night this month we have three overlapping activities -- my choir rehearsal, Nathan's baseball games, and Mark's softball games. The time vary slightly each week, and I am trying to juggle which nights we can work around Mark's shift (he is done about 7) and which days he is off and how we can coordinate pickup/dropoff/bringing various children to our various events, and hopefully no one has to miss more than one event each. (I cuss as I do it, knowing full well that at least some of these arrangements will have to be RE-arranged as life actually unfolds. One game rained out means the next one shouldn't be missed even if that was the plan. A rained out game means choir is easy this week and therefore can be skipped next week. Etc etc. It's always something, and I hate planning it knowing stuff will change, but also, we have to plan something. SO.) Calendar magic = invisible work = parenting!
4:15pm - Nathan gets off the bus and crashes into the house in a way that shows me a glimpse of his teenager years. Door flung open, backpack falling off his shoulder, trudging over to where he can set his cello down and empty his lunch box. Everyone starts clamoring for a snack. YES! Have a snack! The answer is the same every day!
4:20pm - I put the last load of laundry into the dryer and silently congratulate myself with a mental party hat emoji. What gives you a better (albeit fleeting) illusion of control than a stack of finished laundry?
4:25pm - We have a busy evening ahead with very little downtime for the kids, so I concede to some playtime in the pool now while we can. The kids all change into their swimsuits and leave a trail of shorts and underwear and clothes all over the porch (EVERY. DAY.) and they jump in, while Ali sits in my lap and we watch from the side.
4:45pm - Nick arrives to pick up Ali. I give him the report on how she did, which today isn't much. She pooped x1000 (normal) and her bum is red (less normal) and apparently these are the things we talk about now. I want to go back in time and tell 12yo Nick to stop throwing snowballs at me just for kissing his brother, because I'm sticking around, and oh by the way I will care for your child one day and we will happily talk about her poops, so BE NICE, PUNK TWEEN NICK.
5:15pm - I reluctantly chase everyone out of the pool and into the house for dinner. We eat leftover pork tenderloin from a few nights ago, and easy mac, and believe me when I say the only reason it's even that fancy is because I am writing this post. Otherwise, we eat oatmeal and cheese slices on hectic nights. Or cereal. Just keeping it real.
5:50pm - I am ready for cleanup and bedtime but am I still writing this? Is our day still going?
6:00pm - Nathan changes into his baseball uniform and sits down to practice his cello, which becomes the backup music to my nagging frustrated voice trying to get the girls to clean up the bonus room and their rooms. "Are you cleaning?" "That doesn't sound like cleaning!" "I am going to do the dishes and when I come back, this room better be clean!" "Mommy is mad!" "How is this room not clean?"
6:30pm - The dishes are done, everything is clean, and I am trying to herd people to the car. Charlotte takes four tries to find her shoes, ends up in tears and needing help from literally everyone else to find them (they are in the middle of her bedroom floor), and then insists she doesn't need to pee because she went last year. Um. (She pees anyway BECAUSE I SAID SO.) Anneliese deliberates over just the right chapter book to bring along (she can't read) (she is trying to impress some older girls who are little league siblings too) (the whole thing is moot because she is not staying for the game) and Nathan is pissy because his baseball bag isn't where he left it, or it was left open, or some other trivial thing I don't care about AT ALL. Whoever has messed with his stuff is a much smaller transgression in my book than listening to him complain about it.
6:31pm - I hate 6:30pm. I don't even like it when it's the start of bedtime, and I really hate it when we are all walking out the door.
6:45pm - We drop Nathan off for his baseball game, leave him under the eye of a friend of ours, another dad on the team. When Mark gets off work he will go straight to the field and watch the game, and should only miss the first bit. He had considered taking Nathan with him to his own softball game after that, but it doesn't even start til 8:30, so he isn't going. Thank goodness. It's too much for one evening.
7:00pm - The girls and I go to choir. They bring Hattie and Sheepie and a box of crayons, and they sprawl on the floor of the choir room and color. Halfway through rehearsal they opt for a liturgical dance in the back of the room. A few minutes after that they get out a music stand and pretend to conduct. I tell myself everyone is charmed but I'm not really sure.
8:00pm - Choir isn't over, but the girls are
done. Anneliese is slumped on me in my row, and Charlotte is curled up in a ball on the chair next to me, where she had to spin in many circles like a puppy before she got comfy. We bail on the end of rehearsal.
8:10pm - Mark and Nathan get home at the same time as we do. Mark does bedtime with the girls while Nathan does homework and then leans on me and reads. He likes us to read by ourselves together. I sit and stare at the wall. Somehow an hour passes. I have no idea. Twitter? iMessage? Instagram? Seriously no idea. We send Nathan up to bed before he falls asleep downstairs and we have to carry him. (This happens at least half the nights, because... couch parenting.)
9:00pm - Mark and I chat and catch up on our days while he makes us some dinner. I have a taste for shrimp and grits which he doesn't really want but makes me anyway, because -- wait for it, this is important -- he is a
gem. Eating after 9pm is super normal for us. We watch two episodes of a show on Netflix and then I can't take any more noise or talking. My tv limit is very low these days.
10:00pm - I do the dishes and then escape to the guest house for some silence. I read a few chapters of Goblet of Fire (I am re-reading all the HP books this year, which is fun because although I love them, I've only read each of them once. It's been a decade. It's time.) I start my list for tomorrow, and I write the second half of this post.
10:45pm - Another Nathan calls after his gym time. Tuesdays are one of our nights for longer catchups; I tell him about our choir people he misses, and talk through my angst about employment ideas for the fall, and he's trying to wrap his brain around the final push with his choir for the program year, and tells me about some fun plans with his parents this weekend and stories of what he's up to with his new people up there. It's nice to make time to hear each other.
11:30pm - I take my bedtime shower by candlelight, which sounds way sexier than it is. Mostly it's just that it smells delightful (coffee!) and it adheres to my doctor-organized Sleep Plan of having dim lights after certain times, amongst a million other things that are supposed to ensure me good sleep but only get me there maybe half the time.
I read a few chapters, and then toss ans turn, and then think all the thoughts, and sometime after 1am (or 2 or 3, depending on how unlucky I am), I sleep until sometime before but not after 6:49am again.
A day in the life.
