2015: We Walked on a Frozen Lake So Nothing Else Even Matters

{I wrote this on New Year's Eve, but I was in a funk and never posted it, so it's getting posted months later and I'm not that sorry. Happy New Year! ish? I guess?}

What did you do in 2015 that you'd never done before?
     We walked on a frozen lake! We were terrified and amazed! (Yes really, just ask Tinytown Sarah and her husband.)

So basically this was on January 2nd and we might as well have called 2015 a wrap after that, but I did some other new things too, like:
- drove halfway across the country with all three children, and back by myself with them!
- listened to audiobooks 
- got progressive lenses for my old lady eyes
- spent the night in a hotel room for no reason other than alone time (was glorious)

How did you spend New Year's Eve? 
     Sadly we did not get together with David and Another Nathan as we have for many years, since Clemson finally made it to the national championship game (go Tigers?) and Mark and I have had a long understanding that when/if this moment came, he would go. And he's going! To Phoenix, next week.
     Which means this weekend, we are home in Raleigh. We took the kids downtown to one of his company's office buildings for a 7pm "family hour" ringing in of the new year with fireworks. Now I'm fiddling on the computer and maybe we will watch a movie or new years rockin dicken clarken whatever at midnight. Woo!

Did you keep last year's resolutions, and will you make more for this year?
     Last year, I said I wanted to get a real job this year. And I did! I took a copywriting job earlier this fall and I hated it and resigned within six weeks, and then an opportunity came up to do similar work to what I did before the girls were born (a sales job, travel, in the non-profit sector, negotiating contracts with airlines and vendors for people doing mission trips, disaster relief, service work, humanitarian aid, etc). So far it's going okay but it's very new. 
     This year's resolution is but one: find the balance at home. With our jobs and our marriage and parenting and and and, we have been in upheavel/transition since Mark started his new job almost two years ago, and it will break us if we can't find the balance. FIND THE BALANCE. 

How old were you on your birthday, and what did you do? 
     I turned 35, and it was a fun lovely day. We went to worship as a family, and Nathan did his first communion that morning. Then Mark and I had a nice dinner date while Another Nathan was in the air flying down to see me after his own worky Sunday, and made me my most favorite birthday peanut butter pie. I ended the day feeling happy and so loved. Mark and I had a great visit with him that week.

Where did you travel? 
     We took a HUGE family road trip across eleven states and 17 days, and it was wonderful. Mark and I also went to Mexico for a fantastic kid-free getaway. And I went to Seattle in April and got lovedrunk on friend time! Oh, and a girls weekend for the Hoopla in Illinois in September, and a road trip to see my brother near Savannah that month too!

What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015? 
     Balance and heart-shaped feelings on the home front. A fancy new master bath. Jeans that I love. A pretty laptop bag. Sleep, all the sleep.

What would you like less of in 2016? 
     Upheaval at home. 

What dates from 2015 will remain etched in your memory? 
     March 20th, when my newest baby nephew Everett was born. July 30th, when we embarked on our road trip. November 30th, when I started back to work.

Whose behavior merited celebration? 
     At the top of the list, my dad, who becomes a better and better human with each passing year. He came to our house and lived here for a week so we could go to Mexico! He did all the things! ALL THE THINGS. 

I don't know very many (read: any) other grandpas who would single-dad three kids in two different schools for a week, alone. He is wonderful for that and a million other things, but that one is fresh on my mind tonight.

Whose behavior appalled you? 
     (Hmmm, a blog-palatable answer? *side eye*) People who push a pumpkin agenda in August.

Who did you miss? 
     My Grandpa Bumgarner, who died in June. His big 90th birthday celebration we had planned that month didn't get to happen. Suddenly I miss all my grandparents. I officially have no grandparents, and it's weird and sad. Another generation, passing on. 

Who is the best new person you met? 
     Everett! Look how sweet he is! 

What was your favorite show? 
     Frasier. Oh hush, you're not too good for Frasier. Knowing I was going to Seattle in April, I watched the whole series starting last winter. I don't watch a ton of TV so it took me most of the year, but I love it and I'm not sorry. Mark and I also cried like babies at the Parenthood finale, and we still like watching The Mindy Project together. Also! Kimmy Schmidt is pretty darn funny.

What was your favorite book this year? 
     I read A Little Life, by Hanya Yanagihara, and it was amazing. Really troubling content, told deeply and beautifully. This is a lifetime best book for me. I also really loved Lila by Marilynne Robinson, and I'll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson. 

What was your favorite movie? 
     Okay this will sound dumb, but Trainwreck. It's funny, it's sassy, it's sweet, and it has THE MOST satisfying end to a raunchy romcom I can ever remember seeing. It's an easy fun movie. Watch it. You're not too good for Trainwreck either. I promise.

What was your biggest achievement in 2015? 
     Oh lawd I don't know if I ever achieve anything that's worth anything, but I did spend some time this year sewing felt into delightful objects, like these cupcakes and this penguin. Totally counts as an achievement, by my math.

Your biggest failure? 
     I remain sleep broken, although there is a new kind of med on the market that works by dampening the awake part of your brain (instead of activating the drowsy part) (yes, those are two different things) and so maybe I'm improving little by little? But mostly I just can't ever sleep well and it suuuuucks to be a sleep failure. Coffee me.

Where did most of your money go? 
     Medical bills, mortgage, taxes, school tuition, Starbucks, plane tickets.

