2015: We Walked on a Frozen Lake So Nothing Else Even Matters

{I wrote this on New Year's Eve, but I was in a funk and never posted it, so it's getting posted months later and I'm not that sorry. Happy New Year! ish? I guess?}

What did you do in 2015 that you'd never done before?
     We walked on a frozen lake! We were terrified and amazed! (Yes really, just ask Tinytown Sarah and her husband.)

So basically this was on January 2nd and we might as well have called 2015 a wrap after that, but I did some other new things too, like:
- drove halfway across the country with all three children, and back by myself with them!
- listened to audiobooks 
- got progressive lenses for my old lady eyes
- spent the night in a hotel room for no reason other than alone time (was glorious)

How did you spend New Year's Eve? 
     Sadly we did not get together with David and Another Nathan as we have for many years, since Clemson finally made it to the national championship game (go Tigers?) and Mark and I have had a long understanding that when/if this moment came, he would go. And he's going! To Phoenix, next week.
     Which means this weekend, we are home in Raleigh. We took the kids downtown to one of his company's office buildings for a 7pm "family hour" ringing in of the new year with fireworks. Now I'm fiddling on the computer and maybe we will watch a movie or new years rockin dicken clarken whatever at midnight. Woo!

Did you keep last year's resolutions, and will you make more for this year?
     Last year, I said I wanted to get a real job this year. And I did! I took a copywriting job earlier this fall and I hated it and resigned within six weeks, and then an opportunity came up to do similar work to what I did before the girls were born (a sales job, travel, in the non-profit sector, negotiating contracts with airlines and vendors for people doing mission trips, disaster relief, service work, humanitarian aid, etc). So far it's going okay but it's very new. 
     This year's resolution is but one: find the balance at home. With our jobs and our marriage and parenting and and and, we have been in upheavel/transition since Mark started his new job almost two years ago, and it will break us if we can't find the balance. FIND THE BALANCE. 

How old were you on your birthday, and what did you do? 
     I turned 35, and it was a fun lovely day. We went to worship as a family, and Nathan did his first communion that morning. Then Mark and I had a nice dinner date while Another Nathan was in the air flying down to see me after his own worky Sunday, and made me my most favorite birthday peanut butter pie. I ended the day feeling happy and so loved. Mark and I had a great visit with him that week.

Where did you travel? 
     We took a HUGE family road trip across eleven states and 17 days, and it was wonderful. Mark and I also went to Mexico for a fantastic kid-free getaway. And I went to Seattle in April and got lovedrunk on friend time! Oh, and a girls weekend for the Hoopla in Illinois in September, and a road trip to see my brother near Savannah that month too!

What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015? 
     Balance and heart-shaped feelings on the home front. A fancy new master bath. Jeans that I love. A pretty laptop bag. Sleep, all the sleep.

What would you like less of in 2016? 
     Upheaval at home. 

What dates from 2015 will remain etched in your memory? 
     March 20th, when my newest baby nephew Everett was born. July 30th, when we embarked on our road trip. November 30th, when I started back to work.

Whose behavior merited celebration? 
     At the top of the list, my dad, who becomes a better and better human with each passing year. He came to our house and lived here for a week so we could go to Mexico! He did all the things! ALL THE THINGS. 

I don't know very many (read: any) other grandpas who would single-dad three kids in two different schools for a week, alone. He is wonderful for that and a million other things, but that one is fresh on my mind tonight.

Whose behavior appalled you? 
     (Hmmm, a blog-palatable answer? *side eye*) People who push a pumpkin agenda in August.

Who did you miss? 
     My Grandpa Bumgarner, who died in June. His big 90th birthday celebration we had planned that month didn't get to happen. Suddenly I miss all my grandparents. I officially have no grandparents, and it's weird and sad. Another generation, passing on. 

Who is the best new person you met? 
     Everett! Look how sweet he is! 

