Disappointed (Crushed, Infuriated)

We lost the new house.

Someone else made an offer (a better offer) that somehow made it through to the bank.  This, despite the fact that our offer was under contract, and that the bank had given us the ok on moving towards a closing date, and even a time frame (sixty days) that they'd need to get the papers in order on their end.  So, they said thanks but no thanks, and suddenly the house got yanked out from under us.

We were totally blindsided.

We always knew in a situation like this (a short sale), that nothing was final until closing.  The bank could walk away at any point (so could we, for that matter).  But to lose the house on these terms?  Because someone didn't really play by the rules?  Because the bank refused to negotiate with us in good faith before rejecting our offer in favor of another, like they're supposed to?  We were shocked. 

What's the point of making an offer, having it accepted and under contract, and moving towards closing, if someone else can just swoop in at the last minute, decide they want it -- even though it's not technically even for sale anymore -- and somehow we lose the option even to fight for it?  How is the house we have under contract somehow suddenly on an auction block for anyone to come buy, while the bank sits on our offer and earns interest on our earnest money?  How is that even a little bit okay?

And most infuriating is there's not a damned thing we can do about it.

The bank was accepting enough of our offer to tell us to hire an attorney for the title transfer, and they approved the closing date.  We got approved and filled out papers for our mortgage.  We paid an architect to start drawing up plans in order to get a detailed estimate from the contractor for our renovation, so that we could close the loan on time.

We spent hours in that house (so did our contractor and architect, for the record).  We explored all over it, creatively reconfiguring it to be exactly what we wanted.  We sat on the deck and admired our lot.  We let the kids crawl all over the place.  We told Nathan we were going to live there soon (he called it the empty house).  We did that foolish thing where we let ourselves imagine raising our family there.  Making a brilliant investment with near-instant equity once the renovation was complete.  We were recklessly hopeful. 

And now we're disappointed.  No, not disappointed.  Crushed.  Those of you who reacted to our original house news with hesitation (this is sudden! where's this coming from? we didn't even know you wanted to move! how can you go from such a terrible month to being so elated just because of a new property? you know these short sales are unpredictable, so don't put too much stock into this house just yet, ok?) were right.  We got in over our heads.

But I should explain. 

First - it wasn't as sudden as it seems; Mark had been eyeballing options on new properties for months.  I was reluctant at first, mostly because I'm (I'll say it again) foolishly sentimental and was having trouble letting go of the idea of the house we live in now -- the first one we owned, the first place my babies called home, the one that's laid out so well for how our family operates, the one with so many happy memories.  But, I came around.  (The burglary also violated my sense of home more than I thought it would or could.)

Second - we weren't moving just to move.  We were moving because we found the right house, in the right neighborhood, at the right price, with enough left in our budget for lots and lots of renovating so that it would be exactly what we wanted it to be (or pretty close anyway). 

We were borderline giddy with excitement.  And now we're sort of numb.  And therefore also immobile.

Do we keep our current house on the market, since everything has already been put in motion, and we know we don't want to stay in this neighborhood long-term anyway?  Do we make a concerted effort to find a new property, and try to move quickly on it?  Do we just bide our time and wait and see what comes available?  Now that we've latched onto the idea of building/renovating, do we buy some land and sit on it for a while so we can take our time deciding?  Do we abandon the whole process altogether, since we were perfectly happy in our current house before this other one came along anyway?

I don't know.

I do know that it will be ok no matter what happens.  It's just a house.  A building. There are lots of buildings out there that could shelter our family wonderfully.  Either we will fall in love with something else and we will move, or we will stay in this house, the one we already love, for a while longer.  I've had to remind myself of that (and have some friends remind me of that) multiple times over the last week, but in my heart of hearts, I know it's true.

I'm all cried out about this, and I'm ready to be done with it.  So, as disappointed as we are about losing the house, we are ready to be hopeful and optimistic about what comes next.  Farewell, Brook Run house.  You were a roller coaster of a pipe dream, but it's time for us to move on and enjoy whatever else the coming months have in store for our family.

