Anneliese at Almost 8

We have reached the point in this funny moment in time known as "blogging" where instead of everyday tidbits and daily-slog-minutiae delight nuggets, I find myself only vignetting my babies into words a thin slice at a time. And that's harder than you'd think, or maybe exactly as hard as you'd think, because capturing any human into a slice of a moment in time is... well, hard.

And here we are, with tiny "new baby" turned big girl big sister "middlest baby" Anneliese as an almost-eight-year-old. When I try to wrap my brain around where we were eight years ago this week -- newly a stay-at-home-parent, very pregnant, worried about H1N1, curious about folks getting smartphones, wondering how to picture our only child as a big brother, ending what we then naively adorably thought was the hardest decade in America we had seen in ages haaaaaaomg -- it's almost hard to remember that. It seems like another life. It was another life.

And then there was Anneliese. And now, well, look at her go.

Last winter, she finally lost that janky tooth that busted up her face when she was two. It's weird how it feels like both Anneliese and I spent five years cussing that tooth and missing her baby smile (me), and hating the jank (her), and then when it finally came out, I was, like, profoundly sad. When you have legit feelings about teeth as the end of an era, that's when you know your mom math is some weird sh!t, yo. (Anneliese was uncomplicatedly thrilled to toss it to the tooth fairy and move on with her life, for the record. Gave none craps about the memory and trauma and face change. KIDS AMIRITE.)

Anneliese at almost eight is a bookworm, devouring chapter books and audiobooks faster than we can put them in her hands or ears, and always on the hunt for a new free little library. She has taken in some of my own children's favorites this year (Harry Potter, the Little House series, the Narnia books, Roald Dahl, Beverly Cleary) which has been super fun (for me). One of her current favorite things is for us to go on a walk together and listen to our audiobooks and hold hands. She won't outgrow this too soon, right? Right?? RIGHT?! (Someone tell me she won't. Lie to me if you must.)

She has also decided sometime in the last year that music is maybe her Thing. She started on violin in orchestra last winter, and also auditioned for a spot in a community choir in a neighboring suburb, and adores singing with them. She is the youngest one, and thinks that singing with big kids all the way up through high school is the best. She spends a fair amount of time upstairs in the closest between her room and Charlotte's, sounding out tunes on the keyboard and trying to match it to her violin, which is super sweet, and also whoa dang loud, and also no you may not start piano yet, my dear, you are already super booked up. (But yes, our band nerd hearts are proud.)

She loves babies and taking care of her baby cousins, and is convinced (and will tell anyone who will listen) that she possesses a talent called "baby magic" that means she can always soothe them, and, well, I mean, let's just say I will be a very sweet mom when her own kid has colic, because that's definitely happening, right? That's how the universe works, last time I checked.

Anneliese and Charlotte have been playing together better this year than ever before in their lives. The closet between their rooms is currently set up like a nursery for all their babies (and I do mean all! their! babies! SO MANY BABIES OMG) and it reminds me so much of Ashley and me at that age that it just squeezes my heart and is exactly what I was hoping their sisterhood would be like.

She and Nathan are still fast friends too, and they all three still pile into her room every Friday night for a sleepover. I'm so scared those days are numbered but I will cling to it and let them do it as many more weeks/months/years of their childhoods as they want.

Anneliese become a bit more shy and a bit more poised this year. She is polite and mostly quiet in a group, yet also social and fun with lots of friends and party invites and stories from school. When she's chatty, she's nonstop - but she's decidedly less chatty than Other People who live in this house.

She switched this fall from dance to gymnastics and that seems to be going well, although it's a new rhythm for our family not to have any tiny dancers at the moment. She also likes crafts and sewing, and (like her mommy!) loves notebooks and pens and is always trying a new pretty ("pretty") lettering.

She loves sunshine and hates cold weather. She considers herself an indoor cat, except for trampolining and her newly-learned skill of bike riding. She adores sleep. First one down every night, and the last one up every morning. And she would nap any day we'd let her.

She is obsessed with spaghetti, especially her daddy's. She loves coconut and almonds and somehow loves popping candy but not carbonated beverages, because, well, people are complicated I guess.

And yes, a streak of rainbow still follows her everywhere she goes.

We love you, baby Beanie. Happy almost 8!

Nathan at Almost 10

Well I never thought I would see the day, but this year -- ten years in -- is the year I finally had to ask myself a few times, trying to remember which was Nathan's due date. (The 22nd. It was the 22nd!)

It's also the year everything went completely bananas and I stopped even pretending to blog, but I have to leave this space here anyway, my own little corner of the internet, because I need a home for memories and milestones and that kind of thing, even if the day-to-day captures have moved to other online homes.

As this is posting, our family is floating northward on America's highways, en route to Wisconsin Dells, because a day of giant waterparks is what Nathan requested for his 10th birthday, and we do love a reason for a road trip. (And a waterpark.) (And a celebration.) It's funny how tween and preteen birthday requests have moved away from toys and Thomas and Friend Cars, and are now all about devices and bikes and projects and trips. COME BACK TO ME, FRIEND CARS. (Cars 3 is out this summer and I won't lie, I'm dying to see it just so I can cry some nostalgia tears remembering the baby and toddler years.)

So yeah, Nathan is about to turn ten. We've known him for a decade. We've been parents for a decade. I am so freaking full of Feelings my head has been spinning for weeks.