What was the best thing you bought? 
     Plane tickets, to see friends and have getaways in various places around the country. Getting away and outside of my real life and the routine is kind of a pain for planning, but is absolutely worth the effort and expense. It's so much easier to come back to real life if you've had a mental break to fill up on rest and friendship (or romance)!
     Also a new computer! Our broken B key finally found its inner channel to Satan himself, and wouldn't stop typing, so it was like bbbbBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbBBBBBBB and you couldn't even, like, reboot it or turn off the keyboard before it was accidentally overwhelming the laptop with BBBBbbbbbbBBBBB commands. It was terrible. Of all the things to crash a computer! Anyway we have a new one and I can type just one B now. See? b
     Also I bought this airplane bag. You need a fun airplane bag. Trust.

What political issue stirred you the most? 
     Marriage equality. It finally happened. What relief and joy! I cried real tears.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year? 
     I have no fashion concept but this year I did dye part of the underside of my hair teal, and I freaking love it. It's subtle when my hair is down, and fun when it's up (most of the time) and it just makes me happy. 

What was great this year when you weren't expecting it? 
     Giving the kids an allowance. I thought this would be a pain but was a necessary Learning Thing, but it turns out it's adorable to let them shop for things themselves when they have a finite limit of what they can get (and therefore what they ask me for), and it's kind of the best.

What did you get really really excited about? 
     Seattle! Winter was long and tedious and icy, with all four kids (including Ali) and I so needed that break in April. I read all the guidebooks and counted down the days, and it was just a wonderful time away with friends.

What song will always remind you of 2015? 
     Shut Up and Dance. Remember when someone made this amazing compilation video of cuts of famous movie dance scenes? That sold me, and I didn't mind hearing it on the radio all summer after that, including a new energizer at Montreat involving moon boots (and a choral version under a sermon that delighted me!) - it's a fun song in any format.  

What kept you sane? 
     Sunshine breaks, group texting, phone dates, coffee, kiddie snuggles, getaways, medication, therapy, and hahahahaha okay I'm not sane y'all. But lets pretend all these things mostly worked, kinda, maybe.

What valuable lesson did you learn this year? 
     I have none smart thoughtful takeaways about this year or life right now. I just don't, We did learn, though, that New Year's Eve without our favorite NYE buddies makes us sadder than we thought and let's not do that again if we can help it.

(Charlotte's biggest achievement of 2015 is her angry eyebrows. Girl's mad face is ON POINT. Happy New Year, etc.)

Why I Can't Blog

You know how sometimes there's this big chunk of bullsh!t in your life that isn't bloggable (or in my case, several not-major-but-still-unbloggable-bullsh!ts) and because you can't blog about that, but it's IN your life, and it COLORS your life, you can't seem to blog about anything ELSE in your life either?

Nothing major happened. Swearsies.

I just have ongoing Stuff (annoyances, not even real stressors) (but that still aren't fit for public consumption) (although YOU, yes you, I will email you anything you want to know, I love a good vent or rant) and being too venty on the internet seems rude, but not mentioning it seems dishonest, and I used to do a great job (to me) (if I say so myself) (brushes shoulders) of treading that line just fine, and balancing it well, and I'm not sure I'm good at it anymore.

Anyway, lest this sound like the blog version of vague-booking (it's not! NOTHING BAD HAPPENED, I'm just crazy busy* and easily annoyed, apparently), I will stop. And just say hi.

I just wrote a (fun) ranty email and it made me miss blogging. So, hi.

I am getting caught up. It will be bland, because.

Three months is the longest I've gone without blogging. I have so many things started and half-written but waiting on pictures or complete sentences or lots of deleting of profanity (or deletion altogether). But maybe I can get back to normal.

Oh and also I had some teal dyed into my hair, because a Lady of a Certain Age needs to have more fun in her ponytail, amiright? Here, a picture:

(*If you look at my Goodreads list you will see I'm obviously not that busy. But please no comments about how it "must be nice" to have so much time to read because just no.)

I am Over the Cell Phone Shaming

Okay apparently I have more crabbies to get out. This one has been brewing for a while.

So suddenly (well, gradually) everywhere in my life, there are signs prohibiting cell phone use in x or y or z situations. My OB's office has them in the waiting room. So does our pediatrician's office. Actually almost every medical provider I can think of. Also, waiting in line to vote. Restaurants where one might procure takeout, or feel like eating a quiet lunch alone.

And the new director of the girls' preschool requested in her back-to-school letter (yes, months ago, yes I am still annoyed) that parents refrain from cell phone use while we drop off and pick up our kids. Her reason? Not because it slows down pickup/lines (which I could allllmost understand), but because our little ones are excited about their days! And want us to listen to them!

Ummmm y'all, did I just get parenting shamed about my phone? Not cool.

Of course it's nothing new, the whole "dear mom on her iphone at the playground" open letter trope is done and re-done and done again. Phone shaming isn't news. I think I'm just officially... over it.

Look, I get to determine which ways and times are good for ME and MY kid to communicate. MOST people are not ignoring their kids at school pickup to text or tweet (any more than if they are having a real human conversation with a fellow parent or a teacher or flirting it up with the cute dad in the hallway), but if they were, and their kids learn that sometimes mommy is talking to someone else and it'll be their turn in a sec (because OTHER PEOPLE ALSO EXIST), then... that is okay.

Also, if you're the kind of parent who is legitimately ignoring your kid at a time that is legitimately harmful or hurtful to said kid, then that is not a PHONE issue, that is a HUMAN issue, and people blaming the phone is a cop-out.