Tree Day!

Today is one of my favorite days of the year: the day we pick and decorate our Christmas tree!  (And hang stockings and lights and garland and all that.  But mostly it's about the tree.) 

We went to the farmer's market this morning and picked one out with the same farmer we buy from every year.  Anneliese had fun exploring the trees too.   Yes, we totally let our daughter crawl around in parking lots, don't you?

Your daily Anneliese: choosing a tree!

We spent the afternoon letting our ornaments take us down memory lane, drinking from warm mugs, listening to festive music, reading our newly unpacked Christmas books, and reacting to lots and lots of staring (Anneliese), asking about (Nathan), and pointing at (both) the tree with all its lights and decorations.

I have to say, both of my kids seem to be inheriting my Love of Tree, and I couldn't be more pleased.

My house officially looks (and smells) like Christmas!

Happy 30th, Mark

Hey Mark.  Guess what?  It's your birthday. You're thirty now too, which means you have to stop giving me grief about it.

Right now you're napping on the couch next to me.  Let the internet record show that you're definitely not snoring, and it's definitely not loud enough to drown out the football game on tv that I don't want to watch anyway but am too lazy to shove you to find the remote and mute, because you never snore.  Never.  For the record.  ;)

I want to write a special blog post about you and shout from the mountaintops how much I love you.  But how?  In a list?  Did that.  Maybe twice.  A picture of the cake Nathan and I made you?  Well, maybe... as cute as his decorating ideas were, I'm not sure it says exactly what I want to say.  (Especially now that we know what it tastes like.  Ahem.)A mushy love letter? So not your thing.  (Or mine, really.) A picture of the new and fancy expensive present I bought you?  Ummm. Stay tuned. ;)  So I'm going with a simple statement of love and appreciation.  Here goes:

You're awesome.  You're smarter and more mature at thirty than many men are at sixty.  I love that you continue to impress me about that.  I'm grateful for your patience in leading our family.  I'm honored to be your wife.  And I love you.  Know how much?  Thirty two times infinity.  (Yeah, I said it.) I love you.

I hope your next thirty years are even better than your first thirty.  Happy Birthday, my Marky.

Gryffindors, (Not) Old and Young

By popular(ish) demand, a picture of me dressed and ready to go before last week's Harry Potter movie. (Also, my new glasses, since I never did a bloggity follow-up on that.)

Heck yeah I'd be an awesome wizard.  And again, I'm so not too old for this.

As a bonus, two more future Gryffindors:

Don't judge me if I'm seeing the movie again tomorrow as part of Mark's birthday date, mmkay?

Shout-out to Ryan, who knitted our Gryffindor scarf and probably had no idea it would end up spanning the generations!

Thanksgiving in Lake Wateree

We went down to Mark's dad's house near Camden, SC, for Thanksgiving this year.  Opa and Oma were so happy because it's really rare to have the family together like this.  Especially with all three grandbabies!  We consider ourselves really lucky if work schedules allow it to happen even once a year.

Mark and me (and Nathan and Anneliese)
Emily and Trey (and Jeb)
Nick and Barbara
Opa and Oma

Our visit was full of food and trucks and books and snuggling and... cousins!  This picture of Nathan and Jeb makes my heart melt a little.

And one more, because Opa and Oma were just so happy to be with all their grandbabies at once.  :)

Now that we're home and getting re-settled (read: Mark is dealing with fussy kiddos who didn't nap well in the car), I'm off for some hours-belated Black Friday shopping!!

For more pics of our Thanksgiving, click here (yes, we have finally joined the flikr revolution).

Thankful

I was driving home from an airport playdate earlier this week when I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw just about the best thing you could possibly see when looking in a rearview mirror*...

It was a welcome and precious sight, in the midst of what's been kind of a hard week for me.  These two beautiful siblings, heads turned sideways, thumbs at the ready, clearly more alike than they are different.

