VCS: Kindergarten Zebras

Hey while I am catching up on blogging I should totally tell about our VCS week even though it was almost a month ago. (Our church calls it VCS instead of VBS because we can't just... name things like everyone else. I'd give you ten more examples but I'm already bored of talking about it so just take my word for it.)

So, VCS. The popular thing (at least among my own lovely circle of internet friends) seems to be using vbs weeks for a break in the summer where the kids are covered and at-home parents get to relax at home in the sweet sweet air conditioning. And I will do that! I have big plans for that! When they are all old enough to go. But for now, the girls aren't (yes, even Anneliese, who is just a few months shy of four but is still "a two" as far as the school year is concerned) so I figure these are good years to throw myself into the volunteering effort since there are nurseries for the littlest ones whose parents are there helping. 

I have done a variety of helps over the past few years (food, nurseries, music, etc) but this year I wanted to teach (for some reason?) (oh right because I love five-year-olds #fiveforever) so I took on a class of kindergartners (including Nathan! they gave us the option to teach our own kids or not, and I thought with him it'd be fine, and it was) with my sweet friend Jeanine -- who besides being really good at karaoke, which is a skill only sometimes useful at vcs, is a preschool teacher by trade. Because I am no dummy when it comes to picking people to work with. She is smart. And fun. And can whip out an art project or game faster than I can stand there slack-jawed and try to fumble for the camera to capture her craft time wizardry.

I digress.

So, teaching. It was lovely. The curriculum (about a world's fair, teaching a "neighborly" trait every day with a scripture story to go with it, and a neighbor country to learn about alongside) seemed random to me at first but then came together beautifully.

And our class was crazydorable:

We had a great youth helper too!

 

neighborly kids -- washing each other's feet and role-playing the good Samaritan

a craft of Japanese cherry blossoms, and making ourselves
into zebras from Zimbabwe -- there were lots of kindergartners,
but our class was the only class of zebras!

special snack on the last day

I am told frequently (like, whenever I go out in public with all three of my kids) how alike they look. I guess when they're wearing the same clothes, I can kind of see it?

Anyway yeah VCS. That was fun.

Last Kindergarten Chapel

The last day of school! Finally! Maybe I'm being naive, but I am so ready to have all the kids home every day for the summer. Nowhere to be by any certain time which I will certainly feel late for! No more fighting for parking for school dropoff! PJs all day! (Well, some days.) Playtime at home! NO MORE PACKING LUNCHES!

Okay so yay summer break, but before we celebrate can I just be nostalgic for a second? Anneliese is done with her first year of preschool. Nathan is done with kindergarten, and graduating out of our church school for good.  Look how far they have come in a year:

And in case you thought those two were looking too old, try not to freak out at how huge Charlotte is all of a sudden. Um, excuse me? When did that happen?

(Also, oh my sweet babies, you are so perfectly and wonderfully awkward. Never change.)

Nathan is all dressed up because the last day of school was his final "graduation" chapel. I tried not to be too emotional but the second he walked downstairs with his tie on and asked for help with his sleeves, I was crying. And kept going off and on until chapel was over.

So, that's how that went.

And of course he wanted Daddy to wear his matching tie. Which of course Daddy happily did.

We are hella in love with this awesome kid. He is so bright and incredibly kind. He is still a budding introvert, but ever more confident, and I can't believe how far he has come out of his shell in the past year or so. I am both terrified and proud to send him to a big public school this fall.

We love you, Nathan. So much. Congrats, little graduate.

And now, summer.

Class of 2025

Okay so Nathan will be done with kindergarten in a few days I am trying not to, like, feel all the Feelings. Actually I would like to feel all the Feelings, but the past few weeks have been a whirlwind and maybe why I am sad is that it's all rushing up on me and I don't have time to process. I want to savor this! Because next year he is off to a big public school, all day, and then it's forever and suddenly he's eighteen and moving away to college and I feel mildly panicky.