Nathan has had a really good year -- dare I say it was even better than when he was five? (#fiveforever!) He is kind and responsible and funny, and while he remains a true introvert, he is ever more out of his shell. He likes public speaking, and he is proud anytime he can be in a leader role.

He is doing pretty well in school, working hard enough to make decent grades, but not so hard he sacrifices precious Pokemon chatter time. He loves science and math, and loves reading history and biography books. It's taken me years to convince him that novels (or any fiction) are also a delight, but finally FINALLY he is very super crazy into Harry Potter, is partway through the 7th book, and talks about almost nothing else these days. In classic Nathan fashion, he spends hours in internet rabbit holes about fan theories and movie castings and behind the scenes info, and lost in Pottermore fandom, and he thinks it's very important that I tell you here that he's a proud Hufflepuff who thinks fairness, justice, loyalty, and inclusion are the most important things (this is actually delightfully accurate about him).

These days he says he'd like to be an architect when he grows up; he spends lots of his time building and designing all manner of things with his legos and sketching and any boxes or tubes or bottles or other crap he pulls from the recycling bin. (He might or might not have a tiny hoarding problem in his room.)

He also loves watching Master Chef, Jr, and has been harboring some serious cooking desires recently. He wants to try new foods and learn to make them, and we don't even know what happened to our little baby who only ever wanted to eat bagels, and now requests lunch dates so he can have some grilled salmon which we never really fix at home. He delights me in surprising quirky ways, and I love seeing him become more and more himself.

He has become surprisingly (to us! we didn't see it coming!) athletic in the last year, thriving at soccer, making a good effort at basketball, and swimming and running faster than many kids his age, despite his small size (he's still the tiniest kid in his grade). He had two bad scooter spills this year resulting in a few (minor) fractures and injuries in his wrist, elbow, knee and hip -- and spent most of his spring in a leg cast, wrist brace and sling. He was discouraged at the time, but has recovered with no problems and is back to normal now.

He's still playing his cello, and has buckled down and really worked hard at this year; we are officially impressed by what he can do. And! He can now match a pitch, singing! We also never thought we'd see that day. :) He loves choir at church, partly because he's suddenly a great singing leader, and partly because as one of the older kids, he has lots of chances for speaking parts and reading at the front of the church, which he loves.

He and Anneliese are still chummy with each other above all others, but are learning to branch out and be social with their own peer groups and also with Charlotte. They've had a few moments of pain together this year that were hard to watch, but also good to see them grow and learn.

Nathan is still the tiny adult in our family, classic oldest child: doing a funny dance between needing to be a baby with snuggles and back scratching and coddling -- and acting as grown up as possible, bossing his sisters and generally trying to manage everyone and everything around him (I seriously have NO IDEA WHERE HE GETS THIS *ahem*). He's helpful, sometimes to a fault, but we love about him that  he always takes initiative and looks to see what others might need or want. His toddlerhood excellence at empathy is manifesting in new and caring ways, and we are so proud.

Happy almost-ten to our wonderful, serious, funny, loving, bright baby boy. Watching you grow for a decade has been the greatest joy of our lives.

Responsibility. How Do I Teach This? No Really.

Okay so, question:

How do you teach a kid to care about something they... don't care about? That's to say, how do you make a kid be responsible?

Because here's the thing: if we make them be responsible for a thing, then, by definition, they are not responsible for the thing. Because we made them. Which is the opposite of them being responsible for it.

Y'all, we are in a Season with Nathan. He is so bright, and so compliant, and also his head is in the clouds right now. He's just careless, on almost all fronts. His teachers have made a big deal about them taking personal responsibility for homework, no hand holding, no reminders, and are working on teaching them how to use a study agenda. All of these thing make my little planny heart just sing. Yesssss teach them to do it. Yes! YES!

But.

He isn't doing it. He forgets his homework packets, then forgets his agenda, then forgets to turn in his homework packets, then forgets to get new ones, which days to take carpool home instead of the bus, then forgets his glasses, then rushes through a math test and fails it, then loses his homework folder (and agenda).

And when we ask about it and follow up and say (ad nauseum) YOU are responsible for getting it done, it is no one's job to give it to you or ask to make sure you got it, it is YOUR job to find out what you need AND to get it. YOUR JOB he is just... full of excuses. He asked but no one answered. He asked but someone said look at the board, but the info wasn't on the board.

I just. WHAT IS GOING ON.

I am going to pull my hair out. The words we are saying (not our job! your job!) are not sinking in, or if they are, they aren't enough to make him care.

How do I raise a kid to know that there is not going to be a personal invitation for him to do what he is supposed to be doing?

So in the early weeks of this, when we told him he needed to do all his homework for the week (do it and turn it in and get his new packet) in order to earn screen time for the weekend, he sneaked behind our backs when we had a sitter and played a computer game anyway.

And then lied about it.

Oh my god, there were tears.

And yes, we have worked through various consequences and rewards and such, trying to balance the notion that he has to earn privileges, with also avoiding him digging himself into such a behavior/reward deficit he can never climb out, and so just gives up.

He just... doesn't care. I am tired of caring more than he does. He is perfectly responsible and totally on it when it comes to stuff he cares about, but apparently right now homework isn't one of those things. He only cares when he feels in trouble. (Or, if he's reminded, he's perfectly happy to do it.) But I don't know how to move from that "on fire" moment of him wanting to smooth our displeasure, to him caring about it when no one is managing it for him, besides just... letting him crash and burn.