They were given to us for the task of loving and raising, given to us to comfort when things hurt, given to us to be the recipients of their hugs and kisses and squealed mamas and daddys.  Out of everyone on the planet, God chose us to be the parents for these kids.  I'm ashamed sometimes of how disappointed I feel when I don't get the even more that I'm audacious enough to ask for.  Loving these two most awesome of kiddos is enough.  No, not just enough... amazing.  Everything else is just... else.  I want to focus on being thankful for the things in my life that are really great... and there are many.

Perspective: I needs it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

*Yes, Anneliese is now riding facing forward like the big girl that she almost is.
*Yes, Nathan is snuggling with a toy semi truck named Mack. You needed to ask?
*Yes, my car is always this clean (ahem).
*Yes, I took this picture while driving.  Do not judge me.  The moment needed capturing!

Waiting

This is a sweet sight I'm glad I caught on camera while we're still in this house.  How many hours has Nathan spent sitting patiently (or notsomuch) waiting for an arrival?  More than I can count.

Your daily Nathan: Waiting

(An earlier manifestation, Simon by his side, is here.)

Most evenings he's waiting for Daddy; in the picture above it's Another Nathan.  Frequently when he knows someone he loves is on the way to see him or talk to him or play with him, he'll want to watch out for them. 

And as sweet as it looks from inside the house, I bet it's even better for whoever pulls into the driveway with his little face grinning from the doorway.  :)

It's Called FALL for a Reason

Mark's least favorite household chore is raking leaves.  I don't know why.  He will gladly do dishes and fold laundry (and spray diapers!) and trim hedges and take out garbage, but for some reason, raking the leaves really just makes him frustrated and tense.

(Clearly someone's parents didn't let someone jump and roll in big piles of leaves as a child. Fun haters. Yeah I said it.)

He dreads it enough that most years he borrows our neighbor's leaf blower* (my least favorite yard tool, by the way -- few things are more grating to my ears than someone blowing leaves or grass for hours on end especially all afternoon on Thanksgiving just sayin') to make the task a little more manageable.  Which is what he did yesterday. 

He spent all morning on his day off doing his least favorite household chore, so that our yard would not be covered in leaves.  Now, less than twenty-four hours later:

Yeah.  FAIL.

Seriously, how did all those leaves fall in less than a day?  Less than a day!!  Of course he cleaned up leaves right before the windiest day of our whole autumn.  Of course.  To avoid kicking him while he's down, I won't include the second shot I took, which shows part of my neighbor's remarkably-still-leaf-free yard.  Apparently the wind only blows leaves on our side of the property line.

He's at work right now and has no idea the yard looks like this.  Well, til I hit publish and he finds out... via the internet.  (It's the best way to communicate news with family members, right mom???**)

Cue Mark groaning, sighing and slamming his fist on the desk in 3... 2... 1...

*Note to Marmie -- not a hint at a Christmas idea.  Please.  No matter what Mark tells you. ;)

**That's for anyone who temporarily forgot that I found out about Marmie getting a tattoo on facebook.

Teenage Wizards at the Movies

Friday night I got dressed in my Gryffindor t-shirt and choir wizard robe and joined a group of teenagers to see the new Harry Potter movie.  You know you're jealous.

Grace Like Rain at Harry Potter 7, Part 1

And no, I am not too old for that kind of thing.

Ok, I kind of am.  But Another Nathan invited me to be an advisor for his youth choir's outing to the movies, so...  an excuse to dress up and be silly and watch an awesome movie with a group of people who are equally as even more excited about it than I am?  Ummm yes please.  So, age aside, I did it anyway.  And totally should have taken more pictures as photographic proof of my not-too-old-ness.

And it was exactly as fun as I hoped it would be!  Don't get me wrong, it was also twelve times more exhausting (our outing took more than six hours including dinner and waiting in line for the movie)... but oh so fun! 

Lovely youth choir gals waiting in line for the movie

Almost as fun as the awesome group I saw the midnight premiere of the very first movie with when I was in college.  Back when I for sure wasn't too old for it.

Furman friends at Harry Potter 1 (2001)

And the movie was just awesome enough that I'll probably see it again before the month is out.  Happy HP weekend!!