What was your favorite show? 
     Frasier. Oh hush, you're not too good for Frasier. Knowing I was going to Seattle in April, I watched the whole series starting last winter. I don't watch a ton of TV so it took me most of the year, but I love it and I'm not sorry. Mark and I also cried like babies at the Parenthood finale, and we still like watching The Mindy Project together. Also! Kimmy Schmidt is pretty darn funny.

What was your favorite book this year? 
     I read A Little Life, by Hanya Yanagihara, and it was amazing. Really troubling content, told deeply and beautifully. This is a lifetime best book for me. I also really loved Lila by Marilynne Robinson, and I'll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson. 

What was your favorite movie? 
     Okay this will sound dumb, but Trainwreck. It's funny, it's sassy, it's sweet, and it has THE MOST satisfying end to a raunchy romcom I can ever remember seeing. It's an easy fun movie. Watch it. You're not too good for Trainwreck either. I promise.

What was your biggest achievement in 2015? 
     Oh lawd I don't know if I ever achieve anything that's worth anything, but I did spend some time this year sewing felt into delightful objects, like these cupcakes and this penguin. Totally counts as an achievement, by my math.

Your biggest failure? 
     I remain sleep broken, although there is a new kind of med on the market that works by dampening the awake part of your brain (instead of activating the drowsy part) (yes, those are two different things) and so maybe I'm improving little by little? But mostly I just can't ever sleep well and it suuuuucks to be a sleep failure. Coffee me.

Where did most of your money go? 
     Medical bills, mortgage, taxes, school tuition, Starbucks, plane tickets.

What was the best thing you bought? 
     Plane tickets, to see friends and have getaways in various places around the country. Getting away and outside of my real life and the routine is kind of a pain for planning, but is absolutely worth the effort and expense. It's so much easier to come back to real life if you've had a mental break to fill up on rest and friendship (or romance)!
     Also a new computer! Our broken B key finally found its inner channel to Satan himself, and wouldn't stop typing, so it was like bbbbBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbBBBBBBB and you couldn't even, like, reboot it or turn off the keyboard before it was accidentally overwhelming the laptop with BBBBbbbbbbBBBBB commands. It was terrible. Of all the things to crash a computer! Anyway we have a new one and I can type just one B now. See? b
     Also I bought this airplane bag. You need a fun airplane bag. Trust.

What political issue stirred you the most? 
     Marriage equality. It finally happened. What relief and joy! I cried real tears.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year? 
     I have no fashion concept but this year I did dye part of the underside of my hair teal, and I freaking love it. It's subtle when my hair is down, and fun when it's up (most of the time) and it just makes me happy. 

What was great this year when you weren't expecting it? 
     Giving the kids an allowance. I thought this would be a pain but was a necessary Learning Thing, but it turns out it's adorable to let them shop for things themselves when they have a finite limit of what they can get (and therefore what they ask me for), and it's kind of the best.

What did you get really really excited about? 
     Seattle! Winter was long and tedious and icy, with all four kids (including Ali) and I so needed that break in April. I read all the guidebooks and counted down the days, and it was just a wonderful time away with friends.

What song will always remind you of 2015? 
     Shut Up and Dance. Remember when someone made this amazing compilation video of cuts of famous movie dance scenes? That sold me, and I didn't mind hearing it on the radio all summer after that, including a new energizer at Montreat involving moon boots (and a choral version under a sermon that delighted me!) - it's a fun song in any format.  

What kept you sane? 
     Sunshine breaks, group texting, phone dates, coffee, kiddie snuggles, getaways, medication, therapy, and hahahahaha okay I'm not sane y'all. But lets pretend all these things mostly worked, kinda, maybe.

What valuable lesson did you learn this year? 
     I have none smart thoughtful takeaways about this year or life right now. I just don't, We did learn, though, that New Year's Eve without our favorite NYE buddies makes us sadder than we thought and let's not do that again if we can help it.

(Charlotte's biggest achievement of 2015 is her angry eyebrows. Girl's mad face is ON POINT. Happy New Year, etc.)