Which we did. He still does not care. (Failed a math test. Barely noticed.)

I feel super powerless about it, which I am. And I should be. It's his thing. But it's so important to me to convince him, somehow, of why he should care and feel responsible for things that are assigned to him. It's hugely important in life. And isn't this our job as his parents? And so, I feel like I am failing him right now.

My dad's advice on these things is always: just wait it out. Almost everything is a phase. Almost everything passes.

So I am trying to tell myself he is barely out of the first month of school, it's an adjustment, he will figure it out and begin to shoulder this stuff on his own, if I keep backing away and let him. Even if it means watching him stumble a few more times before he gets it.

How do I balance assuring him that I will always be here when he falls, with also being clear I'm not going to swoop in and prevent the fall from happening?

I am going to read this book everyone recommends, (which sure sounds like it espouses everything I think I believe about the kind of parenting I want to do), and cry some frustrated tear at both Nathan and myself.

Parenting: I'm always a little bit in over my head, yknow? *sigh*

Clemson, Brene, Sunshine Charlotte

When I was in Illinois, Mark took Nathan to Clemson for a football game, and he met up with his college roommate Jeff, and his kids, and they all watched the game together. I can't remember the last time I have gotten happier sweeter texts from Mark while I was gone. It turns out that thing we all did in college, where we dreamed of the day we would be back in the fun college places we loved, with our college friends, and our college friends' future hypothetical children? Yeah, men do that too. And it's just as sweet and happy.

I love seeing Marky share his special joys with our kids. (The girls will get their turn next.)

I went on another road trip, too, just a quick jaunt yesterday to Charlotte to meet up with my sister and see Brene Brown give a talk downtown. We knew she would be good, but we weren't expecting her to be so funny. She was great. She is brilliant and sassy and somehow makes both her brilliance and her sassiness super... accessible? Yes, accessible is the word I think I want. Everyone should go and read all of her books, immediately, stat, post haste, yes right now.

A bonus of our night (besides our super ability to find the most flattering light for selfies, OBVS) was that we stumbled into the most random of random Mexican places for a snack before the event (like, random as in, they looked a little surprised to have customers at all, much less white lady mom types) and anyway it ended up being freaking delicious, but on top of that, a group of older men (post-work types? grandpa types? we don't even know) bought us drinks, and tried to buy us more, and just... whaaaa?

That is the first time a stranger has ever bought me a drink in public. It was not what I was expecting. They also did not speak any English. SO. Random adventures for the win.

This has nothing to do with anything, but look: here is Charlotte and baby Claire at the bus stop. She got lots of waves that day.

Also, it's a good thing she is basically a ray of sunshine (at least here) (ha), because this picture was taken the last time the actual sun was out. It's been over a week of rain. COME BACK, SUN.

I don't even remember anymore what this post was intended to being about when I started writing it but! This... (?) is apparently what it's about now! Hi!

2014: Mono, Minnesota, Ali

2014, In Review!

What did you do in 2014 that you'd never done before?
- Got mono, at the age of 33, which is unheard of. 
- Wrangled four kids at once, on the reg.
- Read books on a kindle, on the reg.
- Drove across the country for three days with my best friend, which is a thing I will recommend anyone do. 
- Abandoned the car in the snow and walked with three kids to safety, which is a thing I do not recommend. 

Did you keep last year's resolutions, and will you make more for this year?
     I am fairly certain I never made them last year. This year, I would like to get a real job again, I think.

How did you spend New Year's Eve? 
     I juuuust blogged about NYE so I am changing the question. I just asked Anneliese what she would ask someone about their year and she said What's your favorite thing you ate? 
     (She would like you to know hers was "that spaghetti Daddy makes for me, and also when I had that piece of gum that one time.") I... don't know what mine is. I did have some amaaaahzing, like, close-your-eyes-and-moan-good roasted brussels sprouts with chestnuts and pork belly and apples and a mustard vinaigrette on New Year's Eve, so maybe that? (And, we're back to NYE after all. So.) 

What did you get really really excited about? 
     Our cruise! After a horrible mono-sick spring, and job stresses, and a million details nailed down for childcare and such, we got a grownups-only trip to the Bahamas. Cruises are easy and cheesy and delightful, for real.

What do you wish you'd done more of in 2014? 
     Sleeping. I remain a terrible sleeper. A sleep failure. Full stop.

What do you wish you'd done less of? 
     Losing my glasses. It made me cry more times per week than I should admit. Eeeiiii.

What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014? 
     A sun lamp for my desk. Also, more time to sit at my desk. And blog, and read blogs, and send emails, and have general me time. It's everyone's dream right? 

What was great this year when you weren't expecting it? 
     Our Great American BFF Road Trip, to move Nathan to Minnesota and say good-bye. It could have been stressy and bickery and exhausting; on some level I was ready for it to be that, yet glad to go and help anyway. But instead it was wonderful and delightful and fun and bonding. Like one of the best things we have ever done, not just this year but ever.

Who is the best new person you met? 
     Ali! Sweet baby Ali! Of course!

What song will always remind you of 2014? 
     Shake it Off and also Let it Go. Also, Anneliese's horribly (delightfully) misinterpreted lyrics to both of those. (Prayers gonna pray y'all.)