ALSO. If I am waiting on YOU, I get to use my waiting time how I want. This goes for waiting in preschool pickup times and medical offices alike. I'm sure it would be more CONVENIENT for the doctor if, when he came into the room, I was standing with bated breath, questions at the tip of my tongue, children patiently silently nearby. But, dear physicians of America, YOUR convenience and time is not more important than mine* (it isn't! I promise! it really isn't!) and if I have to wait twenty minutes for my appointment, I will treat that time as MINE. If, after my loooong wait for you, you have to hold on four seconds for me to put my phone away when you come in, YOU WILL SURVIVE.

(Again: having patients who cannot or will not disengage from their phones for a whole appointment, or who miss their name being called when they are distracted, or whatever - those are HUMAN problems, not PHONE problems.)

My friend A'Dell wrote last year that her take is: anywhere it's socially appropriate to read a book or magazine, it should be socially appropriate to use a phone. Lines, waiting rooms, airport lounges, traffic jams, etc.

Actually you should just go read that whole post because I basically agree with every word, and she is such a good ranter. Get on board, folks. The future is now, etc etc.

*No really. It isn't.

Things That Annoy Me About November

I am back from Minnesota and it was fun and it was cold and I will have updates and pictures later but for now I need to RANT. Because I should like November (it's my birthday month, and isn't everyone always a little bit partial to favoriting their own birthday month?) but I'm starting to like it a whole lot less than I used to. It used to be full of lovely changing leaves and some sense of calm before the holidays. But now, it's... eh. I don't know. 

Basically everything is pissing me off.

1.) At the top of the list is the Christmasification of November. I haaaaaaaate it. I know I sound like a get-off-my-lawn old person by saying it didn't used to be like this, but... IT DIDN'T USED TO BE LIKE THIS. Not that that in itself is a reason to resist a cultural shift, of course. But this is a shift that I'm scared will make me exhausted of Christmas before it even gets here, and Christmas is special! I want it to feeeeeel special. I am feeling protective.

I'm not one of those people who will go so far as to avoid Christmas music during Advent, or get cranky about putting up the tree or decorating -- for me, the excitement of those things IS part of the mental and emotional preparation for Christmas, and it doesn't feel in conflict with Advent -- BUT I will be cranky if we do it before Thanksgiving-ish. I just will. If Christmas has become a thing that takes TWO FULL MONTHS, then it's too much. That's more than 15% of the year! Just no.

Actually, wait. That's not fair. I take part of that back, a little. Everyone can be excited on their own timelines, of course. Just don't push me into it too.

It's more than just not liking it. All of the decorations and jungle bells and songs starting up on my birthday (or earlier!) makes me feel legitimately rushed and panicked and anxious.

Let me bottom-line this before anyone calls me Scrooge: Don't. My resistance to earlier-every-year Christmas is not because I hate the cheer but because I love it, the music and the food and the shopping and the bustling malls and the chill in the air and the holiday beverages. All of it. I don't want to get sick of it or numb to it before it's even here.

In related news, I bought a package of coffee today with a snowflake on it and then I got home and hated myself. Not facetiously. Yes really. :(

Okay, moving on.

2.) Movember. I don't even understand this. Mustaches? Perfectly normal men looking like scruffy porn stars? Is this a fundraiser or something? I am good at the internet, and yet! This irritates/confounds me every year. Is it even cool anymore? Can we just stop?

3.) Faux-gratitude all over Facebook. I'm all for people being thankful. But these normal-status-updates-masquerading-as-thankfulness really grind my gears. They're SO OFTEN just smug or passive-aggressive or even passive agressive. (I'm thankful my x person did x thing and doesn't do y thing like other people. Oh shut it.)

I would like to start a movement where people directly email/text/call/write people they're thankful for, or SHARE some possession or abundance they have, if they're thankful for it (instead of just being smug about having it), and anyone who humblebrags under the guise of thankfulness comes before a jury of peers. Post something about thankfulness when you MEAN it. If that just so happens to be every single day during November and zero single days in the rest of the year, fine, I will try to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I am also giving you some shady side-eye.

(It can be for another day, but we also need to have a discussion about how "blessed" is not the same as "grateful" and there is a place for both words, but if you use them interchangeably, you're very likely putting people off -- read: hurting them -- by implying you have something they don't because God loves you in a way God must not love them. Gross, right? Let's please stop that too.)

4.) NaNoWriMo NaBloPoMo (etc) I have no idea what all those acronyms actually are, but they all drive me nuts, and I cringe to even admit this because I legitimately don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but y'all, that is TOO MUCH TO READ. I love that people write! And every day! But can we each pick a DIFFERENT month to do it all? Like, hey, everyone pick a month in the season you were born, if you want to do a write-every-day project. Because if EVERYONE does it in November, it means there are TOO many posts to read, and I get overwhelmed with my feedly and I don't even try, and LOOK AT MY SAD FACE NOW. (Actually, I take that partly back too. The people working on a novel every day for a month, you keep on keeping on. That, I'm okay with. Full steam ahead, aspiring novelists. It's only the daily blogging that overwhelms me.)

5.) It's dark. Not that I dislike an extra hour of sleep in the morning, or moving the clocks back an hour closer towards what my own internal night-owl clock would like, but dang it sucks that it's so dark within an hour of Nathan getting off the bus. I know, I know, it balances out, whatever. But for the first few weeks when darkness creeps in early, it sucks.

Here is a picture of Nathan and some leaves at the bus stop, because all complainy things aside, November is still pretty gorgeous, even on wet mornings.

Wow, that's a crabby post. Sometimes I just need to be crabby, folks.

