2013: St. Croix, Montreat, Chicago, and Pleurisy

What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before? I met up with a group of friends I knew only from the internet, had a lovely weekend hanging out with them, and confirmed to myself once and for all that I was right: there is no difference between friends and internet friends. My 1999 self was very wide-eyed about the whole thing, but it was fun and funny and natural and I loved it. 

Other new things I did this year: I traveled out of the country with three small children, I battled a flea infestation in my house, I watched my sweet husband put out a fire in our kitchen, and I went to my first conference at Montreat (as a Presbyterian born and raised in North Carolina, it is a little bit shocking that it took 32 years). Oh and I got pleurisy, even though it was the year 2013 not 1813, which was officially this year's dose of what the fresh hell?!?

Did you keep last year's resolutions, and will you make more for this year? My resolutions last year were to be textier with Mark at work during the day, send more emails, and try two new recipes a month. I get a big ol' MEH on all of them. I was sometimes really good at them and sometimes really not, so I guess for most people that would be a resolution fail, but if I am better now than I was then, I am calling it a win because that is just good math.

And I am a month into 2014 and I have no new resolutions. Some years I totally care, and apparently this isn't one of them.

How did you spend Christmas NYE? Mark and I were kid-free while the babies spent a few nights with my mom, so we got to ring in the new year at a classy restaurant with friends, followed by really fun birthday/NYE champagne cocktails rimmed in frosting and sprinkles, and an upside-down Christmas tree, and New Years Rockin Dicken Clarken Eve or whatever it's called, and also our fancy steakhouse had the best celery Another Nathan has ever had, so.

What dates from 2013 will remain etched in your memory? January 29th: our plane tickets to St. Croix. June 21st: the day Mark and I celebrated ten years of marriage. July 27th: the day after Nathan's 6th birthday, when we went to Montreat together. December 23rd: when my nephew Sullivan was born.

What countries states territories did you visit? The biggest thing this year was our St. Croix trip for Brad's wedding, which I am still high on almost a year later. Not just the vacation, but my whole family of origin, together to celebrate and add Marija to our ranks. And to do it in a beautiful place with my husband and kids and best friend, encompassing the oddest blend of relaxed and chaotic I've ever experienced on a trip. I'm not sure what else a gal could want from a family vacation.

Whose behavior merited celebration? Anneliese, actually. After some terrible hard months, she has now (minus a frustrating nightly cleanup crying habit) settled into that delightful stage of being four. Four is great. Four is cheerful and independent and inquisitive and funny. Even better, four is almost five! (I have yet to encounter an age better than five. If we get to one that trumps five, I will let you know. Til then, five forever!) (Oh whoa, I just saw that last year I said it was Anneliese's behavior that appalled me. Well look at that, she turned it around.)

Whose behavior appalled you? People who still knock on doors. Ring doorbells. Show up in circumstances where that would be warranted. You know what I mean. This has become my favorite thing to hate, except I actually hate to have to hate it, because HOW IS THIS STILL A THING??

If I know you are coming, come on in. If I don't know you are coming, you fall into two groups: 1- you have a key, and can come in whenever you want (without knocking), or 2- I don't want you to come over. Solicitors are most definitely in the second group. Delivery people who knock on doors and then run back to their trucks are also in the second group. Neighbors who want to talk to us about fence fixing or hedge trimming or whether or not the city is going to build a sidewalk on our road, IN THE SECOND GROUP. 

I'm just not sure how or why it is still a culturally appropriate thing to show up at someone's house, in their space, and assume that they would stop what they are doing and deal with what you want them to deal with, on your time, when you were not invited or even necessarily welcome, and if you want them to BUY SOMETHING FROM YOU, then that is even worse because it is an egregious distortion of the appropriate consumer/provider relationship. 

Let's let 2014 be the year that we, as a society, reserve showing up unannounced at people's houses for only times of emergency or need.

Okay, end rant. That is not what this post is about. Moving on.

