(Half) A Year in the Life

So. I missed this here little ol' blog, and I came over a few days ago to dust it off and get caught up, and there were gross horrible rapey comments waiting for moderation, and it momentarily upended how I felt about the internet, because amongst all the loveliness and wonderful human connection, there is apparently horrible barf-inducing assholery as well, and even though that's a thing you think you know, you don't know it til it's aimed at your own children.

So, I did what any normal person would do and I locked this sh!t down. Hello from this newly guard-railed space which can't be googled and no longer has links posted in any public profile, where people only find me if I share on a platform that's now private, because all my platforms are now private. Which means people only find me if I share myself where they can.

Hi! You found me! I shared myself to you!

Y'all, it hasn't been our best season/s in these parts. The honest but not-gritty recap:

NOVEMBER

I turned 35, Another Nathan flew in on my birthday and Mark and I had a lovely visit with him, and I felt very loved and very middle-aged.

Mark and I took a grownups-only trip to Mexico, and my dad came and stayed in our house for a week and managed everything (everything!) at home, because he is amazing. Mexico was also amazing. Mark was amazing. It was such a happy trip.

Mark turned 35. We had cake and a date and took this family picture. Yay family!

I started a new job.

!!!!!!!

I mentioned this in my year-end recap post; it's the same job I did before, but with a different company. The whole going-back-to-work thing was really fraught and stressful, half because I'm suddenly 35 and don't know what to do with my life, and half because Mark's work is so batsh!t insane that it's really difficult to piece any kind of work schedule together and balance it with also picking up the slack at home, plus all the normal stuff I do (I was already busy). And, so, things kind of came to a head around this time about the balance in our marriage and house and life, and there were ugly feelings and patterns surrounding some of that and, well, yeah.

Speaking of ugly, this laptop bag I got from my company is kind of the worst, yes?

(I got a new one to tide me over until I find The Bag, don't worry.) (Suggestions welcome, if you love your laptop bag, by the way.)

DECEMBER

It was not our best holiday season. It's kind of a blur now. But here, look at a sweet Christmas picture of the babies.

JANUARY

We got a new car! I forced Mark (forced!) to feel his feelings about his old Mazda, the first car we ever bought together, and we sold it and are now back to being an Accord family. It'll be mine when the van dies, and whatever Big Car we get to replace it will be mostly Mark's to drive around daily. SEDAN ME, YO.

Since we didn't get our traditional New Year's Eve all together, I flew to Minnesota for Another Nathan's birthday. It was -36 with the wind chill (yes that says NEGATIVE THIRTY SIX OH EM GEE) when I went to church that Sunday morning. I secretly felt like a badass and I secretly love the snow, but only because it's in a place with plows and such. Was a delightful visit and left feeling... spirit-filled. Friendship-filled. Etc.

We lost power for a night in an ice storm and the kids and I camped out by the (gas) fireplace and read books out loud. It was surprisingly sweet, in a Laura Ingalls (cussy) kind of way.

Also, Charlotte helped me with work, and it sort of delighted me, on the days it didn't exhaust me.

I'M RIGHT ON TOP OF THAT, ROSE!

And that is legit the most exciting thing to report in all of January.

FEBRUARY

Anneliese burned her hand badly on the stove while helping me make sloppy joes.

She also read Amelia Bedelia and sent funny texts about it.

And wore this great outfit.

Hmmm I'm grasping at straws. February mostly sucked.

MARCH

I went to Pawley's Island to see my friend Amy for the weekend, and play with her kids at the beach. It was cold so we didn't put the kids in swimsuits, but they got in anyway, and who couldn't have seen that coming?

Our grocery store stopped selling my favorite bread that I love for toast, so I started making my own. Because I love toast. I eat it every day. With coffee. Toast is a meal for me. Anyway.

I played with recipes until I figured out how to do it exactly how I like it, and it's a barely-changed version of Arwen's "the bread" and hey it turns out I'm not scared of yeast anymore, and it makes me feel all Laura Ingalls (the good way) to do this for myself every week.

Bowden's kidneys started to lose functioning. Our sweet girl is getting old.

March wasn't really my favorite either.

APRIL

Things started to feel a little less sucky in these parts, for a moment.

We got a new nephew! Meet baby Charlie! This is Ali's little brother. Anneliese of course always loves a new baby to hold.