Due Date Update - Nathan at Almost Seven

Yes, yes, you read that blog title correctly. It has been seven years, and I still remember/love/hate/notice due dates as much as I did when my babies were still quietly kicking away inside me. And it remains a good time for updates, so here's what's up with Nathan these days:

He is very bright. His love and obsession surrounding dinosaurs has branched out to other kinds of science and animal kingdom factoids, with a special fondness for whales and other animals that are as old as his favorite dinos. (We are very very into sperm whales in particular, these days. Did you know that sperm whales live in every ocean of the world? Did you know that they are the most fascinating kind of whale? Because they have about ten fascinating things about them and other whales have only about four or five.) (That is basically a direct quote.)

He is also newly re-interested in the friend cars, especially the second movie, which is totally not as good but does have cars from around the world and he likes to ask questions about different countries and their flags and languages and such. I remember sometime when I was a kid, going through a phase where I wanted to look up flags of the world in the encyclopedia (adorable right? you know that flag page was the best! it was!) and it seems so unreal to me that my own tiny baby is old enough to show his own interest in that kind of thing. It seems like such... big kid territory. I don't know.

Relatedly, he has learned that he can type almost anything into the YouTube search box and watch a video on it. Which could be dangerous for some kids but little adorkable Nathan is just high on documentaries about dinosaurs and whales and how trains are made, and African animals, and really boring (he denies it, but it is true) people who collect and show Disney and Pixar toys, which basically numbs my brain but he would watch forever if we'd let him. These are also the kinds of things he wants to read about. I have to really talk him into reading stories. He would much rather read fun! fact! type things, which... I mean, okay? Not what I would read (Ramona! Buddy! Get on board! That is good stuff!) but he is his own little creature and I like that he likes what he likes, yknow?

He is still a little on the small side, just below average on the growth charts for his age, but tiny next to his peers, considering he is one of the youngest for his year, and there are many (many) kids who red-shirted kindergarten and are more than a year older than he is. All of which is fine, he doesn't seem to mind, and Mark was always the tiny one in his class growing up, so they can bond over it. And maybe next year his feet will actually touch the floor when he plays his cello! One can hope!

He still loves playing with legos and trains and he loves doing choir and orchestra, and he is a braver and braver swimmer. He is a fast runner and loves to be outside. He seems to be somewhat outgrowing his need to "look cute" (or his definition of that has changed) and most of the time he wanders around in gym shorts and no shirt and no shoes. We keep it rull classy around here.

He remains a pretty sensitive kid, easily offended and hurt (and then crabby about it), but also quick with a kind word or note for people he loves. He is so. much. moodier. than he was a year ago, and I hear that seven will bring even more 'tude, so I am trying to brace myself, and also feel ready to just roll with it. He loves his sisters fiercely, and stays very glued to Anneliese's hip. They have sleepovers in each other's rooms every Friday night (I guess Charlotte will join them when she is potty trained?) and although there are times it pains me to see Charlotte struggle to keep up with them and be included (which is a post for another day, maybe), I would never ever begrudge those two their closeness and attachment to each other. I think Anneliese has maybe been the most important person in Nathan's life since the day she came home from the hospital, and still is.  I could do with less bickering most days, but he is just such a good big brother that is hard for me to remember a day when his life didn't include that role. Weird.

As I am writing this, he is reading over my shoulder and wants me to also say that his YouTube videos are definitely not boring.

So there's that.

Happy due date, sweet Nathan! Almost seven!

Erin's Rules of Cell Phone Use

{Update 5/20: In catching up on blog posts I found this in my draft folder and it has nothing to do with anything; I wrote it a month ago (apparently on my phone, based on all the terrible typos I just corrected) and it amused me, so I'm hitting publish. Hi! You missed me in this corner of the internet, yes?}

With all the crap "old" people like to give "young" people about the "dangers" of cell phones and security and whatnot (all those quotes are because obviously the scolders and scoldees are not always defined by age or generational lines, but by how scared they are themselves of "technology" -- I don't think that word means what most people seem to think it means -- and frequently those people doing the most warning are the ones who least understand what they think they're warning about. Hence, "warning.")

ANYWAY I am here to be the person giving some crap back. Let's talk about current etiquette, because these things change, you know, and I would hate for anyone to be so out of touch that they are rude without intending to be, right? I also have many thoughts on social media (which, yes, is a relevant enough thing now that you do need to learn to do it well) but for now let's talk about phones.

1. Turn your phone noises off. Vibrate is okay, ring noises and notification noises and game beeps and music are not. There are some exceptions (wandering around the mall or the grocery store is... whatever), but for the most part, if you are stationary in a public place -- not only official meetings, but even in restaurants, waiting rooms, etc -- no one wants to hear your phone beep. Be honest, you're already staring at it anyway. You won't miss a notification. Turn it down. (Addendum: if you are too confused by your phone settings to know how to turn it down, you should not have that phone. Get one you can manage kthx.) You have a one-oops grace period on a noisy phone in public before people give you hate stares.

2. Don't call anyone before 10am or after 9pm unless you text and ask first, or have a standing thing, or a phone date, or whatever. (Somewhere my parents are applauding this. Oh how they fought to keep me off the phone after 9. I am with them on it now.) It is invasive and kinda rude. Just ask first. No out of the blue early/late calls.

3. Group texting is ONLY for people who ALL know each other. This is crucial and non-negotiable. I will repeat it: ONLY for people who ALL know each other. Don't loop me into a thread full of people I don't know, telling you something that has nothing to do with me or a group I am part of. Congrats on your baby's cute valentine card or your fancy new car or whatever, but don't tell me about it with a group of other people by text when I don't know them. Then I cannot get out of the thread! No.