What was great this year when you weren't expecting it? Montreat. It was a pretty last-minute decision to volunteer for the youth conference as a small group leader, and an even more last-minute decision to have Nathan come with me. And then suddenly what I had been expecting to be a simple champerone on a church trip turned out so much better. Truly, a highlight of my year.

Who is the best new person you met? Liz. Hands down, Liz. Liz from Montreat, Utah Liz, LIZ. I don't want to be all sappy about her (again) on the internet, but she is super, and I can't remember the last time I met someone with whom I connected so easily and so quickly. And it has lasted, even months after the conference last summer. (Also, I think this year I started to re-claim my own extroversion. I love meeting new people and listening to their stories. My life hadn't afforded much of that in the past few years, and then in 2013 it was everywhere, and I enjoyed it. Liz was a big reason why.)

Who did you miss? These days I miss my sister a lot, especially since she spent most of the year pregnant, and last time she was pregnant we were pregnant together, and so it made me think of her, and us, pretty often. Every time Ashley and I visit, we just talk a mile a minute and hear each other's feeeelings and then suddenly it has been hours and we're exhausted but in a really good really connected way, and yeah I just kinda love her a lot and I miss her when she feels far.

What did you get really really excited about? Our trip to Chicago, a trip just for Mark and me. I get excited any time the two of us can get away together. We are great on vacation, and there is no one else I would rather travel with. I had a ton of fun planning it out and booking it (Mark and I both love that the planning is MY part of any trip) and then I looked forward to it for months. And then it was an awesome trip. Because of my excellent planning. And also because Chicago is lovely and Marky is great and blah blah blah whatever GOLD STAR FOR TRIP PLANNING, SELF.

Where did most of your money go? Mortgage, health insurance, taxes, school tuition, Starbucks.

What was the best thing you bought? The chromebook. I have my own computer! That I share with other people also, but whatever, we now are a family of more than just one computer!

What was your favorite show? The Mindy Project and Parenthood are the two shows Mark and I most look forward to watching. We also continue to watch the hell out of Daniel Tiger which the kids, especially Charlotte, adore. I know the jingle that goes with every episode, oh yes I do. Feel free to be very impressed. *brushes shoulder*

What was your favorite book? Eleanor & Park, by Rainbow Rowell. Her writing is beautiful and honest and clear, and the story is about young love. Like, real love. It is a really really great book.

What was your favorite movie? Mark and I went and saw The Secret Life of Walter Mitty the day before New Year's Eve, and we loved it. It was part sobering reality, part fantastical daydream, had beautiful scenery in Iceland and the Himalayas, and was easy and delightful to watch. 

How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year? How many scarves do you now own? Twenty-six. Come at me brah.

How old were you on your birthday, and what did you do? I turned 33, and I had a lunch date with Another Nathan and we did our traditional first peek through the mall to start forming Christmas lists. Then I had a fancy and romantic Laotian dinner date with Marky. And then a couple nights later we had mexican food and spicy cocktails at an empanada bar with some friends downtown. It was lovely and exactly what I wanted.

What was your biggest achievement in 2013? This rainbow cake.

Your biggest failure? My ongoing struggle to be more patient and kind, especially with the kids. Sometimes they drive me nuts doing things that are perfectly benign, and I want to react to that better. In those situations, my nerve-shot feeling is almost always about me, not them.

What song will always remind you of 2013? Imagine Dragons - On Top of the World. Yes, I know it was actually released a whole year ago, but Nathan and I sang it a thousand times wandering around Montreat and now when I hear it, that is what I remember -- our first trip there. Also A Great Big World's This is the New Year, which I used in his birthday video, was one of my favorite songs this year too.

What kept you sane? This is a serious question, yo. Sanity is no joke, and when I am able to come by it, I don't take it for granted. The precious hours Mark and I together many evenings, after the kids go to bed but before we do, are probably the most sanity-giving regular times in my routine. Also consistent support and friendship from Another Nathan, especially our Wednesday coffee dates and Tuesday post-choir blue moon chats, which are so healthy in need-to-vent or need-to-laugh ways, depending on the week. Also choir itself. Also my unlimited texting plan. Also library books. Also coffee. COFFEEEEEE.