My Grandpa B

My Grandpa Bumgarner would have been ninety today. He died several weeks ago, after a very fast illness and an emotional move to a hospice unit, and everyone racing to Charlotte to say goodbye while he was in good spirits. He was, and we did, and I will always be grateful for that; it's something I didn't get with any of my other grandparents.

I have been short on words about all of this in the last few weeks, but some nice things were said on facebook and instagram and at his service. It has been nice to feel close to my family and sit in this together.

Grandpa was special to all of us. He was a get-down-on-the-floor-and-play kind of grandpa, he loved babies (maybe because he couldn't hear well) (ha) (can we joke yet? say yes) and he loved Anneliese especially, because she's the first one who would happily run to him for a hug on request. He always kept a fridge full of mountain dew and he made the best egg salad ever. He ate cookies and ice cream every night. 

He was a kind stand-in grandparent for Marky, who adored him. He read every word of this blog, on paper that my dad printed and brought to his house, and he liked to tell me he never knew what the hell I was talking about. :) He fought at Iwo Jima and lost friends and was brave when he should have still been a child. He was funny and southern and loyal and worked his ass off.

We loved him, and we miss him. Happy birthday, Grandpa.

Lasts and Library and Church and Feelings: Summer Begins!

Occupying my brain space this week:

1.) Nathan has learned to do some farting noise thing with his hand and his knee-pit, and it is making me batty.

2.) Mark and the girls have been doing random dance parties in the living room the last couple evenings, and the most recent version seemed to be Ace of Base. Everyone should be so lucky as to have a co-parent who helps teach children the important things in life. (I'm being absolutely sincere.) (Picture me with heart shapes in my eyes.)

3.) Our public library has had a long-standing policy that your fines will max out at $10. Like, however much you owe, $10 will clear it all out. So for years, I have just... left it at $10. I don't pay it, they never ask, and it never gets higher, even when I keep books out overdue. (Yes, I know, I am terrible, shut up.) So anyway they just re-did their website, and I logged in to request a book, and suddenly I owe like... a lot more than $10. What happened? Did the policy change, or just the website? I'm skeered. (Update: just the website changed. I paid the whole giant debt with $10. And yes I paid it because I decided I feel bad about it.)

4.) I have hard church feelings. There's not a one-sentence way to boil it down, but maybe... feeling unsettled in what place I have right now? Anyway. I am taking a tiny break from choir, partly to avoid some toxic people and feelings (which usually I am great at avoiding and handing out grace as I pass by, but these days feels hard), but mostly so I can go worship with my family, in the pews, without dragging them into the chancel with me (which they do, gladly, but it has started to feel complicated) -- and thus try to reframe church from being a thing that mom and dad need to go to, where they get dragged along, and back into a place that's also for them, where they are wanted and needed and valued and belong in their own right. It has gotten out of balance.

5.) Last week was a horrible sad time with my family, and we will be burying my Grandpa this weekend. He was old but it was also fast, and I feel exhausted of the emails and planning and I need some room for my sadness, and I will have more to say about him and his life later, but now I don't have the bandwidth for real words about it. We miss him. It sucks. He was wonderful. He was my last surviving grandparent. He was a good man, in the least trite way one could possible use those words.

6.) Last week I had my last day with Ali. (Well, not my last day. She is still my niece and she better come over here and swim every weekend so I can see her.) But my last day as her daytime caregiver. It has been a heck of a year juggling four kids but most days I think I did it well, and I will have a bond with her forever because of it, I hope. She is a funny sweet energetic bright-eyed little girl, and it has been an honor to be amongst the first humans on earth to truly know her, and love her. I am also glad for the empty summer stretching before us, with lots of time for the kids before Anneliese starts her school years and I go back to work. It's both/and.

7.) Speaking of last days, Nathan had his last day of school yesterday and he is done with second grade and he is still so tiny and still my baby and what is even happening?? On Friday they did a "wax museum" biography project where they dressed up as a person from history and gave little prepared speech about them. Nathan was Walt Disney and he was ADORABLE.