The children I met when I came to Raleigh (like Mary) who were children back then, are now graduating and going off to college. And suddenly I'm realizing that all you people who said when Nathan was born, "you'll blink and he'll be in kindergarten" and were right about it will probably also be right about the fact that I'll blink again and he'll be in college. See? Panic.

Anyway.

So in an attempt to avoid (or embrace) all the Feelings this week, we have been making the most of the last days of the school year. Like I said, savor.

Nathan had his end-of-year kindergarten cookout today. It was quite the event, with a slip & slide (three guesses how Nathan felt about that) (it involved a running start and then crawling from one end to the other on all fours, while noting that it was too wet and slippery ummm yeah buddy that's kind of the point) and a sno-cone food truck and tons of games and music.

Ryan and Nathan -- friends since the month they were born

sno cone truck!

with Finn and Chloe, two of his favorite friends
(they have a triplet, Auden, who jumped out of the pic.
he loves Auden too.)

He also got his final report card (straight A's!) (well, his school's equivalent) and last batch of schoolwork sent home, and it is all just so precious I almost can't stand it.

Oh! And one last end-of-year thing. Mostly for the grandparents, probably, but here is a video of Nathan's final choir festival (festibal) for the year. I'm so glad he yawned right when I zoomed in on him.


(If you can't see the embedded video, click here to watch on YouTube.)

So, yeah. Kindergarten is ending.

The class of 2025 doesn't seem very far.

All the Feelings.

What's Up With Nathan?

So. Blogging about Nathan is getting tricky, because the moment I knew would come someday has arrived -- he understands that I am telling people stories about him. He gets it -- that mommy can type some things and add a picture, and then people can see it.

And while the instagram and facebook likes feed his smiles like they would any budding internetter of the new millenium, he is also feeling a bit shy about it. He hates that word (and he might hate that I am telling you that he hates that word) but, the truth is he's at an age now where he does get a vote about what I tell the internet about him, which... is not everything.

And I respect his vote.

Some days he is begging me to take his picture and share something, and some days he puts on his quiet voice and asks me not to tell. It seems we have entered an era of me running it by him before I share his bizniss. Which is fair, and we're all cool with it over here, so... cool? Cool.

In that light, here are some things Nathan says it's okay to "type to the internet" about:

1.) For his last art project of the year, he made a robot. 

It likes to play the organ. Because of course it does?

2.) He was a rabbit.

The kindergarten classes put on an opera ("opera") about the billy goats gruff, but starring girls, so it was technically the Nanny Goats Gruff, and Nathan had the crucial part as a member of the rabbit family. You can't see it here, but he also had a cotton tail on the back of that t-shirt. They sang and they did the bunny hop, but not with the music, even a little bit. It was wonderful.

3.) He is playing tee ball.

Mark is predictably thrilled. Nathan is surprisingly good (at hitting) (and running) (it turns out five-year-olds are all terrible fielders). And he is unsurprisingly adorable. You should watch this and then try not to smile at the look on his face when he runs to first.


(If you can't see the embedded video, click here to view it on YouTube.)

So that is (some of) what is new with Nathan.

Other Monday Miscellany

So right after I told the internet that my ribs and lungs felt better with each day (why do I say things like that? why? It's like telling the internet your kid sleeps well. LIFE WILL MAKE A LIAR OF YOU, ERIN. STOP DOING THAT.) I had a horrible night and the fading achiness turned to searing pain in my side, so I hauled myself back to the doctor and they did another x-ray.

(Another Nathan asked if they have given me a punch card yet. Fourth one is on the house? Sadly no.)

Well it turns out that the ribcage cartilage inflammation is worse instead of better AND I have a whole new ailment! Irritation in the lung lining itself. Pleurisy: not just for people in the eighteenth century anymore. So for those of you keeping track at home, that's pleurisy, following costochondritis, following pneumonia, following RSV. With the constant stream of Mark/kid illnesses too, of course.