3, let's review. I will say it again (in case you missed or think you're a special snowflake with a special snowflake reason to copy a bunch of people into a message who will then be riddled with replies from folks they don't know): group texts are ONLY for people who ALL know each other. No special snowflakes. Okay? Okay.

4. If you need to talk to someone in a public space airport/waiting room/etc, step away. We don't want to hear it. If you're the type of person who does this, I promise you are the type of person who also does it TOO LOUDLY. You are not important or interesting enough that we secretly are curious. Nope. You are who our grandparents warned us about with these newfangled portable phones. Go away.

I'm sure there is more, but that's all I've got for now. Whew. Glad to get that off my chest.

Things I Cannot Abide Right Now

Because I have unspecified crabbies, and I'm not sure what to do with that besides make a list and be internet venty, here are some things I cannot abide right now:

1- The weather. Sure, it's great today, but it will be crud again on Thursday and I'm over it. (Yes I know it is so so so much worse in other parts of the country. I send my warmest spring thoughts.)

2- Oil pulling. People are apparently swishing oil in their mouths, to... get their mouths clean? No, y'all. Stop that. You hippies need to simmer down. Everyone just BRUSH YOUR TEETH.

3- Amongst other really frustrating church complaints these days, I am very over Certain Church Types who hate the internet. (Correction: are scared of the internet.) And other terrible churchy communication in general, and I mean that on SO MANY LEVELS but I am trying not to be so complainy about church so I will not start a rant.

4- People who are pissed that the new Annie is black. Yes, a little girl. Acting in a movie. Which apparently she shouldn"t be.... because of how she looks? What year is this? FOR THE LOVE.

5- Being a terrible sleeper. If I could magically change one thing about myself, it might be this. Partly to make better sleep decisions, and partly for those decisions to just, for once, work. I would love to have the ability to sleep when I wanted to, where I wanted to, without thinking about it. If you have this luxurious ability, do me a favor and please don't take it for granted.

6- Crappy in-laws. Not MINE, I should say. But I know and love several people whose in-laws are being crappy to them. Including one set of in-laws who put those booze-breastmilk test strips in the diaper bag after babysitting during a date night. Why so gross, in-laws of the world?

7- This dumb HuffPo article going viral (I'm not linking to it, it doesn't need any more hits, google it if you must) saying kids should not use handheld devices until they are twelve. Not just shouldn't use them, but the government should make it illegal for kids to use them. Are you effing kidding me? How does this bullsh!t go viral? And as the ever-delightfully-pedantic Miriel pointed out, "handheld devices" is woefully unspecific. Shall we have the government ban forks and spoons and pencils, too? Also, I don't think the word "technology" means what that writer thinks it means.

And how I feel tonight is: people are dumb, y'all.

Okay in the interest of a happy healthy mindset OR WHATEVER, here are three things I feel damn glad about this weekend:

1- We had a great night out with friends on Friday, including this delightful little bikini-tini at dinner, which tasted like a freaking vacation:

You know that's pretty. You know you want one.

2- Nathan is currently trying to pluck out "twinkle twinkle" on his cello and he can't quiiiite get it (because he hasn't learned enough notes yet for it) but dang it is adorable to listen to him try.

3- Mark got some decent news about some work stuff this week, and it is making him feel light and happy. Light and happy looks good on anyone, but it's especially super when it's on your beloved.

2013: St. Croix, Montreat, Chicago, and Pleurisy

What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before? I met up with a group of friends I knew only from the internet, had a lovely weekend hanging out with them, and confirmed to myself once and for all that I was right: there is no difference between friends and internet friends. My 1999 self was very wide-eyed about the whole thing, but it was fun and funny and natural and I loved it. 

Other new things I did this year: I traveled out of the country with three small children, I battled a flea infestation in my house, I watched my sweet husband put out a fire in our kitchen, and I went to my first conference at Montreat (as a Presbyterian born and raised in North Carolina, it is a little bit shocking that it took 32 years). Oh and I got pleurisy, even though it was the year 2013 not 1813, which was officially this year's dose of what the fresh hell?!?

Did you keep last year's resolutions, and will you make more for this year? My resolutions last year were to be textier with Mark at work during the day, send more emails, and try two new recipes a month. I get a big ol' MEH on all of them. I was sometimes really good at them and sometimes really not, so I guess for most people that would be a resolution fail, but if I am better now than I was then, I am calling it a win because that is just good math.

And I am a month into 2014 and I have no new resolutions. Some years I totally care, and apparently this isn't one of them.

How did you spend Christmas NYE? Mark and I were kid-free while the babies spent a few nights with my mom, so we got to ring in the new year at a classy restaurant with friends, followed by really fun birthday/NYE champagne cocktails rimmed in frosting and sprinkles, and an upside-down Christmas tree, and New Years Rockin Dicken Clarken Eve or whatever it's called, and also our fancy steakhouse had the best celery Another Nathan has ever had, so.

What dates from 2013 will remain etched in your memory? January 29th: our plane tickets to St. Croix. June 21st: the day Mark and I celebrated ten years of marriage. July 27th: the day after Nathan's 6th birthday, when we went to Montreat together. December 23rd: when my nephew Sullivan was born.

What countries states territories did you visit? The biggest thing this year was our St. Croix trip for Brad's wedding, which I am still high on almost a year later. Not just the vacation, but my whole family of origin, together to celebrate and add Marija to our ranks. And to do it in a beautiful place with my husband and kids and best friend, encompassing the oddest blend of relaxed and chaotic I've ever experienced on a trip. I'm not sure what else a gal could want from a family vacation.