What valuable lesson did you learn this year? Lesson still being fine tuned: not to let a bad day overwhelm me about my forever.

2012: The Year of Crazy and Coffee

{So by the time this is posting, we are hopefully on the island of St Croix preparing for Brad's wedding weekend. I haven't been sure how to sum up 2012 in a blog post like I normally do, but we're already a month into the new year so I am going to keep it simple and just answer some of these questions that bloggity and twitter friends have posted (A'Dell, Arwen, Elsha). (Except, changing some questions where I want to. We make the rules. Don't argue.)}

What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before? Got ulcers on my eyeballs, made a halloween costume by hand, fed formula to my child, learned more about psychiatry and mental illness than I ever cared to know, Holly Hill holy hell. And on a shallower note, I got brave enough to wear scarves even when I'm not wearing coats. One of my better fashion decisions, ever.

Did you keep last year's resolutions, and will you make more for this year? Hm. I don't think I made any real resolutions last year. My unspoken resolution was just to survive. Survive parenting three kids. Survive feeling batshit crazy all the time. Survive running a house without everything falling apart. This time last year I was barely keeping my head above water, and now I am... somewhat less of a hot mess? So, yeah. We will call that mission accomplished.

However, I would like to call attention to the resolutions I made for all you other people last year. Win: Nathan, Anneliese, Dad, Charlotte, Ashley. And not quite: Mark, Another Nathan, Bowden, Liam, Marmie. That's half accomplished! Not bad! (And this is all making me want to make some more bossy resolutions this year. Stay tuned.)

I do have a few goalsy things for 2013. I would like to be more texty with Mark, or just feel more connected with him during the workday in general. I want to send more emails. It's something I used to love doing, to write to a friend something more personal than a blog post, longer than a text or tweet, even if it's about mostly nothing. Every time I send at least one email during the kids' naptime, it makes me feel more happy and connected and relational. So yeah I will be trying to do more of that again. I'd also like to try two new recipes a month (more often than that isn't realistic; I do a lot of falling back on old staples because our evenings are chaotic). Oh and one major goal for 2013 is to go to Charleston in October and hug a whole group of internet friends who I (so far) only know online. (My 1998 self is completely appalled by this plan, in case you're curious.)

What countries states did you visit? A few trips to South Carolina. One to Virginia. But sadly nothing that doesn't border my own state. Dude! What has happened to us? *sigh* (At least we have an anniversary trip to Thailand on the calendar for this summer!!)

What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? A re-done master bathroom, finally. Some trees to replace the mulch mountain the front yard. A plane ticket to somewhere exotic. A year free of hospitals. Lots of sleep.

What would you like less of in 2013? Barf. Well, sickness in general. Barf, snot, poop, germs, all of it. But mostly barf.

What dates from 2012 will remain etched in your memory? January 9th. June 4th.

Whose behavior merited celebration? At the very top of the list: Mark, who supports all of us in that whole quiet loving wonderful Marky way. My choir-friend-turned-support-mentor, Martha. Another Nathan, who is the grand prize in the best friend lottery. My sister and my dad, who are always great but made me feel particularly loved this year.

Whose behavior appalled you? Um... Anneliese. Yeah I said it. Age two-three isn't my favorite. I am hopeful we will push through this stage and be smarter and better on the other side.

Who did you miss? Who? How about what? My bathtub, still happily living at our old house while I remain shower lonely over here. That whole bathroom makeover thing can't happen too soon.

Who is the best new person you met? A lovely doctor (who is not named Dr. Baxter) who makes me feel smart and competent and like a very un-crazy decent parent.