Big-Girl... Crib?

Today, at the ripe old age of thirteen months, we finally lowered Anneliese down past the newborn setting on her crib.  She's rolling, she's sitting, she's crawling... pulling up could happen any day now.  Right?  Right?

She started the day in her crib how it's been since I nested her room into perfection before she was born.

But come naptime, the mattress was lowered and the bed skirt and bumper pads are gone.  It's like... a big-girl crib.  Is that an oxymoron?  Is there such a thing as a big girl crib?

The jury's still out on how she feels about the change.

Every time I turn around, Anneliese seems farther away from being the baby.  I can't tell if I'm handling it well.  I do know this: on some level I'm secretly glad she's a little delayed on hitting milestones.  A kid who grows up too fast would be harder for me than one who does it too slowly, I think. That might be more than I could handle.  You think God knows that?

Happy big-girl crib, Anneliese.  Yep, I decided it's a thing.  :)

Diaper Sprayer, How I Love Thee

You know what the worst part of having two out of three bathrooms (plus an entire floor of our house) out of commission for a month was? 

Not the tripping over furniture, not the racing upstairs every time Nathan needed to potty, not all the skipped baths because it wasn't worth the hassle of migrating to the master, not the lack of quiet playspace, not the fact that our office was basically our couch, not the missing guest room which meant Mark had to sleep in our bedroom during night shift and be woken up by kids and dogs all the time.

Nope.

All of that stuff sucked.  But the suckiest part was having to take poopy diapers upstairs to the master bath, only mediocrely (it's a word, just go with it) dunk them for cleaning, and then take them back down to the wet bag in the laundry room.

I missed my diaper sprayer so so much!

And now that I have the kids' bathroom back, and I can spray dirty diapers again, it's like a liberating joyful clean poop-free treat every time I get to do it.  (You're judging me a little for saying that, but it's ok.  You just... you don't even know.)

Let the record show: Daddy sprays diapers too!

It's the small things, you know?  Three cheers for no more construction (for now)!!

We So Classy

A couple of weeks ago, Mark's dad came up and met us for lunch with the kids and Uncle Nick.  We ate and then had fun playing in a grassy (dirty) area near the restaurant while we let the kids sort through their Halloween gift bags from Opa and Oma.

And then Nathan had to pee.

Your daily Nathan: yeah we're a classy bunch

Yep, we've joined the ranks of people who let our kid pee on the side of the road.  Or the yard.  Or in parking lots.  Judge away, but when he has to go, he has to go.  (This isn't the first time it's happened.)

I'm not sure Opa and Anneliese really approve.

This was normal when I was growing up (at least in my little Bumgarner circle), but it seems lots more people frown on it now.  We're not the only family who still does this, right?

13 on the 13th

[Edit 11/19 -- it's been one of Those Weeks. Hence the delay in adding pics to posts and hitting publish. Yes, we're all fine. :) ]

Anneliese is 13 months old on the 13th. 

I remember not wanting her to be born on the 13th, since I cringed at the idea of a Friday the 13th birthday (I don't know why; I'm not superstitious, it just wasn't my first choice of birthdays and apparently none of yours either).

But because my Grandpa Schnack loved the number 13 and thought it was lucky...

And because 13 months is a big age in my mind (I was 13 months old when Ashley was born... which is unfathomable to me now, holding what is very much still a 13-month old baby)...

And because I've been accused once or twice (and again very recently) of loving and celebrating what, to some people, are arbitrary dates and milestones...

I'm calling today notable.

So here's* Anneliese, 13 months old and cute as ever.

*Thanks for the picture and the shopping trip, Mary!

Must Have Been Quite a Snack

I think it's some sort of requirement for every baby to do this at some point in infancy or toddlerhood.

Your daily Anneliese -- asleep in the high chair

Between this post and today's, I fear I might be giving the impression that Anneliese will nap anywhere.  Totally not true.  Just need to set the record straight there.  She's a little more flexible than Nathan, but she's pretty much a car and crib sleeper, and that's it.  (Which is why I always take a picture when it happens anywhere else.)