Whose behavior merited celebration? Anneliese, actually. After some terrible hard months, she has now (minus a frustrating nightly cleanup crying habit) settled into that delightful stage of being four. Four is great. Four is cheerful and independent and inquisitive and funny. Even better, four is almost five! (I have yet to encounter an age better than five. If we get to one that trumps five, I will let you know. Til then, five forever!) (Oh whoa, I just saw that last year I said it was Anneliese's behavior that appalled me. Well look at that, she turned it around.)

Whose behavior appalled you? People who still knock on doors. Ring doorbells. Show up in circumstances where that would be warranted. You know what I mean. This has become my favorite thing to hate, except I actually hate to have to hate it, because HOW IS THIS STILL A THING??

If I know you are coming, come on in. If I don't know you are coming, you fall into two groups: 1- you have a key, and can come in whenever you want (without knocking), or 2- I don't want you to come over. Solicitors are most definitely in the second group. Delivery people who knock on doors and then run back to their trucks are also in the second group. Neighbors who want to talk to us about fence fixing or hedge trimming or whether or not the city is going to build a sidewalk on our road, IN THE SECOND GROUP. 

I'm just not sure how or why it is still a culturally appropriate thing to show up at someone's house, in their space, and assume that they would stop what they are doing and deal with what you want them to deal with, on your time, when you were not invited or even necessarily welcome, and if you want them to BUY SOMETHING FROM YOU, then that is even worse because it is an egregious distortion of the appropriate consumer/provider relationship. 

Let's let 2014 be the year that we, as a society, reserve showing up unannounced at people's houses for only times of emergency or need.

Okay, end rant. That is not what this post is about. Moving on.

What was great this year when you weren't expecting it? Montreat. It was a pretty last-minute decision to volunteer for the youth conference as a small group leader, and an even more last-minute decision to have Nathan come with me. And then suddenly what I had been expecting to be a simple champerone on a church trip turned out so much better. Truly, a highlight of my year.

Who is the best new person you met? Liz. Hands down, Liz. Liz from Montreat, Utah Liz, LIZ. I don't want to be all sappy about her (again) on the internet, but she is super, and I can't remember the last time I met someone with whom I connected so easily and so quickly. And it has lasted, even months after the conference last summer. (Also, I think this year I started to re-claim my own extroversion. I love meeting new people and listening to their stories. My life hadn't afforded much of that in the past few years, and then in 2013 it was everywhere, and I enjoyed it. Liz was a big reason why.)

Who did you miss? These days I miss my sister a lot, especially since she spent most of the year pregnant, and last time she was pregnant we were pregnant together, and so it made me think of her, and us, pretty often. Every time Ashley and I visit, we just talk a mile a minute and hear each other's feeeelings and then suddenly it has been hours and we're exhausted but in a really good really connected way, and yeah I just kinda love her a lot and I miss her when she feels far.

What did you get really really excited about? Our trip to Chicago, a trip just for Mark and me. I get excited any time the two of us can get away together. We are great on vacation, and there is no one else I would rather travel with. I had a ton of fun planning it out and booking it (Mark and I both love that the planning is MY part of any trip) and then I looked forward to it for months. And then it was an awesome trip. Because of my excellent planning. And also because Chicago is lovely and Marky is great and blah blah blah whatever GOLD STAR FOR TRIP PLANNING, SELF.

Where did most of your money go? Mortgage, health insurance, taxes, school tuition, Starbucks.

What was the best thing you bought? The chromebook. I have my own computer! That I share with other people also, but whatever, we now are a family of more than just one computer!

What was your favorite show? The Mindy Project and Parenthood are the two shows Mark and I most look forward to watching. We also continue to watch the hell out of Daniel Tiger which the kids, especially Charlotte, adore. I know the jingle that goes with every episode, oh yes I do. Feel free to be very impressed. *brushes shoulder*

What was your favorite book? Eleanor & Park, by Rainbow Rowell. Her writing is beautiful and honest and clear, and the story is about young love. Like, real love. It is a really really great book.

What was your favorite movie? Mark and I went and saw The Secret Life of Walter Mitty the day before New Year's Eve, and we loved it. It was part sobering reality, part fantastical daydream, had beautiful scenery in Iceland and the Himalayas, and was easy and delightful to watch. 

How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year? How many scarves do you now own? Twenty-six. Come at me brah.

How old were you on your birthday, and what did you do? I turned 33, and I had a lunch date with Another Nathan and we did our traditional first peek through the mall to start forming Christmas lists. Then I had a fancy and romantic Laotian dinner date with Marky. And then a couple nights later we had mexican food and spicy cocktails at an empanada bar with some friends downtown. It was lovely and exactly what I wanted.

What was your biggest achievement in 2013? This rainbow cake.

Your biggest failure? My ongoing struggle to be more patient and kind, especially with the kids. Sometimes they drive me nuts doing things that are perfectly benign, and I want to react to that better. In those situations, my nerve-shot feeling is almost always about me, not them.

What song will always remind you of 2013? Imagine Dragons - On Top of the World. Yes, I know it was actually released a whole year ago, but Nathan and I sang it a thousand times wandering around Montreat and now when I hear it, that is what I remember -- our first trip there. Also A Great Big World's This is the New Year, which I used in his birthday video, was one of my favorite songs this year too.