I would heave a huge sigh but HA I can't breathe without pain.

Anyway.

So I have been looking forward to Mark's business trip to Charlotte this week (wait! hear me out!) only because we had worked it out for me to be able to crash his hotel for a night together, and had arrangements for the kids and everything. But now two of our kid-coverers are sick or have sick kids themselves (I mean, obviously, right? Try to look shocked we didn't see that coming). We still might be able to work it out but I'm not a hundred percent sure yet, and I can't decide if it's even worth the effort to go. But the thing is, even though I am sore and sick, I so want that night with Marky. In a hotel room. Grownup stuff (*ahem*) aside, I just want a giant bed in a room I don't have to clean, so I can sleep for hours and hours and hours and then read twitter on my  phone and sleep some more and no one will ask me any questions about making them a pop tart or why they can't wear two shirts but no pants to school and a night off of PEACE AND REST. Yeah I still want that. Terribly. So, it's probably worth the effort of some plan-rearranging to make it happen, right?

I did, however, have a delightful day with the children, painful ribs be darned. We made treats for Mark's business trip and only burned them a little. It only took three trips to the pharmacy to get my meds filled (in related news, I am very close to being ready to break up with my pharmacy). We watched Daniel and Mister Rogers and snuggled. (I am high on the land of make believe right now, y'all.)

Oh! Some milestoney news! Last Friday I gave Charlotte a spoon just to see what she would do (remember she is still eating several months behind most other kids her age) and she totally used it! Correctly!

Until she didn't anymore. (Still adorable.)

Tomorrow is Nathan's 100th day of school, so he made a collection of a hundred things. Anything he wanted. (Well, anything he could attach to paper. So, not actually anything after all. "Not rocks, that's too heavy!" he told me. Um, okay? Got it.) So we did a collection of a hundred things to build with legos. This probably had nothing to do with the fact that a lego book is readily abundant with stickers, which are self-sticking (read: easy for me).

And not to end on a sad note, but my Grandpa S's beloved poodle, Tammy, died this weekend. She was somewhat infamous as his sidekick in Huntersville, and she has been living with my mom (and her menagerie) since Grandpa died in 2009.

That crazy pup had a lovely and bizarre life, and my mom is really sad this week -- not just because of Tammy, but because Tammy was the last bit of her dad, who was the last bit of her family of origin, and, well, if you know my mom by facebook or email or text, send her some love (or comment here, she'll totally see it). Virtual hugs are almost as good as the real thing in this situation, I promise.

Oh here is a not-sad-note something else: Kroger is apparently selling dinosaurs for easter. As if easter dinosaurs are a Thing. I'm not sure I understand, Kroger.

(I mean, I'm not saying I don't want to purchase them. I do. Obviously.)

So pleurisy and Easter Dinosaurs. Just, you know... Monday.

Yay Five

Well Nathan is officially done with his first semester of kindergarten. (Do you say semesters about kindergarten? It sounds so old!) He has been doing splendidly. Really, we are so so pleased. If we ask him his favorite part of the school day, he says "when we do our work." Zomg adorable.

Can I just say for the record that five is my favorite age so far? Nathan is delightful these days. Old enough to be surprisingly self-sufficient, young enough to still feel attached. He is fun and says funny things. He is sweet and (mostly) patient with his sisters. He is high on dinosaurs and legos and coloring and singing and soft shirts and has no shame in a good stuffed animal snuggle. He's completely wonderful.

Whenever things feel rough with Anneliese (or Charlotte, for that matter, although that's rare these days since she is also at a delightful-to-me-anyway age), I remind myself that three was tough with Nathan too (albeit in different ways), and that someday she will be five and it will be better. Five! I get to do five again! Twice!

I love five. I can't quit five.

Look what I built with Daddy! We had directions!
(He loves a toy with directions.)