What was your biggest achievement in 2012? I... don't know. I don't know how to answer this. I never feel like I am achieving very much, although I recognize that keeping three children (relatively) happy and (relatively) healthy isn't nothing. I worked through some incredibly difficult mood and mental issues, and although it's still a work in progress, I guess I feel proud to have faced something that at the beginning felt really and truly crushingly impossible. So, yeah. That.

Your biggest failure? What's your favorite color? Probably still yellow, although I can't quit teal these days either. Or anything neon. Neon is still having a moment!

Where did most of your money go? Hospital bills, health insurance, mortgage, taxes, school tuition.

What was the best thing you bought? Several things come to mind: The playset out back, bought with Christmas money from Mark's dad. The new Holly Aiken bag I had craved for some time -- beautiful colors and patterns in the perfect sturdy size -- which has turned out to be everything I hoped and dreamed it would. And all the extra phone chargers Mark bought mean we have one in almost every room and one on each of our nightstands. A tiny thing I am hugely grateful for every day.

What was your favorite show? Mark and I love watching Parenthood together every week. (Ha we're such a cliche, I know. But it's really an excellent show about a fascinating family.) We also get excited when there is a new Mindy Project or Happy Endings in our dvr. But the biggest new show in our lives this year has to be Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, the re-imagining of Mister Rogers that comes on PBS. It is, in a word, superb. Sitting down to watch with Nathan and Anneliese is always sweet and fun. I *heart* you, Daniel Tiger.

What was your favorite book? My two favorites were John Irving's newest, In One Person, and also The Happiness Project, which I read a chapter at a time, a month at a time, over most of 2012.

What was your favorite movie? I am assuming this means in the theater, and we don't do a lot of that. But I did see Joyful Noise last January, and laughed and laughed. It's not that it was a brilliant film or anything, really, but it was sweet and easy and funny in such an otherwise dreary season that it has stuck with me. (The most truly excellent movie I saw was Argo.)

How old were you on your birthday, and what did you do? I turned 32 this year. Truthfully on the eve of my birthday I felt sort of complicated about it. For the first time in several years I wasn't surrounded by a big social circle to celebrate. Taking care of myself and trying to find a healthy life equilibrium was all consuming  for me this year, so in-real-life friendships took a back burner. And honestly I didn't even notice or care until very late in the year. Sad, huh? But all that to say, I had a lovely birthday dinner date with Marky, and then Another Nathan joined us for drinks and desserts, and I felt happy and loved, if quiet.

What political issue stirred you the most? Y'all, I cringe to get political here, this blog isn't really for that. But I can't not say it: I was crushed when NC passed a constitutional amendment this year to define marriage rights as belonging only to a man and woman. Common-law marriage, same-sex marriage, domestic partnerships -- all that is now gone. I respect that people have different religious understandings of what a marriage covenant looks like (my own faith assumes a rather broad understanding there), but regardless of what one religion might (or might not) say about it, I don't understand why all people shouldn't get equal rights under the law. I just don't.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year? Have you showered today? Good for you! Um totally. If "today" means "in the last 24-ish hours."

What did you get really really excited about? My college roommate Betsy's wedding last March. It was the last of my close Furman friends' weddings, and a rare time for our whole group to all be together. I looked forward to it for months, and it was very very awesome when it finally happened. Also got super excited about my week away in Williamsburg with just Mark. Which was also awesome.

What was great this year when you weren't expecting it? It's a tie between learning to read with Nathan (which could have been tedious and annoying but was instead delightful), and coffee. Oh, coffee, I freaking love you. I have long enjoyed a starbucks pick-me-up, but 2012, the year of new groggy-causing meds, was the year I learned to drink coffee, at home, every day. And I now I need it. Which is terribly lame and grownupish of me, but, there it is.

What song will always remind you of 2012? Call Me Maybe. Remember all the Olympians singing it? I should probably hate that song by now but I totally don't.

What kept you sane? "Sane." That's cute.

What valuable lesson did you learn this year? Fun happy moments and milestones keep rolling out even when you feel overwhelmed. And that's kind of a beautiful thing.