What kept you sane? This is a serious question, yo. Sanity is no joke, and when I am able to come by it, I don't take it for granted. The precious hours Mark and I together many evenings, after the kids go to bed but before we do, are probably the most sanity-giving regular times in my routine. Also consistent support and friendship from Another Nathan, especially our Wednesday coffee dates and Tuesday post-choir blue moon chats, which are so healthy in need-to-vent or need-to-laugh ways, depending on the week. Also choir itself. Also my unlimited texting plan. Also library books. Also coffee. COFFEEEEEE.

What valuable lesson did you learn this year? Lesson still being fine tuned: not to let a bad day overwhelm me about my forever.

Get To Know Me Questions

Okay, for Am Doing My Best, here is a random non-family-update thing to blog about, and it was fun! And now I want everyone I know to do this too!

If you were on an island, who would you want to be with? Why? Mark, duh. He's my super co-vacationer. Wait I'm not on this island forever, right? I get to come home and see my kids and friends and family? So yeah, on the island, Mark and only Mark.

If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? Ooooh the nativity, I think. Or the making of the Sound of Music in Austria in the 1960s. That makes me sound like a total heretic to mention those next to each other in the same answer, but yeah. There it is.

If you could learn to do anything, what would it be? I am a good musician, but I have always been sort of sad I can't play the piano. So, that. Or fly, if we are being implausible. Who wouldn't want to be able to fly?

If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? Gretchen. I've always kinda felt like a Gretchen. Yes really.

If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? Pay off the mortgage, pay for my family's mortgages, buy one fancy gift each for my favorite ten or so people, and then go on vacation. Maybe to that island we just talked about. (That is the first, second, third, and fourth things I would do, because I'm not a rule-follower and also I am wordy.)

If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose? Hermione.

What do you want to be when you grow up? HAHAHAHAHA

What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up? I cry at almost every book, and literally every movie (Mark and Another Nathan can vouch for that. I cried at Ted. TED for crying out loud. I hated that movie! Yet, I cried sappy tears) but I think the last book I cried at was Eleanor & Park, and the last movie I cried-cried in, tears-in-my-neck, snot-soaked sleeves, was Saving Mr. Banks.

What do you miss most about being a kid? Oh, this will be heavy, but I do miss my mom and dad and sister and brother all living in one house. It feels like some level of whole that is very hard to re-create as an adult, although with my own husband and kids now, it is getting there.

What story does your family always tell about you? My sister swears up and down that I told her Hitler lived in our toilet and would come out and get us when we flushed. But I did not come up with that, and I know I didn't, because I was scared of it too! (We were odd children; I can see this now.) I really thought she told me, but she's 32 now and legitimately insists she didn't, so I believe her. Maybe it was the product of someone's bad dream or something and what was one scary idea turned into a joint childhood fear. Or maybe we just watched waaaaaaaay to much of The Sound of Music. Regardless, we believed it, we became experts at the flush & run, and our family still talks about it. HITLER. IN THE TOILET.

What is your dream job? Travel writer. Pay me to take a trip, see new sights, eat new foods, meet new people, notice things to form opinions about them, and then write all about it? Yep. Sign me up.

What cause are you willing to fight for? Correct usage of apostrophes. It is my hill to die on. (Also, equal marriage rights for all people who use apostrophes correctly, regardless of sexuality.)

What was the last national park you visited? Buck Island off St. Croix, where we went snorkeling last year on my brother's wedding trip. Fun fact: it is the only national park that is completely underwater! (Also I am a traveler who is full of fun facts! You definitely want me on alllll your national park trips.)

What was the first thing you learned to cook? I made a lot of hamburger helper for my family when I was a kid, does that count? The first thing I learned to cook cook as an adult was this peasant pasta with sausage and peas I learned from watching Rachael Ray on tv in the early weeks of my marriage. I watched a lot of Rachael Ray on TV in the early weeks of my marriage. A lot.

What book can you read over and over again? A Little Princess, Where the Red Fern Grows, Harry Potter, A Son of the Circus, The Poisonwood Bible.

Did you ever work at an on campus job? Heck yeah I did, I was a happy minion in the music department office (before minions were adorable animated movie characters). I learned important things like: 1- how to make a pot of coffee that doesn't piss off the organ professor, 2- there is no problem that can't be solved by sticking a post-it note on something else, 3- most grownups a generation ahead of me are scared of computers, 4- how to lie talk to prospective students/families about opera and dance programs that didn't really exist at my school 5- to never ever under any circumstances staple a check to anything, ever, especially not a band/orchestra camp application. I can haz mad office skillz.

What was the first concert you went to see? Richard Marx! It was so so awesome. I am not even being sarcastic. I also saw Boyz II Men on Valentine's Day in eighth grade with my (gasp! tenth grade! scandalous!) boyfriend. And his parents. Which was also awesome and that is also not sarcasm.

Who is someone from your past that you are sorry you lost track of? Oh, lots of people. I am all for looking someone up when I think of them, but the ones that can't be tracked down, even online, kinda confound me. The first one that comes to mind is Hank, one of my best buds on foreign study in Germany. Weird we went through this awesome transformative thing together, bonded over our young engagements and similar book tastes, and shared snacks on night trains and laughed til we cried at the automated lady on the phone cards for calling America. We stayed close through the rest of college, and then we got married (on the same day!) and he fell off the face of the earth. Sad. He was smart and fun and lovely. Still is, I'm sure.

If you could see 24 hours into the future what would you do with this ability? Go nuts, I think. That sounds terrible and exhausting. It would send me into a panic of trying to control everything (even more than I do now!) and oh my geesh, suddenly I am very very very glad there are some things we never get to know or predict. YIKES.