Walt Disney and George Washington were great friends, didn't you know?

Christmas Grand Tour, (Mostly Consumerist) Highlights

A crazy Christmas whirlwind, in pictures:

1.) My mom showed up with a Rainbow Brite for Anneliese, and raise your hand if you almost just passed out from jealousy reading that sentence because I totally did.

Anneliese happily strapped her on (the doll is also a backpack, because why not?) and has barely put her down, despite not knowing exactly who Rainbow Brite even was (at first) -- but now that we have read a few books and streamed the 1985 movie (y'all! AMAZON HAS EVERYTHING) she is alllll in: A smart girl with a messy ponytail who runs fast and rides a unicorn with a colorful tail, and whose sidekick is basically a stuffed animal, all while wearing a million rainbows (even leg warmers!) and trying to save the world from being boring and colorless? Just close your eyes and try to imagine anything more Anneliese. See, you can't. She might be Rainbow Brite incarnate. Just throwing a theory out there.

2.) She is also now the proud owner of a glow pet (like every other child in America, apparently) and it is the most tackytastic thing I have ever seen. It is a stuffed animal, that like... unfolds into a pillow? And also glows. 

3.) Nathan got a rainbow loom and he is rainbow looming the crap out of everything (and it takes less and less help from me, which is lovely). These are his first three bracelets: one for him to match his PJs, one for Anneliese, one for Marmie.

4.) My grandpa got out of the hospital (pneumonia) on the morning of our Bumgarner family Christmas, just in time to feed Charlotte a giant bowl of cheesecake and ice cream while she gazed at him adoringly (of course). Yes, that is a cookie in her other hand.

5.) And then in her cake daze, she decided this was a hat. "It's a hat! I found it!" 

6.) My dad got Nathan a Rubik's cube, and much like the puzzles of last year, once he opened it, he was lost to it all afternoon. He also took it to bed.

(He still has not solved it. I know one of you will ask. I am smiling an amused smile at you. Okkkay. No.)

7.) Uncle Sean gave Anneliese a plastic wand with a ribbon on it, and let me tell you, that thing is Christmas GOLD. She has hardly put it down.

I kept joking that she is starting a ribbon ministry and interested applicants should talk to her. (There is a ministry for everything.) (There should not be a ministry for everything.)

8.) Winter coat, socks, no pants: this is the outfit of a child who slipped in a LOT of dog poop at her Aunt Ashley's house. (Five short hours before her big brother did the same thing at Grandpa's neighbor's house. Fourth day of Christmas = dog poop day. You heard it from the Bumgarners first.)

9.) We got Mark's mom a cruiser bike (her new house is near a greenway, and she is Dutch so her brain is probably riding a bike 85% of the time anyway, right?) and y'all, she was so legit excited she just hopped on it right that second and rode up and down the street, waving, while the kids chased and cheered. Maaaaaaybe the best moment of Christmas.

10.) Anneliese got fairy wings. She has asked for them a hundred million times in the last six months, and Grandma found rainbow ones. She wore them to climb on Grandma's new bike. As you do.

11.) All three of my kids now own Devices. There will be firm limits of usage of said Devices, but I am not sure yet exactly what those firm limits will be. For now, the Devices are unlimited Christmas break fun.

(If you're curious, the Devices are LeapPads, they are sturdy and super easy to use, and seem to have lots of games and such available.) They were all very wide-eyed at Opa and Oma's house when they opened these.

12.) We got to use Dad's house as our home base this week for bouncing between relatives' houses in the greater (greater greater) Charlotte area. And we had it to ourselves after he left town (he was on a cruise) (having his house all to ourselves was lovely enough to ease the jealousy of his cruise) (also we ordered a pay per view movie, so) which was hella easy and nice. We spread out ourselves and our kids, Anneliese had the middlest baby honor of getting Grandpa's big bed all to herself, we got pizza from an old high school haunt, and I had a lovely bath. 