We celebrated Easter, but sadly not with a beach drive, since Bumgarner Beach Week is moved to August this year. The kids looked cute though.

We went camping as a family. It was pretty, the kids loved it, it was fine. No one sleeps well when camping, right? But campfire food is always delicious.

I went to Las Vegas for the Blathering, and it turns out Vegas is nothing like I was picturing, in all the best ways. It was clean and fun and lively and beautiful, and I tell you what, people in Vegas know how to commit to a theme. It's just all very... well done.

This is my favorite picture with Sarah that we have ever taken.
Every time I look at it I feel happy.
I legit keep it in an album on my phone of things to look at on crappy days.
I love her.

And it was wonderful to be with amazing ladies who are good for my heart and make me laugh til I cry, and love me even in hard seasons, and do not hate my life even when I hate it, and to hug Another Nathan on the way home via MSP.

Basically re-entry sucked, after a happy laughy weekend away from real life. Suuuuuucked. On many levels, but not the least of which was Charlotte getting terribly sick with a chest infection (shocker) (asthma baby) and that bled into a vom bug, and it was generally  miserable.

MAY

Anneliese got a grade-level responsibility award at school, and we about burst with pride.

She also sang an adorable solo in her chorus concert at school.

Everything's coming up Anneliese!

We all (well, except Charlotte, but she was there, listening) sang/played together in a music festival at church. A seriously lovely family moment after lots of hard months.

Nathan got big kid teeth! And had several teeth pulled in preparation for braces, sometime... sometime. Who knows exactly when. Braces! They are coming!

He also played delightfully in his orchestra concert and is vying for a spot in the advanced group next fall. (Is maybe a long shot? I can't tell.)

My work got completely insane and busy, and I needed to do it full time, which we had expected for spring, but we didn't know what that would feel like on the home front til I was doing it. Working full time from home with only a few hours of childcare a day is NO JOKE, especially when May is too much anyway. Just... too much. People of the world: May is too much. Please spread the schedule around a bit. COME ON.

I laughed-to-keep-from-crying by singing into my phone headset like Britney, basically every day. (I cried too, because obviously.) (Mark's job continued/continues to be also insane.) (SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE.)

Charlotte finished her last day of preschool, ever. Here she is starting 2's in 2013, and finishing 4's this spring.

Lest you think she is always this beautiful, you should know she smiled like this on the first attempt:

I don't even know.

At some point in May, Mark went to Seattle for a week and kicked off a long several weeks/months of us like ships passing in the night. Trips backing up to each other, and work schedules, and yeah.

We needed the space but then also missed each other, which is a really nice feeling when you think about it.

JUNE

I started the month with a Memorial Day road trip with Another Nathan, from Minnesota down to North Carolina, kinda reversed from what we did when we moved him up there two summers ago. Turns out, we're still great at road trips.

Then I spent two weeks and change at Montreat, where he had asked me to be the office manager for the first several weeks of youth conference, which he DIRECTED this year, and did amazingly well.

Montreat was wonderful and spirit-filling as always. My heart has a whole blog post stirring about just this, but not today.

Oh and also I broke my foot there. *cringe face emoji*

After the conference, we had a few days of all of us at home for a moment, and Another Nathan and Mr David visiting. and we celebrated our 13th anniversary and the success of the youth conference and David's new book (!!) and all was well.

Mark went on ASP and I missed him, again. Re-entry sucked, again.

At some point we went on a date and I ordered this drink with a flower in it and we took this picture together and it makes me smile to look at it, so I am posting it here.

Marriage is hard work but sometimes you look cute, so.

2015: We Walked on a Frozen Lake So Nothing Else Even Matters

{I wrote this on New Year's Eve, but I was in a funk and never posted it, so it's getting posted months later and I'm not that sorry. Happy New Year! ish? I guess?}

What did you do in 2015 that you'd never done before?
     We walked on a frozen lake! We were terrified and amazed! (Yes really, just ask Tinytown Sarah and her husband.)