Where did most of your money go? 
     Like always - mortgage, taxes, school tuition, and this year more travel than in recent years.

What was the best thing you bought? 
     A new wedding ring. Slash engagement ring. Slash anniversary band. I left mine on our cruise ship and after a small fortune in ship-to-shore calls, and a police report, a report with the cruise line, phone calls to pawn shops in Port Canaveral and Nassau, and six months of crying, it never turned up. I felt (feel) awful even thinking about it. I know it's just a Thing but it's a special thing, from a hugely special moment in my life, and no other thing will ever be that ring, that re-set stone that was my great grandmother's, bonded to that band that Mark put on my hand on our wedding day. But. I sadly took the insurance money, and Mark and I found one that he loved and I loved. It feels a bit like a solitaire and a bit like an anniversary band and it's set in rose gold, and... I do love it. After months with no ring, I am glad to have this one. Especially with the kind words and wonderful promises from Mark that came attached to it, even now, eleven years after our wedding. It is special too. 

Whose behavior merited celebration? 
     My dad, who retired from teaching this year. He has worked in the corporate world, and the military, and has been an entrepreneur with his own small business, but I think of his many careers, teaching is what he loved best. His students loved him, and he was damn good at it. We are proud of him. And! He remains a stand-up Grandpa. 

     (Also, Anneliese deserves celebrating. She was my answer last year too, but she is just really in a delightful stage. Five forever!) (Ages three and seven are getting the side-eye from me today.)

Whose behavior appalled you? 
     Baby Ali on dairy. My word, child. So much screaming. (Ali without dairy = best niece evaaaar. But on dairy? Appalling. I can say that now because it's over, but. Yeah. Picture my wide eyes.)
     Also, people who use leaf blowers, for any reason, ever. Just no.

Who did you miss? 
     Another Nathan, so freaking much. Especially Tuesday nights.

What was your favorite show? 
     I finally got on board and watched both seasons of Orange is the New Black this year. Also, Mark and I loved Parenthood and watched it religiously until the end (*moment of silence for perfect Braverman series finale*). But besides that and The Mindy Project, I... don't watch very much tv anymore? I still love tv, in theory, I just, I think I like the quiet more. (Mark watches all kinds of things, increasingly with headphones plugged into the roku remote, because see again: quiet.) 

What was your favorite book? 
     I apparently only gave 5-star ratings to six books last year. Of those, I think my favorites were The One & Only Ivan (read that one with your kids! it's a good first chapter book!) and The Fault in Our Stars, because I am very mainstream and predictable, and also it was really dang good. 

What was your favorite new movie? 
     Frozen. (It wasn't new in 2014 but we didn't see it til the new year so it was new to us. And yes I unabashedly love it.)

How old were you on your birthday, and what did you do? 
     I was (am) 34, I went for a really fun and delicious Asian seafood dinner with Mark in Chapel Hill, and we shopped for that new wedding band. It was a lovely wonderful night after a hard season of heavy feelings, and I felt really special and close to him. It was a good birthday.

What was your biggest achievement in 2014? 
     Being the best moving boss ever? (WHAT. I WAS.) Also successfully turning Anneliese into Rainbow Brite, twenty years late. 

Your biggest failure? 
     I majorly let down the kids last summer, and myself, and our dreams for the school break. I just had no bandwidth for the fun bucket list items we had planned. I was sad as it happened, sad when it was over, and still sad now. This year will be better. Anneliese is starting kindergarten and I will start back to work at some point, and this summer is a summer for us. I feel fired-up protective of having some family fun.
     Also, that snow adventure thing. We should probably put that in the Fail for The Ages column too.

What countries/states did you visit? 
     The Bahamas, on our cruise. (Also Georgia and Florida, driving to the port.) Also we went to Virginia/Maryland/DC with the kids in October, and I hit several new-to-me states on our great American road trip: Indiana, Wisconsin, Minnesota (and West Virginia, Ohio and Illinois which were not new).

How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year? Have you showered today? Good for you! 
     Yes! And learned how to make my hair wavy! (It was apparently already wavy, I just didn't know.) Does that count as a fashion concept? If so, I could undo that strikethrough. 

What dates from 2013 will remain etched in your memory? 
- February 12, the snow adventure.
- March 7, when Mark accepted his new job.
- March 13, when Ali was born. 
- April 6, when we sang a beautiful Bach cantata that we worked super hard on, and then Charlotte fell down the stairs and I had to take her to get her face stitched up (when I was horribly fever sick with mono, and Mark was on the last shift of his old job, and Another Nathan was at an interview for a new job himself, and whoa that evening was a perfect storm, a microcosm of all of the angst of that season, April 6 you can GDIAF, except for the Bach thing). 
- April 28, when our cruise departed. 
- July 27, Another Nathan's last Sunday at our church. 
- August 4, the date of my one-way plane ticket back to Raleigh after a horribly sad goodbye.

What kept you sane? 
     Hmmm... iMessage? I don't know. Am I sane? I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer this question.