For Sale

This is weird.

And since I'm still processing how it feels, I don't know what else to say about it just yet.

Weird.

Decluttering

Pretty much every spare hour in the last two weeks has been spent on house stuff.  We've been trying to declutter and de-Goettsch everything because it's going to be on the market in two days. 

We've been cleaning.  We've hauled multiple carloads to the attic of some friends.  We've empties shelves and removed furniture.  The repairs from the flooded potty (and its aftermath of soggy destruction) are almost done. 

Our house indeed feels more spacious with so much less stuff in it, but frankly, it's been kind of an exhausting process, both physically (so much work to do! so many boxes to haul!) and emotionally (when will I see this stuff again?  when I open these boxes, will it seem like part of a former life? it's hard to pack stuff up when we're unsure of how the timeline will fold out).  Despite  all that, it feels pretty good to purge and organize and let myself feel hopeful about our family's next chapter.  

Your daily Anneliese - snoozing through the decluttering


When the For Sale sign is actually in the yard, when these boxes aren't just for decluttering but are for moving, I might freak out.  For now, I'm still mostly excited.  Even if Anneliese is totally over it already.  :)

Death Valley Whirlwind

We made a trek down to Clemson this weekend to see the football game against NC State.  We brought along some State-fan friends from church, and it was a jolly good little road trip, even though it was kind of a whirlwind to get there and back in about twenty-four hours.

Clemson is always a fun place for me, because Mark just loves it there so much.  He kind of can't stop smiling.  We like to call Clemson his happy place.  :)

We all had so much fun laughing and hanging out together!  (For me, the game itself is definitely secondary to that.) Natalie and Kyle are fun and easy people to hang out with (good thing, since we spent ten plus hours riding in their car), and of course in these parts we're already big fans of Another Nathan too.

It was fun to share our* old stomping grounds with friends. Like Mark and me, Natalie went to college in South Carolina, but she had Kyle had never been to a game in Clemson before.  And this was the first time Another Nathan had ever been to South Carolina at all.  He said he had never seen quite that combination of sports, patriotism and Jesus. Yep, I'd say that about sums it up.  :) 

Mark had him heavily clad in orange and by the end of the day he was cheering on the fight song with the best of them (and by the best of them, I of course mean our Nathan). And yes, he was appropriately impressed by the Gaffney peach butt, which might or might not be the thing Natalie and I were most excited to share with him on the drive down.

Mark was stressed out and yelling at the refs for a good portion of the game (yes, he's That Guy, as anyone who's been to a football game with him can easily attest) but Clemson got the win so it ended on a happy note for him.  And Natalie and Kyle were gracious good sports even after all Mark's hollering.  Yeah, they're good like that.  :)

For more pictures of our day in Death Valley, click below on Mark and me and Another Nathan wearing approximately sixteen articles of orange clothing.

by mgoetts

*Yes, I can say our; Clemson was the first place Mark and I lived after we got married, so I claim it as my own a little bit too.

Baby Girl on the Move

We've stayed within an arm's reach of the camera since Monday, because Anneliese has been so so close to crawling for the first time.  And she finally did it!


(If you can't see the embedded video, click here to watch it on youtube.)

At thirteen months, we have an officially mobile baby!  She's proud of herself and we're proud of her too.  Go Anneliese, go!

Countdown to our lives becoming exponentially more chaotic in 3... 2... 1...

Birthday Date

Right now there are about six strange men in my house, hammering and chainsawing and repairing and causing a general construction ruckus.  A couple of them are laying hardwoods.  A couple of them are putting new carpet in our guest room.  And a couple of them are rebuilding bathrooms and walls.  It's a good thing, really -- I have been waiting more than a month to have our house put back together, and I am so glad it's finally on the brink of completion.  But also, it's stressful.  In case you missed it the first time, I hate (loathe abhor) home improvement.  Especially when it's for repairs, not just upgrades.  And especially when I'm not out of town for it.