So basically this was on January 2nd and we might as well have called 2015 a wrap after that, but I did some other new things too, like:
- drove halfway across the country with all three children, and back by myself with them!
- listened to audiobooks 
- got progressive lenses for my old lady eyes
- spent the night in a hotel room for no reason other than alone time (was glorious)

How did you spend New Year's Eve? 
     Sadly we did not get together with David and Another Nathan as we have for many years, since Clemson finally made it to the national championship game (go Tigers?) and Mark and I have had a long understanding that when/if this moment came, he would go. And he's going! To Phoenix, next week.
     Which means this weekend, we are home in Raleigh. We took the kids downtown to one of his company's office buildings for a 7pm "family hour" ringing in of the new year with fireworks. Now I'm fiddling on the computer and maybe we will watch a movie or new years rockin dicken clarken whatever at midnight. Woo!

Did you keep last year's resolutions, and will you make more for this year?
     Last year, I said I wanted to get a real job this year. And I did! I took a copywriting job earlier this fall and I hated it and resigned within six weeks, and then an opportunity came up to do similar work to what I did before the girls were born (a sales job, travel, in the non-profit sector, negotiating contracts with airlines and vendors for people doing mission trips, disaster relief, service work, humanitarian aid, etc). So far it's going okay but it's very new. 
     This year's resolution is but one: find the balance at home. With our jobs and our marriage and parenting and and and, we have been in upheavel/transition since Mark started his new job almost two years ago, and it will break us if we can't find the balance. FIND THE BALANCE. 

How old were you on your birthday, and what did you do? 
     I turned 35, and it was a fun lovely day. We went to worship as a family, and Nathan did his first communion that morning. Then Mark and I had a nice dinner date while Another Nathan was in the air flying down to see me after his own worky Sunday, and made me my most favorite birthday peanut butter pie. I ended the day feeling happy and so loved. Mark and I had a great visit with him that week.

Where did you travel? 
     We took a HUGE family road trip across eleven states and 17 days, and it was wonderful. Mark and I also went to Mexico for a fantastic kid-free getaway. And I went to Seattle in April and got lovedrunk on friend time! Oh, and a girls weekend for the Hoopla in Illinois in September, and a road trip to see my brother near Savannah that month too!

What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015? 
     Balance and heart-shaped feelings on the home front. A fancy new master bath. Jeans that I love. A pretty laptop bag. Sleep, all the sleep.

What would you like less of in 2016? 
     Upheaval at home. 

What dates from 2015 will remain etched in your memory? 
     March 20th, when my newest baby nephew Everett was born. July 30th, when we embarked on our road trip. November 30th, when I started back to work.

Whose behavior merited celebration? 
     At the top of the list, my dad, who becomes a better and better human with each passing year. He came to our house and lived here for a week so we could go to Mexico! He did all the things! ALL THE THINGS. 

I don't know very many (read: any) other grandpas who would single-dad three kids in two different schools for a week, alone. He is wonderful for that and a million other things, but that one is fresh on my mind tonight.

Whose behavior appalled you? 
     (Hmmm, a blog-palatable answer? *side eye*) People who push a pumpkin agenda in August.

Who did you miss? 
     My Grandpa Bumgarner, who died in June. His big 90th birthday celebration we had planned that month didn't get to happen. Suddenly I miss all my grandparents. I officially have no grandparents, and it's weird and sad. Another generation, passing on. 

Who is the best new person you met? 
     Everett! Look how sweet he is! 

What was your favorite show? 
     Frasier. Oh hush, you're not too good for Frasier. Knowing I was going to Seattle in April, I watched the whole series starting last winter. I don't watch a ton of TV so it took me most of the year, but I love it and I'm not sorry. Mark and I also cried like babies at the Parenthood finale, and we still like watching The Mindy Project together. Also! Kimmy Schmidt is pretty darn funny.

What was your favorite book this year? 
     I read A Little Life, by Hanya Yanagihara, and it was amazing. Really troubling content, told deeply and beautifully. This is a lifetime best book for me. I also really loved Lila by Marilynne Robinson, and I'll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson. 

What was your favorite movie? 
     Okay this will sound dumb, but Trainwreck. It's funny, it's sassy, it's sweet, and it has THE MOST satisfying end to a raunchy romcom I can ever remember seeing. It's an easy fun movie. Watch it. You're not too good for Trainwreck either. I promise.

What was your biggest achievement in 2015? 
     Oh lawd I don't know if I ever achieve anything that's worth anything, but I did spend some time this year sewing felt into delightful objects, like these cupcakes and this penguin. Totally counts as an achievement, by my math.