Anyway when I was at school to help with his class Christmas party, both his teachers pulled me aside to tell me how great he is to have around. Incredibly bright, shockingly good memory, one of the best grasps of numbers and patterns and mathy things that they've seen from a kindergartner (he doesn't get that from me. in case you couldn't guess by the fact that I just said mathy things). I mean, what parent doesn't want to hear that stuff? I loved hearing it.

But you know what I loved hearing even more? That he is kind. And compassionate. Sweet to everyone. And has a good sense of fairness and justice for his classmates. I roll my eyes sometimes at his rule-followingness (he doesn't get that from me either), but if it brings out his willingness to share and take turns and be a good listener, I will stop the eye rolling. I love that his teachers and friends can count on him. It's way better than any academic accolades they could mention. Truly.

My shy socially-slow Nathan is turning into the easygoing kind kid in the class? The one everyone wants to play with? The one who won't name a best friend because "I like all my friends, mommy." I LOVE THAT, Y'ALL. I love it so hard.

And that is why I still want him to stay five forever. (Yes, he is still sticking to his promise.)

Dove

Nathan was the dove in his school nativity this year. Well, one of two doves. He sang a little duet as a verse in The Friendly Beasts.

I, said the dove from rafters high,
I cooed him to sleep that he should not cry.
I cooed him to sleep, my mate and I.
I, said the dove from rafters high.

I'm not sure who chose him to sing a duet (he's not much with the confidence in front of a crowd, or with the pitch-matching either), but he did great. Remembered all his words, and sang loud and clear.

And the nativity story has never been more sweetly told than with the help of a five-year-old dove wearing glasses.

(Yes, I cried. Obviously.)

And in case it couldn't get any cuter, he colored this picture of a dove (we now live in a world where coloring books are printed at home according to by-request googling):

He had to add the headband on himself. I mean a dove can't be without his headband. Duh mommy.

Thursday Miscellany

Eight quick takes:

1. I thought that turning Charlotte around in her car seat would help me keep her awake during our 1pm car rides to get Nathan from school. Um, it has not. (These dozes regularly ruin afternoon naptime, in case you were curious.)

2. Nathan has started packing his own lunch for school. He climbs up on a stool, makes a sandwich or bagel, gets some grapes or string cheese or applesauce or whatever else he wants to bring, fills his water bottle, and always remembers an icepak from the freezer, a spoon from the drawer, and exactly half a paper towel. He is either a control freak or he's stumbling into newfound independence (if it's the former, don't tell me). And I am either a really terrible mommy or a really awesome one (if it's the former, don't tell me).

3. I got new glasses. Tell me they are cute and trendy.

4. We got the fliers for this year's Awkward School Photos. Oh goody, now they come with a fake magazine cover. Something I've always never wanted or needed! And even if it were a good idea (it isn't), this one isn't even well done. Laugh at it with me, please.

5. Are y'all watching Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood yet? It's the newest incarnation of Mister Rogers, a re-imagining of his land of make-believe. It's sweet and smart and it will bring back memories. Tell your kids and tell your DVRs. I wouldn't lead you wrong on this, friends. Daniel Tiger is where it's at.

6. After a string of hard weeks, Anneliese is suddenly having a good one. She's sweet and kind and helpful and, well, delightful. If it manifests like this, I'm happy for her to make a liar out what I told the internet last week.

7. For anyone keeping score at home, it's been three-plus weeks and Mulch Mountain is indeed still standing strong in our front yard. Oh and it's still steaming. I don't care how much heat is generated from the wood-chipping process... that ain't right. Our mulch is creeping me out, y'all.

8. We bought our house again yesterday. Yay?

School Choir

The kindergartners were the choir in school chapel this morning.

Nathan, formerly shy and hesitant, stood there on the front row and sang his little heart out. I have never never seen him show such confidence in a group of people before. I was dumbfounded.

And proud.

I cried.