What valuable lesson did you learn this year? 
     And I am definitely not qualified to answer this one. I don't think I have have any good takeaways. Last year was mostly (not all! but a fair amount) sucky for me. Spring and summer were a haze of sickness and angst and newborn crying and a long goodbye. Fall was colored by a rough marriage season, and struggling to communicate with Charlotte and her sudden stuttering. There were so many hard things, and so many of them were things that I couldn't heal or fix, exactly, besides just riding them out. 
     Maybe if I learned a lesson, it's that *feeling better isn't linear, and sometimes you just have to let hard things be hard, until they pass. Which they usually do. And then it can be okay again.

Anyway. Onward and upward! Etc etc.

*Thanks Sarah. #kissyface

Seven Quick Takes: Mostly About ME

1.) Remember that doll we got Charlotte for Christmas, which she named Claire (her middle name) (so cute) (swoon etc)? Well, this is the part where I confess that the best part of having this doll around is that sometimes Charlotte needs help putting its PJs on and then I get to have to do it. You know. For Charlotte. *ahem*

(Hi I'm 34 and I still secretly like playing with dolls and I'm not even that sorry.)

2.) Mark and I got each other new back doors for Christmas, and no that's not a euphemism, they are actual back doors. (When you're a Bumgarner and you tell your family this is what you got for Christmas, it is a joke that never ends.) Anyway. They are installed now. And wonderful.

There is no longer an inches-wide gap of daylight and cold air coming through, and we no longer have to keep them locked just to keep them closed, and it's possible to enter and exit without rattling that whole side of the house. It's a huge win, is what I'm saying.

3.) We have been taking lots of walks on the greenway since it has been nice out, and Anneliese and Charlotte have new toys they want to ride a lot. They ride and chatter, and I listen to podcasts and holler occasionally so they don't get out of my sight, and it is very pleasant.

Living somewhere where you can take easy sunshine walks outside in January: RECOMMEND.

4.) Our church hosted an exhibit of some large prints from the St. John's Bible, which is a really gorgeous fascinating project -- an illuminated bible with gold-gilded illustrations and amazing calligraphy that took many years and a small forture and the queen's own calligrapher to make. The art is incredible. I volunteered to be a docent of sorts, and did some trainings with people, and some reading and guided meditations from it, and the whole event was very cool and lovely.

Next time I'm in Minnesota I'm driving up to St. John's Abbey and laying eyes on the real thing. Every time I look at these illuminations, I see something new. Really really fascinating to me. If you have access to a library that has these, even if you're not a Bible-y person, GO CHECK THEM OUT. They are amazing.

5.) Speaking of books and libraries, I think I have a new favorite book. That is... not a thing I say lightly. I think I have named two? maybe? three? two? books, ever, as my favorite. And this one is just astounding.

It's a beautiful story of an abandoned girl with a mess of a childhood, and what she is like as she enters adulthood and marriage and motherhood. It's about loss and hope and being known, and it is lovely and raw and oh, this book is just so beautiful.(It's the third in a trilogy; I liked but didn't love the others, but this one can stand alone as its own story.)

6.) Another Nathan came through town! ...Exactly five days after we said by to him in Minnesota after the New Year. Ha. Timing.

Anyway he was just here for a minute, passing through our town/airport on his way to an event at another of his former churches, but it was long enough to open Christmas presents with the kids and have a pre-birthday beer with Mark and me, and run some errands and pick out new glasses and have a coffee date. And now we have said bye to him for real, for many more months, which would be sad except that the saturation over the last month has been too great to be sad.

7.) I spent the night in a hotel room, alone, for no good reason, other than alone time is a precious ever-fleeting commodity for me, and we always joke that I should do it, and so I finally did. And it was glorious.

I took a winter walk to a dinner place, and I had a long fancy shower with fancy hair potions, I read for hours and hours, both books and some internetting, I drank wine and slept in a giant bed and did not set an alarm, and I went for a fancy coffee with a fancy view the next morning. I didn't worry about what time anything needed to happen, or what order I wanted to do things. It was freeing and fantastic. Some People were worried I would be bored or lonely or sad, but nope, it was uncomplicatedly fantastic. Intentionally indulgent and relaxing, and with the kind support and blessing, encouragement even, of my wonderful Marky who is legitimately glad for me to do something for myself, which totally makes me feel loved. Night in a hotel alone: ALSO RECOMMEND. (Next time I shall also book a spa treatment.)

Hippie Bullsh!t Coffee and Other Quick Takes

1.) I bought some hippie bullsh!t coffee at Fresh Market a few weeks ago. I got sucked in because I had a taste for cold caramel coffee in a bottle, and the packaging is so pretty! Good font choice! Matte labels! And on the side there is a funny blurb written by someone admitting to be a blurber! It was all very enchanting, except it said things about how it doesn't have any of those "nasty chemicals" in it like other coffee (YES IT ACTUALLY SAID THAT), and I could not have rolled my eyes harder. Y'all! Once again, brief lesson: everything has chemicals. Everything is made of chemicals. Nothing but chemicals actually. Yes. EVERYTHING. Full stop.

But despite my eye rolling, and knowing it would not actually make me "focus" in any "natural" way, I bought it and drank it and it was delicious. Excellent use of one dollar next time you're at Fresh Market. Hippie bullsh!t coffee: RECOMMEND.

(Children who photobomb coffee pics for blog post: not included.)

2.) Mark took Charlotte to a park a few weeks ago, and in case you were wondering if she only likes to take selfies with me? Nope. Girl loves a good pic with Daddy too. I mean, who wouldn't? He's a pretty awesome human.