Your biggest failure? 
     I remain sleep broken, although there is a new kind of med on the market that works by dampening the awake part of your brain (instead of activating the drowsy part) (yes, those are two different things) and so maybe I'm improving little by little? But mostly I just can't ever sleep well and it suuuuucks to be a sleep failure. Coffee me.

Where did most of your money go? 
     Medical bills, mortgage, taxes, school tuition, Starbucks, plane tickets.

What was the best thing you bought? 
     Plane tickets, to see friends and have getaways in various places around the country. Getting away and outside of my real life and the routine is kind of a pain for planning, but is absolutely worth the effort and expense. It's so much easier to come back to real life if you've had a mental break to fill up on rest and friendship (or romance)!
     Also a new computer! Our broken B key finally found its inner channel to Satan himself, and wouldn't stop typing, so it was like bbbbBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbBBBBBBB and you couldn't even, like, reboot it or turn off the keyboard before it was accidentally overwhelming the laptop with BBBBbbbbbbBBBBB commands. It was terrible. Of all the things to crash a computer! Anyway we have a new one and I can type just one B now. See? b
     Also I bought this airplane bag. You need a fun airplane bag. Trust.

What political issue stirred you the most? 
     Marriage equality. It finally happened. What relief and joy! I cried real tears.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year? 
     I have no fashion concept but this year I did dye part of the underside of my hair teal, and I freaking love it. It's subtle when my hair is down, and fun when it's up (most of the time) and it just makes me happy. 

What was great this year when you weren't expecting it? 
     Giving the kids an allowance. I thought this would be a pain but was a necessary Learning Thing, but it turns out it's adorable to let them shop for things themselves when they have a finite limit of what they can get (and therefore what they ask me for), and it's kind of the best.

What did you get really really excited about? 
     Seattle! Winter was long and tedious and icy, with all four kids (including Ali) and I so needed that break in April. I read all the guidebooks and counted down the days, and it was just a wonderful time away with friends.

What song will always remind you of 2015? 
     Shut Up and Dance. Remember when someone made this amazing compilation video of cuts of famous movie dance scenes? That sold me, and I didn't mind hearing it on the radio all summer after that, including a new energizer at Montreat involving moon boots (and a choral version under a sermon that delighted me!) - it's a fun song in any format.  

What kept you sane? 
     Sunshine breaks, group texting, phone dates, coffee, kiddie snuggles, getaways, medication, therapy, and hahahahaha okay I'm not sane y'all. But lets pretend all these things mostly worked, kinda, maybe.

What valuable lesson did you learn this year? 
     I have none smart thoughtful takeaways about this year or life right now. I just don't, We did learn, though, that New Year's Eve without our favorite NYE buddies makes us sadder than we thought and let's not do that again if we can help it.

(Charlotte's biggest achievement of 2015 is her angry eyebrows. Girl's mad face is ON POINT. Happy New Year, etc.)

17 Days, 11 States, 1 Giant Road Trip

Well! Two Four months later and I have finally finished adding pics to the (now backdated) road trip posts from our lovely trip this summer. It was WONDERFUL.

Links here!

Days 1-2: North Carolina: my Grandpa's house, Tweetsie Railroad

Days 3-4: St. Louis: Cardinals game, religious art, a riverboat ride, and did you know the arch is made of metal??? My mind was blown.

Days 4-5: Rural Illinois, including a prairie park (yes that's a thing), and then Iowa, all the corn, Field of Dreams, oh and also we slept in a caboose. And broke into a zoo.

Days 5-6: Wisconsin Dells, yes it's a real place, yes for real, I know it sounds fake but it's real. Very waterpark. Many kitch. Much delightful.

Days 6-11: MinneEFFINGsota, Take Four: the one where I post pics of tractors and grain bins on my blog. And also Northfield, Another Nathan, popcorn and beer, St. Olaf, waterfalls, adults on swings, and Charlotte Booler's fourth birthday! Oh and saying goodbye to Marky. Sad face.

Days 12-17: Southbound! Including me drinking a beer on Hillary's Cincinnati porch swing, and the kids riding boats at Lake Wateree, with surprise appearances by my dad and also Emily! AND THEN WE MADE IT HOME.