So.  We've retreated to a neighbor's house for the afternoon, where I am still in earshot of the construction but the kids can sleep peacefully.  I am thinking calm and happy thoughts.  Everything will be fine.  *Deep breath.*

Happy thought:  My birthday was fun! 

Mark got me an iPad!!!  Which is a ridiculously nice gift.  And I am ridiculously excited.  Not only might it end some of our computer bickering (yes, we share a computer, we're so two thousand and late), it's also just cool.  You know it is. 

Besides our celebration on Saturday, Mark and I also had a date on my birthday night (Monday).  We took advantage of a gift card to the Melting Pot (thanks Dad!)... it was delicious and we had such a good table.  A cozy corner booth for two, at the back of a room.  The only other person we ever saw was our server.  Also it had a curtain that pulled closed to be even more secluded, which is kind of cheesy but also handy for making out in the restaurant (if you're into that kind of thing).  Awesome, awesome dinner.

And then we spent the night at the Carolina Inn in Chapel Hill.

It's a beautiful* hotel with gorgeous wood flooring, real furniture like four-poster beds and nice desks, and fancy bathrooms. 

I seriously love a good fancy bathroom.

It was so classy!  We were glad for a night off from parenting (thanks to Another Nathan, whose birthday gift to me was pulling his first overnight with our kids).  And this was a lovely place for a little mini-getaway. 

Happy birthday to me!

PS I mentioned the iPad, right? (!!!!)

*Forgive the photos, which were taken on my cell phone after a bottle of wine. ;)

Awkward School Photo, Version 2.0

For all that's cute about his little lip-bitten smile, there's just something awkward about those crossed legs and that backdrop.  We don't really buy school pictures, but the proofs are still worth sharing, right?

Your daily Nathan: awkward school picture!

(In case you hadn't guessed, we forgot it was picture day and didn't somuch dress him for it.  It happened in the week from hell so I don't want to hear a word about it, mmkay?) 

A Letter to My 20-Year-Old Self

Dear 20-Year-Old Erin,
You'll be come quite predictable over the next decade with your list-making and your round numbers and your unending lust for compartmentalizing portions of your life into tidy packages with no loose ends so you can have closure.  So because of that, this letter (and the list contained within it), written one day after I turn thirty, will surprise no one. 

But I am writing it anyway.

Here is a list of things (thirty things, of course) that I now know, that I wish you knew already.

1.) Don't freak out about turning twenty.  I know you think your teenage years were awesome (note: they weren't, turns out you're a big dork), but your twenties will be oh so much better.  So let go of being a teenager.  It's time to be a grownup.

2.) Stop fighting with Ashley.  You're in an awkward place now, but it will heal and the two of you will come back stronger than ever.  She's the best friend you've ever had.  And she will be again.  You'll come a little closer to seeing things the Ashley way, and she'll come a little closer to seeing things the Erin way.  So both of you need to get over it, and fast.  You're losing precious years of laughing when you choose to bicker instead.

3.) Mark loves that you're smart.  So stop worrying about him thinking you're a nerd (he knows, and he's cool with it).  He's kind of dorky too, although I know you are too love-drunk to see that now.  Just be yourself, geek and all, and don't apologize for it.

4.) Confidence is sexy.  So while you're getting over your worry about being a nerd, you might want to also stop worrying about how cute your boobs look in that bra and how your butt looks in those jeans.  (Everything's going to be shot to hell after two pregnancies and three years of breastfeeding anyway, so just rock what you've got right now, you'll never be hotter.)  Be confident, wear a smile, and know that you look just fine.  (You will have sorrier years and Mark will still want you. For realsies.) When you feel hott, you are hott.  And when you're thirty, you'll understand why you need two T's in hott: the extra one is for confidence.  (It makes sense.  It does.  Just go with it.)

5.) You're living in Germany right now, and I daresay you're not appreciating it enough.  This will turn out to be one of the highlights of the decade.  Drink in every second.  Give the Schroeters lots of extra hugs.  And don't be so scared that your German is terrible.  You're doing beautifully, and you're making your teachers and parents and host parents proud of you.  (Also, when you get deutsch-nervous, wine will always help.)

