(Half) A Year in the Life

So. I missed this here little ol' blog, and I came over a few days ago to dust it off and get caught up, and there were gross horrible rapey comments waiting for moderation, and it momentarily upended how I felt about the internet, because amongst all the loveliness and wonderful human connection, there is apparently horrible barf-inducing assholery as well, and even though that's a thing you think you know, you don't know it til it's aimed at your own children.

So, I did what any normal person would do and I locked this sh!t down. Hello from this newly guard-railed space which can't be googled and no longer has links posted in any public profile, where people only find me if I share on a platform that's now private, because all my platforms are now private. Which means people only find me if I share myself where they can.

Hi! You found me! I shared myself to you!

Y'all, it hasn't been our best season/s in these parts. The honest but not-gritty recap:

NOVEMBER

I turned 35, Another Nathan flew in on my birthday and Mark and I had a lovely visit with him, and I felt very loved and very middle-aged.

Mark and I took a grownups-only trip to Mexico, and my dad came and stayed in our house for a week and managed everything (everything!) at home, because he is amazing. Mexico was also amazing. Mark was amazing. It was such a happy trip.

Mark turned 35. We had cake and a date and took this family picture. Yay family!

I started a new job.

!!!!!!!

I mentioned this in my year-end recap post; it's the same job I did before, but with a different company. The whole going-back-to-work thing was really fraught and stressful, half because I'm suddenly 35 and don't know what to do with my life, and half because Mark's work is so batsh!t insane that it's really difficult to piece any kind of work schedule together and balance it with also picking up the slack at home, plus all the normal stuff I do (I was already busy). And, so, things kind of came to a head around this time about the balance in our marriage and house and life, and there were ugly feelings and patterns surrounding some of that and, well, yeah.

Speaking of ugly, this laptop bag I got from my company is kind of the worst, yes?

(I got a new one to tide me over until I find The Bag, don't worry.) (Suggestions welcome, if you love your laptop bag, by the way.)

DECEMBER

It was not our best holiday season. It's kind of a blur now. But here, look at a sweet Christmas picture of the babies.

JANUARY

We got a new car! I forced Mark (forced!) to feel his feelings about his old Mazda, the first car we ever bought together, and we sold it and are now back to being an Accord family. It'll be mine when the van dies, and whatever Big Car we get to replace it will be mostly Mark's to drive around daily. SEDAN ME, YO.

Since we didn't get our traditional New Year's Eve all together, I flew to Minnesota for Another Nathan's birthday. It was -36 with the wind chill (yes that says NEGATIVE THIRTY SIX OH EM GEE) when I went to church that Sunday morning. I secretly felt like a badass and I secretly love the snow, but only because it's in a place with plows and such. Was a delightful visit and left feeling... spirit-filled. Friendship-filled. Etc.

We lost power for a night in an ice storm and the kids and I camped out by the (gas) fireplace and read books out loud. It was surprisingly sweet, in a Laura Ingalls (cussy) kind of way.

Also, Charlotte helped me with work, and it sort of delighted me, on the days it didn't exhaust me.

I'M RIGHT ON TOP OF THAT, ROSE!

And that is legit the most exciting thing to report in all of January.

FEBRUARY

Anneliese burned her hand badly on the stove while helping me make sloppy joes.

She also read Amelia Bedelia and sent funny texts about it.

And wore this great outfit.

Hmmm I'm grasping at straws. February mostly sucked.

MARCH

I went to Pawley's Island to see my friend Amy for the weekend, and play with her kids at the beach. It was cold so we didn't put the kids in swimsuits, but they got in anyway, and who couldn't have seen that coming?

Our grocery store stopped selling my favorite bread that I love for toast, so I started making my own. Because I love toast. I eat it every day. With coffee. Toast is a meal for me. Anyway.

I played with recipes until I figured out how to do it exactly how I like it, and it's a barely-changed version of Arwen's "the bread" and hey it turns out I'm not scared of yeast anymore, and it makes me feel all Laura Ingalls (the good way) to do this for myself every week.

Bowden's kidneys started to lose functioning. Our sweet girl is getting old.

March wasn't really my favorite either.

APRIL

Things started to feel a little less sucky in these parts, for a moment.

We got a new nephew! Meet baby Charlie! This is Ali's little brother. Anneliese of course always loves a new baby to hold.

We celebrated Easter, but sadly not with a beach drive, since Bumgarner Beach Week is moved to August this year. The kids looked cute though.

We went camping as a family. It was pretty, the kids loved it, it was fine. No one sleeps well when camping, right? But campfire food is always delicious.