3.) We started a thing last month with a friend and preschool classmate of Anneliese's, whose big sister gets dropped off at school before his mom takes him to church on a route that goes right past our bus stop, at the exact time we are outside waiting on the bus. Which means Nathan and I did a lot of waving at them as they drove by, until we realized hey! Anneliese could just... get in their car, and save me a trip of loading up the babies and taking her to school.

So that's the story of why there are now two kids at the bus stop with me on Tuesdays and Thursdays (those are the days only Anneliese goes). They both love it. It's fun.

4.) When I was in Minnesota I got the worst chapped lips of my life, I think. I was using lip balm, just not enough I guess, or not often enough. One night when I was home I needed some and didn't have any in bed, so I asked Mark for his out of his night stand, and the next morning, I kid you not -- MY LIPS WERE HEALED. Like, almost completely better. Overnight. A second night and they were as good as new.

I can't believe the small fortune I have spent in the last decade on fancy lip balms, when REGULAR OLD CHAP STICK is basically a miracle balm. Y'all! Buy this! I am now officially a chap stick evangelist. Recommend.

5.) My new identity as a Kindle user is coming along. I like it. It is handy. It was especially handy for traveling. And for reading in the evenings in bed when my doctor-designed Sleep Plan (capital S, capital P, it is a PLAN) dictates that I should not have lights on. And e-ink is safe reading in the evening hours of dimness. Anyway! Guess who else likes the Kindle?

Our library website has a great page where you can sort the children's e-reader books they have, by topic and grade level. So that means Nathan can see a berjillion book choices, and two clicks sends them to our house in minutes. For free! LIVING IN THE FUTURE IS SO GREAT Y'ALL. In related news, I think someone might be getting his own (very basic) Kindle for Christmas, since someone's mommy is tired of sharing.

6.) Speaking of Nathan and reading, he picked out this book from the dollar spot at Target a few weeks ago:

Yep, that's Moby Dick. Most boring book in the history of books and English. (I love Melville, but I freaking hate that book.) Anyway all he saw was chapter book! one dollar! sperm whale on the cover! and he had to have it. It's a thing I would never say no to, of course, so he bought it and read it and then sent Another Nathan this adorable email about it and oh my lands.

This is why we let kids read adaptations of boring books we hate: because it's surprising that a whale would eat someone's leg, and he's guessing the whale must have been a girl. WELL.

7.) Still speaking of reading, I read this last week and found it just delightful. A lady who loved the Little House books visits all the sites in real life, and finds some disillusioning and some lovely.

This isn't the best LHOTP travel guide you can find, nor the best biographical info, but it doesn't intend to be either of those things - just a funny thoughtful lady traveling to Little House sites and writing about it, from her perspective. Really fun book.

8.) One last book thing! Another Nathan and I, unbeknownst to one other, both checked this book out of our respective libraries last week. A book about friends and influence and I mean... haaaaa okay universe. Good one.

9.) We let the kids try for a three-way sleepover last week. Usually this is just a Nathan/Anneliese thing, every Friday night, but Charlotte always wants to join, and so we let her try. We had done it once before and it was fine, but this one was doomed.

This photo was taken pre-doom. It was super cute until it wasn't.

10.) It got very cold this week, and the girls look very cute in their cold weather clothes. That is all.

Seven, No Ten Quick Takes

1.) Anneliese picked out a new winter hat with some Amazon birthday money. Raise your hand if you never could have guessed she'd pick one like this:

2.) I took Nathan on a date to the symphony last weekend. It was a super crappy day and a really lovely break from the super crappy day. He was cellodorable, admiring all the instruments.

3.) I read the Astronaut Wives Club this weekend and it's far from brilliant writing -- mostly a series of vignettes about the first astronaut families in the sixties -- but I didn't need it to be a great novel, I was totally captivated anyway. I am now craving anything about the space race, I kinda want to watch Apollo 13 tonight, and I can't stop wikipedia-ing all the folks for a dose of Where Are They Now. Also I want to go back to the space center at Cape Canaveral (Mark and I visited in 2010 and it was great, but I think it would be even more great for me this week). 

So yeah, I'm hoping they make this into a tv show as has been promised (then delayed, but we'll see). The stories might actually tell better as a series instead of a book.

4.) Anneliese and Ali and I went for a fall walk a few days ago, just as the leaves were starting to change. You would not believe all the things a five-year-old has to tell her infant cousin about leaves changing, but it's a lot.

5.) We closed the pool last week and I miss it already.

6.) Nathan just read the "junior novel" version of the Lego movie and he seems to have internalized its message differently in print than on the screen. He now considers himself a Master Builder and keeps building things and telling us how he VISUALIZED them and that's how he designed them and oh man it cracks us up. (In a good way! He is sweet and smart. I'd hire him for all my aeronautical engineering needs, and no I'm not kidding.)

PS I got a haircut and highlights, as per my pre-birthday usual.

7.) After the slowest loudest construction project in the history of history, and many early-morning and late-night trips in my PJs to fuss at workers causing a ruckus outside of approved times ("I know you're just doing your job, but WE LIVE HERE" = me, sick of hearing myself talk), the house across the street is finally done! It was featured in a Parade of Homes thing, so we went to check it out, and it was nice in the way that fancy houses are always nice, but not our taste at all: some odd mashup of clean/modern and also totally dowdy. It's hard to explain. But anyway, if you want to live directly across the street, the house has a million dollar view!