6.) Be more patient with Mark. Time for some tough love, chica.  Mark is brilliant at so much, why harp at him so much for communication not being his thing?  He can only do it as well as he's been taught, and he was taught very differently than you (word to the wise: a couple things about his way are totally better).  He will work hard, it will get easier, and most importantly, he deserves your kindness about it instead of your criticism.  You're mucking things up more than you realize, and your fights are more your own fault than you are willing to see.  He's going to make more of an effort for you than you could possibly know yet, so stop being so impatient now.

7.) When you get back from foreign study, there will be a guy named David at the end of your row in wind ensemble, with brown hair and glasses.  He will be a friend like none you've ever had before.  Don't wait weeks to figure out that he's dating your new roomie's best friend and then waste precious months resisting his attempts to befriend you. Just run up to him the first time you lay eyes on him, hug him, call him Schatzi and tell him you're his new hardcore bestie.  He will roll his eyes but he will secretly love you instantly, and will teach you oh so much about how to love thy neighbor.  (Heads up: don't tell him how much you love Survivor yet.  He needs to know you better first.  Plus, you'll get over that Survivor thing.  It will take a few years, but it will happen.)

8.) Stay up late, and sleep late, because you can.  Someday your sleep will be dictated by other forces in the universe (namely, your children), so sleep now, and sleep joyfully.  Embrace the sleep.  Appreciate the sleep.

9.) It's not about the grade; it's about the effort-to-grade ratio.  Mark is right about this.  The extra effort you're putting into that paper to get an A instead of a B isn't worth it.  No one will care in ten years.  No one will even care in one year.  Stop being a grade-grubber and go watch Bring it On again.  I promise that's more vital to your college experience.

10.) Stop feeling critical of Mom, and start taking her seriously.  She made a lot of good parenting decisions that you don't understand now, but you'll appreciate it when you become a mommy yourself.  You're going to want her and need her.  Oh, and you're going to be just like her.  So get on board.

11.) Cry.  Whenever you want.  Your crazy moods and emotions are who you are, and they're how you relate to the world.  The people who know you and love you best will accept (and expect) that kind of sappiness from you.  They don't care that you're not a pretty crier.  Don't feel like you have to suppress that part of yourself, just feel whatever you need to feel, even if it means you cry.  (But keep laughing a lot too!)

12.) The bangs? Don't grow them out.  You're going to want them back anyway.  Your forehead is too big to skip them.  Trust me on this.

13.) Go back to church.  You still talk to God all the time, you still believe everything you always did about following Jesus, so what are you doing floundering out there on your own?  You need the sense of community.  Plus it will be your only outlet for music-geek energy when you leave Furman.  Make a joyful noise already!

14.) Take guitar lessons while you're still at Furman.  You want to learn to play, and you don't want to spend the next decade wishing you had taken the lessons when it would have been so simple and easy (and when Mom and Dad would have paid for it as part of tuition), right?  Right?

15.) Put your keys in the same place every time you come home.  The sooner you pick a place and get consistent about it, the better.  Don't delay.  You and Mark will fight 50% less often (at least) if you can just keep up with your keys.  True story.

16.) When you graduate from college, there will be this website called Facebook.  Don't snub it.  Don't spend years resisting becoming a part of it, and mocking people who love it.  As with so many awesome things, resistance is futile.  Go ahead and sign up.  You will be glad you did.  It will reunite you with some cool people and respark a few real friendships. 

17.) Love on Simon a little bit extra every day.  You don't have the years and years with him you're expecting.  Make sure you give him some extra snuggles and walks and playtime in the years he has.  They will go quickly.

18.) Stop rolling your eyes at fussy toddlers in grocery stores and on planes.  You have no idea.

19.) Your family will count on you, and at times over the next decade you will need to keep it together and be strong for Dad and Mom and Ashley and Brad, each in turn.  So appreciate the ways they're taking care of you now.