I went to Las Vegas for the Blathering, and it turns out Vegas is nothing like I was picturing, in all the best ways. It was clean and fun and lively and beautiful, and I tell you what, people in Vegas know how to commit to a theme. It's just all very... well done.

This is my favorite picture with Sarah that we have ever taken.
Every time I look at it I feel happy.
I legit keep it in an album on my phone of things to look at on crappy days.
I love her.

And it was wonderful to be with amazing ladies who are good for my heart and make me laugh til I cry, and love me even in hard seasons, and do not hate my life even when I hate it, and to hug Another Nathan on the way home via MSP.

Basically re-entry sucked, after a happy laughy weekend away from real life. Suuuuuucked. On many levels, but not the least of which was Charlotte getting terribly sick with a chest infection (shocker) (asthma baby) and that bled into a vom bug, and it was generally  miserable.

MAY

Anneliese got a grade-level responsibility award at school, and we about burst with pride.

She also sang an adorable solo in her chorus concert at school.

Everything's coming up Anneliese!

We all (well, except Charlotte, but she was there, listening) sang/played together in a music festival at church. A seriously lovely family moment after lots of hard months.

Nathan got big kid teeth! And had several teeth pulled in preparation for braces, sometime... sometime. Who knows exactly when. Braces! They are coming!

He also played delightfully in his orchestra concert and is vying for a spot in the advanced group next fall. (Is maybe a long shot? I can't tell.)

My work got completely insane and busy, and I needed to do it full time, which we had expected for spring, but we didn't know what that would feel like on the home front til I was doing it. Working full time from home with only a few hours of childcare a day is NO JOKE, especially when May is too much anyway. Just... too much. People of the world: May is too much. Please spread the schedule around a bit. COME ON.

I laughed-to-keep-from-crying by singing into my phone headset like Britney, basically every day. (I cried too, because obviously.) (Mark's job continued/continues to be also insane.) (SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE.)

Charlotte finished her last day of preschool, ever. Here she is starting 2's in 2013, and finishing 4's this spring.

Lest you think she is always this beautiful, you should know she smiled like this on the first attempt:

I don't even know.

At some point in May, Mark went to Seattle for a week and kicked off a long several weeks/months of us like ships passing in the night. Trips backing up to each other, and work schedules, and yeah.

We needed the space but then also missed each other, which is a really nice feeling when you think about it.

JUNE

I started the month with a Memorial Day road trip with Another Nathan, from Minnesota down to North Carolina, kinda reversed from what we did when we moved him up there two summers ago. Turns out, we're still great at road trips.

Then I spent two weeks and change at Montreat, where he had asked me to be the office manager for the first several weeks of youth conference, which he DIRECTED this year, and did amazingly well.

Montreat was wonderful and spirit-filling as always. My heart has a whole blog post stirring about just this, but not today.

Oh and also I broke my foot there. *cringe face emoji*

After the conference, we had a few days of all of us at home for a moment, and Another Nathan and Mr David visiting. and we celebrated our 13th anniversary and the success of the youth conference and David's new book (!!) and all was well.

Mark went on ASP and I missed him, again. Re-entry sucked, again.

At some point we went on a date and I ordered this drink with a flower in it and we took this picture together and it makes me smile to look at it, so I am posting it here.

Marriage is hard work but sometimes you look cute, so.

Montreat 2015

I heard someone say last week that one of the great things about Montreat is that every year youth conference is different, a brand new experience; yet somehow it also feels just the same as always, so familiar, and known. It's the most true sentence I've heard in a while.

This year was just lovely for me up there. It's the third year in a row I have gone, so that familiar thing is totally real for me now. Just driving into the gate and climbing up the million steps to the top floor of the inn, or hiking down the path by the lake to go to church or my small group, it all makes me feel warm and homey and happy.

This was Anneliese's first year to go be a clubbie, and she did just great. It amazes me how quickly she makes friends and finds delight in new people. She loved her club kids and her counselors and swimming and singing new songs and her group even got to go do the most! fun! activity! ever! which was... walking to a field by the main entrance road, and waving to people driving in. They made it very official and called them the Montreat Wavers (listed on their official schedule) and I almost fell over laughing but she delighted in it, so, okay.

(Isn't that exactly the kind of thing this child would delight in? I mean.)

The first few days really pushed her limits on exhaustion and tears and so much walking, but she adjusted and by the end of the week she was an old pro, save the miserable window between her nap (when I was in my daily afternoon meeting of small group leaders) and our dinner (scooting into the dining room in the last opening minutes, so to maximize her rest time), when she was hella crabby. But! Other than that! Easy! Great first week of Montreat!