If you had it to do over again what would you study in school? I majored in English (with a double major in German) (HASHTAG USEFUL), but I think if I did it over I would do something more writing-ish. Yes, more than English. Like something more about journalism or media or design/communications. That stuff fascinates me now. Actually wait I take it back, I loved my years of reading books and writing papers about them and getting a degree for it. What am I saying? That was super.

What do you know how to say in a foreign language? Lots of things! Want me to write this blog post in cluttered German? Because I can! At one point I could also say "would you please take our photo?" in fourteen langugages because I am That Traveler, and fun! facts! are not the only thing I can offer to a vacation. (Mark rolls his eyes and then feels super glad we have a the pictures, so.)

What was your first paying job? I babysat as a teenager, and then spent my adolescence as a lifeguard, but my first paying job in the "real world" was a sales job for a company that arranged non-profit travel (disaster relief, humanitarian aid, mission trips, that kind of thing). It wasn't what I thought I was looking for when we moved to Raleigh, but I loved the lady I interviewed with and I loved the company's vision (originally borne of the Mennonite church which was odd but lovely) so I took the job, and was so glad I did, because it turns out I am totally good at sales. Not in a schmoozy gross way (I know the word "sales" is a big turn-off to a lot of people) but in a listening to what people need, smart at creative logistics way. I was good at it; my clients liked me and so did my company. I don't mean to sound douchey, just saying it was a great job for me. I did it for like six years, til Anneliese was born, and I would do it again.

(Edited: I just remembered I totally had a job in the "real world" right after we got married, a sports shop in Clemson, where I was hired to something something implement bar codes something men's section buying choices blah blah blah it was retail with a crappy cranky boss and it was not my favorite, but through sale samples, Mark did start to achieve his lifetime goal of owning All The Clemson Shirts.) (Said lifetime goal has since been abandoned.)

What is the strangest food you have ever eaten? I am not a super picky eater, but I also can't think of anything truly weird I have eaten. Once when we were on foreign study in the Netherlands, Mark made me eat a whole pickled (raw? I can't remember) herring drenched in raw onions. It was... not good. (Another Nathan says this is where I should admit I ate food in China that I couldn't identify, which even if the food itself was normal, is apparently not a Normal Person thing to do. So there's also that.)

When was the first time you saw the ocean? I am guessing before I was even a year old, and suddenly I am sad for people who might have a definitive memoried answer for this. Or maybe jealous of them, for having it be a noteworthy memorable experience? I love the ocean, I love the beach, I don't recall ever not knowing what it was or what it was like. I'm a Carolinian so that's to be expected though.

What is most memorable about your high school years? Laughing a lot with my awesome band dork friends. Being completely in puppy-love (and then real love!) with Mark. Constant muscle soreness from swim practice.

What word describes you best? Emotional. I feel everything, everything, like really really feel it. It is sometimes exhausting, but most of the time it is connective and good. I think. I hope? It means I love people really hard, and I wouldn't trade that. So, good.

Ten November-So-Far Things

Scenes from our November:

1.) One of Anneliese's favorite things is having "coffee" with me in the mornings. It's just hot chocolate powder in a cup, and I run water through the coffeemaker to make it. Takes twice as long as microwaving, but she loves it ten times as much. That's your parenting math pro tip of the day. (I add a lot of milk to cool it off.)

2.) My favorite summer Charlotte onesie dress has now become a fall tunic with jeggings, and I might like it even better, and hey I am getting kinda good at this wardrobe stretching thing.

3.) Anneliese's birthday outfit also got a fall update. "Mom look I found my purple tights! And Nathan helped me put my skirt on! And my orange coat is in the rainbow tooooo!" Well, I... yeah, I don't know how to argue with that.

When I am out with Anneliese, especially when she creates looks like this (the child has never met a color combo she doesn't think looks super together, no joke), people often comment how I must love hanging out with such a bright and colorful kid. Yeah, I don't know how to argue with that either.

4.) Nathan's sweet Tiger is also still enjoying his birthday party outfit, a month later.

5.) Mark made me fried bananas, a holdover Dutch-by-way-of-the-Indonesians dessert from his childhood. His mom used to make them for us in high school when I was over there for dinner (read: making out). So fried bananas taste like memories and kissing to me.

6.) Charlotte calls these her kitty PJs. Panthers fans everywhere are either awwww-ing or in outrage. One of those.

7.) Nathan has been asking for the pipe organ episode of Mister Rogers every weekend since we were at Montreat (where he saw a photo of Mister Rogers in front of an organ and announced I've never seen that one! Maybe it will be the next one that comes on!) (SPOILER: it has never been the next one that comes on). Finally it occurred to me that I could just maybe find it online, and yep, there it was, ready to be streamed on Amazon.

He watched, entranced, grinning at the special shoes and the pipes and the crawling up into the casing (is that what that's called?) and the magical internet joy of finally after months and months, seeing something you have wanted to see. Best $2 I have spent in a while.

8.) Anneliese isn't always super snuggly with me, but she suddenly is with Mark, and I am simultaneously jealous and melting from the sweetness.

9.) Nathan's bus comes home every day right when Charlotte is finishing naptime, and she is often awake standing on her bed, watching for him out the window. My friend Miranda said this is really cute my day but would be super creepy at night (she totally does it at night too).

And in case you had forgotten how creepydorable age two can be, she also sometimes gives us a puppet show with her animals.

10.) A few weeks ago, Nathan finally earned his necklace and first foot in his before-school walking club thing; after his laps were all added up he had passed the landmark five miles or whatever. He is pretty proud. And cute.

And that's November so far.