Yes really.

8.) A few weekends ago when I was in Charlotte, I stopped at Ikea for some new cubes/shelving, which are lovely. (I got a teal cube system! TEAL! For my bathroom! Which I am now 99% sure won't fit but whatever, it's TEAL.) While I was there I also got Anneliese a new duvet, which I have been wanting for her since we rearranged all the bedroom furniture in our house A YEAR AGO, but the one I coveted for years before that has been discontinued, and anyway I never could find one that I liked AND she liked, and then this happened at Ikea, and now she has a very Anneliese bed.

Here is a thing I absolutely did not need but absolutely wanted, and I didn't buy it, but I'm pretty sure I might. It's a neon yellow stool! I mean, I need that, right? Someone talk me into it. Where should I put it?

9.) I have a new-ish phone case, and I love it. This is called a Loopy Case. It is just a case, with a loop in the back, which you can adjust to fit whatever finger you want. It is so simple and SO GENIUS.

It helps me hold my phone much steadier (I was a two-hand typer on my bigger android, and the smaller iphone is still an adjustment - slightly too small for two hands, but slightly too big for one -- and this makes it totally doable). It also means I never drop my phone on my face in bed anymore YES THAT IS A REAL THING. It also means I can knuckle it on the back of my hand and also carry a kid/purse/car seat, which keeps me from sticking my phone in my pocket instead, and that's always a good thing.

PS with the loop on the back you can stand it up for such purposes as alarm clocking. Or facetime dates. Or everyone trying to watch a video at the same time.

Anyway I love it, and I get asked about it all the time, so I am blogging about it. (My first one cracked, and I emailed them and they sent a new one -- with the loop holes now slightly offset, in their updated version, which I think will prevent that stress fracture from happening again -- and anyway with the recplacement they sent me an EXTRA. It's black, and I have a pink and a purple and a gray loop for it, so if you have a 5c and you want it, tell me and it's yours.)

10.) This post barely mentions Charlotte, but she's still the best Booler ever, so here, enjoy a delightful picture Mark took of her swinging out back.

Yes, she is wearing a sundress and some shorts and a tutu. Why, what do YOU wear to go swinging?

Glowing Balloons, and Also Barbara Brown Taylor

Because our month hasn't been travel/busy enough (!) I took the kids to Charlotte last weekend, because a writer I like was speaking at a friend's church, and I think I have decided I am tired of telling myself these types of events aren't "for me" or something, and that I, a random housewife, am just as deserving/capable/interested/worthy of going to conferences and events as Real Professionals of a Certain Type, and ANYWAY, I bought a ticket to the conference, and I went, and it was awesome.

(It's Barbara Brown Taylor, by the way. She's an episcopal priest and now a college professor; a group I was in at Furman did a study of one of her books, ten eleven twelve (?) years ago, and I have liked her and been reading her stuff ever since.)

The whole event was smart and challenging and thoughtful, in all the right ways. I got to hang out with my high school friend Laura (who is the one who told me this was happening at her church) and I randomly ran into my Montreat friend Katelyn (who was lovely to hang out with and chat a lot with) and I am SO SO glad I went.

Her talks were about divine mystery, and endarkening as opposed to enlightening, and intentionally embracing the things we don't know and that we don't understand. And about how the language around darkness and light somehow implies that God is in one but not the other, and how to sort that out in ways that don't reduce people's dark seasons to an absence of the divine, which, no duh, is not true at all, because actually the dark might teach us things about God and ourselves that the light never could.

Anyway. It was a lot more than that, and a lot more nuanced than that, and it was fascinating.

And! I am doing it again! Next month I get to go see the fantastic Nadia Bolz-Weber in Minnesota (Another Nathan and I were in the middle of deciding what weekend I should come up, and then when it turned out NBW had an event in Minneapolis, suddenly picking a date to visit got super easy). Look! These events are for me too! I am fully embracing that!

So while I was being church-thinky at the conference last weekend, my kids were roaming around town with my Dad (who has a broken arm, because he fell off his bike, because he wins at retirement?) and Cathy (who is recovering from her last cancer surgery) and yes, they are awesome for it.

Dad took my kids, along with Ashley and John and their kids, to a big balloon festival which was apparently a long chaotic adventure of a day, including odd food planning and lots of preschool runs to porta-potties, but it ended with a yay! hot air balloons! at twilight!

(pic from John)

Liam and Charlotte are so great together. Cousin besties.

Also Anneliese was the only grandkid brave enough to strap in and jump on this big trampoline thing.

We fancy her the brave and outgoing one, but this pic that my dad took a few seconds before her jump might betray how she was really feeling about it. HA.

I keep looking at it. It keeps cracking me up.

So yeah, here's what we learned this weekend:
1.) My dad is a saint, and also dumb, and also not easily overwhelmed.
2.) Stop talking about the dark like it's always a bad/Godless thing.
3.) Hot air balloons are really freaking cool when they glow.

Yesterday Today Tomorrow, Aquarium Version - With Bonus Existential Overthinking and Also (Possible) Crab Sex

Yesterday - Ali went with Nick and Barbara down to Lake Wateree, and Mark was off work, so we had a rare free Friday as a family! Nathan's last free weekday of summer! We decided to make the most of it and drive to the beach, not for the beach itself (it was hot as the blazes) but to see the aquarium. Just because. So we did, and it was fun.