I think I have decided that Montreat is really good for the kids. I mean, not that that's a novel idea; it hit me the first year with just Nathan how good it was for him to be a bit out of his element and try new things and new foods and new people. But this year I felt it in an even bigger different way. Both Nathan and Anneliese can have so much freedom there, freedom that our normal life doesn't afford. With Nathan, I can just set a time/place to meet, and let him go off on his own, and trust that he will be there. He knows which roads are too busy to cross, he knows which people will help him, staff nametags, etc, not to mention the whole place is crawling with teenagers who are high on being Good Kids and tend to flock towards him as some kind of mascot. (You should have seen the teenagers lined up to play cornhole against him in the barn one night.)

And when we go to a playground or the dining room or sit down outside or wherever, both of them can just... run free. Into the woods, not in my line of sight, whatever. I know this doesn't sound novel to those of us who grew up in the 80s (or who live in small towns), but this is... not like our urban Raleigh life. It just isn't. It will come, in time, but we aren't there yet at home. Montreat is a really good place for them (and me) to get used to some kiddie freedom, and they loved it. They walk around and enjoy it like they belong. Which, of course, they do.

Anyway, the whole point of the conference isn't the kids, but the youth, and getting to be a small group leader, and bonding with the other adults who are there to do the same. And this year was as great for that as always.

Another Nathan (who roomed with Nathan in an adjoining room again this year) was there as a shadow (he's running this whole conference for two weeks next year!) and it was the most chill I have ever seen him at Montreat. Like a vacation! He showed up several times at the ends of my sessions, with coffees in hand. He met Nathan at meeting points. He pedaled Anneliese (and all of us) on a sparkly paddleboat.

We all went for a barbecue dinner. We had a lovely week together. (And a lovely few days in Raleigh before that.) It was a super friendship bonding time for us, in a special place. Remembering last year on the edge of the cliff of his move, and all the work and stress and angst about that, it just felt so nice and easy this year. 

And my small group was incredible. We had one hard day full of hard confessions and some things that needed Adult Intervention, but they were well-poised to support each other in it, since they had bonded so quickly at the beginning of the week. They are smart and thoughtful people, these teenagers. And I know I say it every year, but anyone who feels cyncial about kids this age has not watched them stand in a room and look each other in the eye and pray to God to give thanks for other people in that room, specifically by name, people who they only met mere days ago. It's amazing.

So yeah, it was a wonderful week again. It's always hard to leave. After we took Another Nathan to the airport, we came back to load up our own stuff and the kids wanted one last Huckleberry ice cream, and Anneliese spent many weeks' worth of allowance on a neon green sweatshirt blanket that says Montreat on it, so we drove away both happy and sad.

See you next year, Montreaters.

Yay September

It's September! I love September. It is still warm, hot even, but not opressively so. Feels like fall is coming but the chill itself isn't here yet. Kids are back to school and full of energy and smiles. Facebook is a dream of first-day photos, and very little arguing or stress. A routine is coming back. The whole lovely fall is still ahead of us, to look forward to. I like that.

I'm not sure what else I have to say about that besides... yay September?

So here, look at some pictures instead.

Nathan and I went to Starbucks with our library books and it was lovely. Often I am a chatterbox, and he can be one too, but sometimes when I want to be with someone, but also be quiet, he is just the best.

(Mark also gets millions of points in this department.)

Anneliese and Charlotte snuggled on the couch for a bit. This is rare. So I took a picture.

Also Charlotte and I took some selfies, because we just do that a lot.

Note the "I just stopped sucking my thumb for this pic" thumbs up that is the clear mark of a Goettsch child.

Aaaaaand here is a sperm whale wearing a onesie, because emu says I don't know how to blog without mentioning a sperm whale, so why not prove her right?

Also, I feel very sure no one reading this (THAT'S RIGHT I SAID NO ONE) is has ever seen a sperm whale wearing a onesie. So... you're all welcome. (Nathan also says you're welcome.)

Also heeeeeeeeey my sweet Montreat friend Liz was here last night. We went to dinner which was meh and got lost in an office building parking deck because I thought I knew I shortcut (spoiler alert! I didn't) but the drinks were good and the company was great, and here is part of our little dinner group and besides my adorable Marky, mostly I just want to say isn't Liz SO PRETTY?

I mean she is a wonderful human too, of course, but seriously so! pretty! She's my favorite thing about Utah. (I have never been to Utah but I can still say this with certainty.) Even the MoTab choir is only a very distant second. Yes, I get to call it the MoTab choir I HAVE A PRETTY FRIEND WHO LIVES THERE SO I CAN USURP THEIR COOL NICKNAMES. (Our other friend in that pic is Amy. She is pretty fantastic too.)

That's all I've got for today. Happy September.