I always cry. I mean, I'm emotional today (exhaustion, naughtiness, overmommied, underslept, just not my best week) but that aside, I really do cry anyway, every single time.

It's what my morning needed.

New Specs

Nathan was Child of the Day in his kindergarten class today! I don't have the full details on what that means, but he definitely got to be the line leader and might or might not have done... something? with the class calendar.

For his special day, he wanted to wear his favorite shirt to go with... his new glasses!

(Combed hair is apparently not an essential part of his Child of the Day look.)

He looks sweet and smart and... different. And maybe a little bit Bumgarner? And definitely too grown up to be my baby boy. *sigh* *sob*

First Day of School!

I'm feeling super emotional right now, so all I am going to say is this --

Nathan's first day of kindergarten! Anneliese's first day of preschool!

Now don't mind me, I'll just be sitting here on the floor, crying and snuggling my one last baby and hoping she doesn't grow up so fast on me too.

If you're also in need of a good cry, take in this scene from the kindergarten hallway.

*sob*

{PS. Update -- they both loved school. LOVED. IT.}

Identity Crisis? The End of an Era.

I have a lot of feelings these days. 

Big feelings that I'm trying not to feel, if I'm being honest. I'm worried if I dwell on them too much, even to write this post, I will feel sad and emotional and overwhelmed.

Charlotte is weaned. Officially and for real. I thought it had happened when I went to Asheville for the weekend, but she nursed off and on a few times a week for another month or so after that. But the last time I let her do it was the night before her birthday. It's been almost a month. So... pretty safe to say we're done. Done. 

I'm glad I had a good cry about it then, because now... I don't know what to feel about it.

For the first time in six years (SIX! YEARS!) -- since the fall of 2006 -- I am not pregnant or nursing. Because I breastfed right into each following pregnancy, I haven't had so much as a weekend of no one else needing my body. In six years.

That's not a complaint. I am very okay with how it played out. 

But there were lots of times I would daydream of having my body to myself, doing what I wanted without regards to caffeine or morning sickness or  pumping or heartburn or medication guilt (oh the meds guilt; I cannot begin to explain  how every pill over the last year has made me ache). I could imagine this coming freedom -- I would feel neither the kicks of a baby inside, nor the tingle of a milky letdown, and how weird and wonderful it would be. We laughed and pictured a big "off the boob" party, complete with booze and swimming and debauchery. Oh and t-shirts.

But.

Now that it's here... I don't know. It doesn't feel like a party. It feels lonely, to be honest. And I hate, for the sake of my needing a separate-from-Mommy identity, that it doesn't feel happy or relieving instead. Basically I'm sad that I'm sad. What the what, Erin.

And the identity changes get more complicated:

Now with Nathan starting kindergarten, it also feels like the End of an Era. I quit my job to be a stay at home mom "til the kids were in school" -- so now, even with two other babies still at home, I'm scared to feel his daily absence too acutely. I mean, this is it. He's in school every day. From now til college. My SAHM time with him... done. I don't get to prolong it or do it over or do it differently. Did I do it well enough? As well as I wanted to? As well as I thought I would? 

The questions I'm scared to let myself think too hard on.

And sweet Anneliese, stubborn and naughty and utterly unfazed by consequences, is also complicating those feelings of mommyhood success. I don't know what to do with that child these days. She confounds me. After all these years of having nothing on my agenda except learning to parent well, she still kicks my ass way too often. Downright cheerful in her defiance. I just... I don't know.

I never wanted to be That Mom whose whole self and world was swallowed up by my children, but the reality is raising these kids is what I do, it's the most important thing I do, and it consumes the largest portion of my brain and my energy and my time. Being a mom of babies has been part of my identity, the main part of my identity, for a long long time. (SIX! YEARS!) And now it's changing. My children need me in different ways. It feels strange. 

And somehow it's changing how I think about myself. 

Most days I don't know what to feel about that. 

Not yet anyway.