(Charlotte and me at Dad's house, taking our selfies instead of going to bed.)

Oh! And I got all four kids to look at the camera at the same time, so I am pretty sure I deserve a medal. 

And that's how you do six Christmases in five days, Boom. (Hashtag exhausted.) Tomorrow Mark and I go home for a few days to ourslves, while the kids ring in the new year here. Christmas travels, the end.

Five Christmases in Five Days

Merry Christmas! Yeah yeah yeah. It was a month ago. But who's counting? We can still talk about the holidays, right?

Our usual rush of family visits was somewhat lightened this year because Mark was off work the whole week following Christmas. I mean, it was still five celebrations in five days, but believe me, that is less busy or stressful than some years past. And if you want to get all liturgical semantic (of course you do), we're supposed to celebrate for twelve days anyway. So basically five is easy.

FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS: At home with our babies and coffee and stockings and looking through what Santa brought (this year: a lego table for Nathan, a doll crib for Anneliese, and a push cart full of groceries for Charlotte). Oh and takeout Chinese. Because we're Jewish wannabes? (Nah, because last year I ruined the roast beast so I didn't even attempt anything this time.)

SECOND DAY OF CHRISTMAS: In Huntersville, at my dad's house. With three siblings missing this year, sadly (Ashley's family was sick, Collin was working, and Brad has that whole pesky living in the virgin islands thing). But all the normal Bumgarner stuff went down properly: Sean brought present wrapped in Bieber paper, my Grandpa snuggled with the kids so hard he fell asleep on the couch, my dad immersed himself in kiddie activities like puzzles and coloring, and of course it's not a Bumgarner Christmas til someone gets defensive and says third cousins don't count! Ahem.

THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS: In Huntersville, with Mark's mom. Y'all, this is what Christmas is supposed to be like. Simple and generous in the best most thoughtful kinds of ways. We ate snacks, we played with new gifts, Anneliese dressed herself as a doctor then planted herself in Uncle Nick's lap and refused to leave his side (you know, like you do). Very sweet evening.

FOURTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS: In Mount Holly, at my sister's new house! We opened approximately one bazillion gifts, the most bizzarre of which were a set of plastic sleds. Not one per family. One per kid. You know, because if there has ever been a child who needed a sled, it is Charlotte, the 16-month-old who can't walk and lives in North Carolina. (However, she did love sitting in it and rocking, so there's that. I guess it can be some new indoor seating for us. Good thing it's so... pretty?) Haaaaaaomg. (Love you mom.)

FIFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS: Back in Raleigh, with the very rare treat of having Mark's dad and stepmom for a visit. Charlotte made her first walking attempts, Nathan built legos with Opa, and Anneliese played with her new "computer" (leapfrog game) with Oma until they both cried from laughing.

SEVENTH THROUGH TWELFTH DAYS OF CHRISTMAS: We puttered around at home and on the playground, spent lots of time in our PJs, hit up the kids museum several times, got dressed up for a fancy new year's eve dinner downtown, made a mess of our kitchen celebrating Mr. David's birthday with cake and whiskaaaaay cocktails.

So. Merry (belated) Christmas and happy new(ish) year!

Another Charleston Wedding

We just got back from our second Charleston wedding in as many years, this one for my cousin Meredith. I only have two cousins (weird, right?) and they're both getting married this year (weirder, right?) and exactly to the day, three months apart (weird... oh you get my drift).

Anyway the whole thing was a very southern classy affair (what else would you expect from a destination wedding in Charleston?) and Meredith was a lovely bride. And one of the best things about it was having a weekend with my whole family together, even Brad. (That's never not a big deal.)

I forgot my camera and had to do the best I could with my phone (and what I could beg from my brother's iphone in any given moment), and sadly none of those include a shot of the bride and groom. Nonetheless, here are some of my favorite bride-less pics from this weekend...