It looks like they're looking at a painting but I swear
this is a normal fish tank with real fish inside.

Praying this doesn't result in more turtle nightmares.

This is a megaladon jaw. Did you know a megaladon is a shark? Not a dinosaur?
(I did not know this.) (Three guesses who *did* know this.)
(Yes he is wearing a shirt full of sea creatures to the aquarium.)

Nathan told me these horseshoe crabs are mating. I don't think he knows what
mating means, nor do I know if it's even true, but if it is, then hey! horseshoe crab
sex! on my blog! you're welcome! (Hi there spammers.)

We went to a talk about sharks. There were lots of facts.
Some of us loved the talk about shark facts more than others.

Our outing ended with a big ol' gift store tantrum (from Anneliese! not a store-tantrumer! I do not know what happened! I mean I do, but I was still surprised) and me putting my foot down and dragging her from the complex sobbing (yes I was That Mom), feeling frustrated and hurt that we can't just do something NICE together without some kid wanting MORE instead of just being THANKFUL, but true to Anneliese, she was calm and happy and non-pouty within relatively few minutes, despite having not gotten her way, and all was well for the drive home. There was even iced coffee. (For me. Not Anneliese. In case that wasn't clear.)

Today - I napped, basically all morning, because I have been sleeping terribly all week and I can't seem to turn it around. Normally I am pretty emphatically not a napper -- both because my body rarely even wants it, and when I do it makes me feel worse anyway -- but this past week I took a nap at 8:30 almost every morning when Ali went down. My nights have been anxious and exhausting, and I have just needed more sleep, come morning. Although, I guess if you're taking a nap at 8:30 in the morning, it is less a nap and more... going back to bed. Whatever. I needed it, and lots of My Little Pony was consumed in my living room, and I did it again today, and I am not ashamed.

I also finished another delightful book (lest it sound like I am only reading awesome things these days, please know I abandoned like four books in a row earlier this month because I hated them all).

I have no idea how a book about liberal arts majors playing baseball (there is a lot of baseball in this book) could have sucked me in so fast and kept me rapt for the very few days it took me to read it, but it did. It is full of complicated friendships, and codependency, but the kind that feels good even in its unhealthiness. And one totally inappropriate sexual relationship (legal! just inappropriate, age-wise) so if that kind of thing offends you, don't read it. (I thought it was sexy. For what that's worth.) Anyway, five stars. I even cared about the sports part! RECOMMEND.

Other than that, we just sat around the pool today (the kids are swimming better and better! jumping into the deep end without fear and swimming to the sides, like people who like swimming are wont to do!) then went and ate Mexican for dinner. We joked that we should re-enact this horrible family photo because if anything, we looked even worse than that today.

Also, the big kids decided they are now old enough to sit on their own side of a booth. Like, not next to Mark or me. They were very whispery conspiratorial about it. And then they sat and managed their own food which is actually totally normal and I don't know why we haven't been doing this for a while, but there you go. NEW RESTAURANT BOOTH ERA. (It is possible I make note of too many Eras.)

Tomorrow - Frankly, I am dreading church in the morning. I'm feeling very disillusioned about things over there right now, which has many layers, most of them far more than I would ever say on the internet (when it comes to church leadership, it gets political doesn't it?) but most of it boils down to low energy (our pastor being gone for a month, and Another Nathan being gone - those things make a big difference, we are learning), and all of us slogging through the end of the summer, and my choir (which is normally my favorite thing about church) has just been sort of... down? off? - which makes me miss Nathan very acutely. It's funny how when he was in the process of leaving, people at church kept asking after our family and how we were doing, etc etc, which was nice on some level but also struck me as weird -- knowing that I would miss him at church, of course, but that he's so much more to us than a choir director, sometimes the church part felt like an afterthought in our friendship, like any close friend's job might become just a peripheral thing about them -- that missing him as our friend would surely be so much worse. But NOPE. Turns out he is still very, very present as my friend (he is still in my phone! we talk and text all the time! we know about each other's days! it is very fine and normal actually, or getting there), and very very absent at church.

And anyway so all of those things, plus the looming of a new school year and ending of a hard season, are adding up into some miniature spiritual/existential crisis about whyyyyy I am feet-draggy about church, and basically I have spent a lot of time trying to remind myself 1- I love God, 2- it is okay to miss my friend as my friend and as a faith leader, 3- I do not need to sleep through church tomorrow, right? Right? I just feel super-checked out, and super overthinky about why, and also so freaking tired. (See again: terrible week of sleep = exhaustion = overthinking = self-doubt = existential crisis = hide from the world. But I won't.)

Anyway! So that I don't end on a churchy blah note, here is a cute picture of Charlotte! She climbed in the pews and waited patiently for Mark to clean up and sort things a few weeks ago when he was the deacon in charge, and people kept checking on her and making sure she was okay sitting there alone, but she just wanted to sit her bum in that pew, and smile, and go church, as she says.

So, some things are still churchy lovely as always.

And even if I am dreading tomorrow, and with it, dreading (longing for?) (no, dreading) the end of summer and the start of a new year, I am so glad that we had some easy family fun this weekend. We terribly needed that time together to be out and be summery, and I feel happy about it.

And now I shall go seek out my next hopefully-delightful book, and pray for good sleeping.