20.) In a few short months, a professor will introduce you to the Oxford English Dictionary.  That course will prove to be the hardest of your collegiate career, but don't worry, you'll get the grade.  And the oed will change your life and how you feel about and approach your own language.  Mark and your family will mock you mercilessly for your oed love, but pay no matter.  Look up as many words as you can as long as you have free access.  In ten years, the computer you've been using to access Furman's membership by proxy will be stolen, and the new one's IT address won't register, and you won't be able to get ahold of Reference Steve to get you the hookup again.  (Oh yeah, and hug Reference Steve.  He'll be your favorite librarian.)

21.) Your college friends and roommates are awesome.  You will never again live in a situation with people so close by, who are so easy to talk to, who love you so much (the real you!) who are always ready to hang out or do something fun. Say yes to all those late-night Denny's study trips.  Say yes to every suggestion of rewatching When Harry Met Sally. Say yes to every Thursday night in downtown Greenville.  Enjoy your friends more, and your papers less.

22.) Mark is going to be an awesome husband. You're going to work way harder at marriage than either of you knows yet, but you're not scared of hard work, right?  He's totally worth the effort, and is every bit the amazing man you're hoping he is now. He will disappoint you on a few things, sure.  But he will impress you and love you and support you on more important things you're not even smart enough to worry about yet.  He'll be what you didn't even know to hope for in a husband. He's going to be ready for kids way before you are (a twist neither of you could possibly see coming now), but he will be patient and he won't rush you, so don't feel like you have to get ready before you really are.  Plus, you need many many years to agree on baby names.

23.) Don't be so nervous about starting a family.  Motherhood will be the most natural thing you've ever done.  Trust your instincts, and stop reading all those parenting books.  They're not helping you (or society).  You're going to be a good mommy.  When you're ready, a little baby boy will come into your life and you'll never be the same.  Don't be scared of that baby boy. (You can be scared of the labor, though. Be assertive insistent about the epidural!)

24.) When you get pregnant again, unexpectedly, try to be more joyful than fearful.  You won't be ready to feel that, but try anyway.  That pregnancy will turn into the best most beautiful child you can imagine.  And it's a girl!  You'll want a daughter so badly, and she will be everything you hoped and dreamed a daughter could be, and she will be the one who truly solidifies your place in this world as Mommy.

25.) In eight years, a guy named Nathan will take a job at your church; befriend him.  Take a moment to stop being so self-absorbed about that pregnancy you're terrified of, and welcome him.  Don't assume someone else is doing it.  He'll turn out to be a great listener and an amazing and helpful friend, and pretty much your favorite person in Raleigh (yep, you'll live in Raleigh, did I mention that?)... Don't waste that first six months he's here without getting to know him, and don't wait on Mark to invite him to dinner before reaching out on your own. He's super.

26.) Keep swimming.  You love it, and it's good for you, and it's maybe the only form of exercise that you won't feel like a doofus doing in front of other people.

27.) Love everyone, recklessly.  You will spend a healthy chunk of the next few years wrestling with guilt for loving folks whom some people would like you to believe God doesn't want you to love.  Those people are wrong.  Go ahead, talk it out, think it out, ask lots of questions and do lots of reading, but eventually please tune everyone out except God.  And love everyone.

28.) You won't believe it, but you will learn to feel cute in your glasses.  There will come a day when you have to pay for your own contacts, and you'll find you can't afford them if you also want groceries.  So after a decade of hating your specs, you will start wearing them on an everyday (in public!) basis.  And you'll discover it suits your personality better anyway. 

29.) Don't let "but it's hard" be an excuse for not getting things done and done well.  Sometimes things are hard, and you still have to do them.  You should still want to do them.  They will be worth the effort.  Don't believe people who say "it shouldn't have to be this hard."  Yes, sometimes it does.  You are so much more capable than you know, and you can totally do it.

30.) Don't be in too much of a rush.  As nervous as you are now about entering your twenties, they will go by fast.  You don't have to do everything right away.  The years are fast, so let the hours and days be slow.  Enjoy them for what they are.  Stop being in such a hurry all the time, and live in the now.  You'll be thirty before you know it.

L,E