My siblings and me, and all our loves. This picture makes me smile really big.

Self-pics with Grandpa. #madeyoulaugh

(And he admitted he reads every word of this blog. Twice) (Hi Grandpa. Still confuddled about my fancy phone camera? #shoutout) (That hashtag just confuddled him further. Guarantee it.)

Just breastfeeding my baby on a carriage ride in downtown historic Charleston. Nbd.

Brilliant photobomb by Ashley and John. Clearly soul mates, those two.

Ashley and me with our future sister Marija.

Mark and me, at the ceremony. I love having a hott date.

Congrats to Meredith, the new Mrs. Chapman! Don't worry dear cousin, weddings and names aside, you'll always a bit Bumgarner. And that's a good thing.

Christmas with Relatives

What's Christmas without a healthy handful of extended family gatherings, right?

Charlotte bonding with Grandma

Uncle John, cousin Liam, and Nathan with his new apron

Great-Grandpa soothes Charlotte the Christmas Elf

Reading books with Grandpa.  Always a win.

Way to go, Uncle John!

Marmie with Liam and Charlotte, the first-Christmas grandbabies!

This collection of pictures is presented as the drama-free version of our family gatherings. Just kidding, it was less chaotic than it looks.  Just kidding, it doesn't look that chaotic, so it was actually more chaotic than it looks.  But not too much drama.  Just kidding, any drama is too much drama but it's unavoidable. Just kidding, it's avoidable but only if you're robots. Just kidding, even robots have drama. Just kidding, I know nothing about robots or their drama. Just kidding, I do, but what I meant to say is Christmas was fine and wonderful and easy. Just kidding, it was fine and wonderful but not easy. Okay I'm done now. Just kidding. No just kidding, I'm really done.

Relatives make me want to say weird snl-related things.  Anyway, merry merry from our people!

Grandparents Galore

Last week we had a steady stream of visitors coming to check out our new arrival. 

For those of you keeping count at home, Nathan and Anneliese and Charlotte have four sets of grandparents.  Although it can be chaotic when it's time to arrange visits, especially around the holidays, most of the time we feel like they're pretty darned lucky to have so many relatives to love (and yes, even spoil) them, and we like being part of a big family.

Marmie (my mom) got to meet Charlotte a week ago Sunday when she brought Nathan and Anneliese back home after their week in Huntersville.

Then on Tuesday, Grandma (Mark's mom) came up and spent the night with us.  She got to finally see our new house, and meet Charlotte...

...and spend some bonding time with all three of her grandbabies.

On Thursday, Opa and Oma (Mark's dad and stepmom) drove up from South Carolina for the morning, and stayed with us for lunch.  They brought toys for big brother and big sister, and lots of hugs for new baby Charlotte.

three generations of Goettsch!

Then in a whirlwind grand finale, Grandpa and Cathy (my dad and stepmom) came to visit on Saturday, bearing barbecue and hugs...

three grandbabies and one more on the way SOON!

...and my Grandpa (who has the distinction of being the only man I know in his generation who never ever seems fazed by baby crying)... 

...and they had Ashley and John hot on their heels.

After all the chaos of the week had died down somewhat, Ashley and John managed all three babies for a few hours so Mark and I could nap.  Together.  Which sounds sweet and sappy but I don't care. It felt oh so good. 

And then they hung out with the kiddies even longer so we could have dinner, just the two of us, out of the house (gotta love the fringe benefits of a baby who learns how to take a bottle way too soon)... and I had my first post-pregnancy beer!  (Which might or might not have made me slightly drunk.  Nine booze free months means it only takes one, apparently.) 

Anyway what all that adds up to is... Ashley pretty much rocks.  And she's going to be an awesome mommy herself in a few short weeks!

For more pictures of Charlotte meeting her grandparents and relatives (and some (non-graphic, don't worry) shots of me teaching Ashley and John about breast pumps)), click here for the photobucket album.