Happy Twenty Dozen

Hey it's 2012!

I can't get it up for resolutions right now, so this post is blissfully short. Just three things to say:

1.) It's never too early in the year for a somewhat awkward family photo.

2.) No, you let your son run around on the beach in January in a sweater and his underwear.

3.) We might be awkward but dang do we love each other.

Happy New Year!

Eleven Resolutions

I know some people don't buy into making resolutions, but as I've said before, I totally do.  Even if I fail.  I mean, why not at least try, right?

I should probably be very serious and smart and make some resolutions about being less of a control freak, and maybe less emotionally high-maintenance while I'm at it.  But those goals might be a little too lofty for a year that contains both the potential building of a new house and a pregnancy (I pray not simultaneously).  So.  I am setting the bar a little lower.  (No, eleven is not too many.)

1.) I will shower and get dressed every day.  (And  by every day, I mean I get one skip a week.)  It makes me feel more human and better about myself.  Plus I've gotten one too many compliments on my hair recently of the oh-it-looks-so-pretty-what-did-you-do variety, when the answer is um, washed it? brushed it?  Also when a friend hugs you and says oh you smell so clean, that's unus-- ... Yeah.  Likewise, the kids.  I'm totally going to bathe them at least once a week this year.  Really.  Hopefully.

2.) In an act of solidarity with my awesome sister Ashley and my favorite friend (Another) Nathan, I am going to try really hard to call this year twenty-eleven.  It's apparently important to them?  Or something.  And I'm inclined to agree: it's time to make the change.

3.) I fully intend to re-read all the Little House books and the Narnia books.

4.) I want to have a date night with Mark every week.  It sounds like a lot, but we did it this summer and it was so awesome and helpful and good for our marriage.  So when we have our 2011 family budget meeting (no it still hasn't happened **hangs head in shame**) we're going to prioritize this.

5.) No more profanity.  Eventually I would like to get rid of all of it (for realz, Mark is not a fan) but for now I'm setting the bar realistically low: definitely not in front of the kids.  I slip up more often than I should.  I need to nip it in the bud.

6.) I'm jumping on the Project 365 bandwagon (not in any official capacity though) and resolving to take a picture every day this year.  At least one.  Also this should give me lots of material to post new blog content every day which should keep some people (coughAshley) happy. The dailies just might become daily.

7.) I am going to be a less lazy housewife.  True story: I'm a decent mommy, but I'm not much for cleaning (see #1).  I'm going to get back in the pre-Anneliese habit of really cleaning one section of the house every week, so that it never gets so bad it becomes and overwhelming task. 

8.) Two people whom I love very much hinted that I should be more helpful.  Um, whaaa?  I think I'm pretty helpful already! Seriously?!  But after glaring at them for a minute then sleeping on it for a few nights, I decided it never hurts to be more helpful.  (I mean, I don't even have a job, right?)  So I am going to go out of my way to find one really helpful thing to do for someone else every day.  Someone hold me accountable to this and ask me how it's going in a month, ok?

9.) I'm going to ignore my phone less.  Truthfully, my default reaction when it rings is just to ignore it.  Yes, yes, there are times when I really can't or shouldn't answer, or legitimately am not in the mood to talk.  But I ignore it way more than just those times.  I mean, I don't even try to look at it while it's still ringing and see who's calling and discern if it's a good time to talk.  And usually I end up calling whoever it was back within a few minutes with a lame-o apology about not being able to get to it fast enough.  (Note: if I've fed you this line, it was probably just that -- a line.  I'm for real sorry.)  I want to make the effort to talk to people when they have made the effort to call me.  So I'm going to try really hard to change my default phone reaction from ignore to converse.

10.) I want to spend more alone time with each child.  Especially since we're about to have three, I'm going to have to be intentional about this.  I don't want alone time with mommy and daddy to become a precious commodity (been there, done that, handed down the t-shirt).  I want it to be normal and expected and routine and basically not a big deal or special treat.  I know this is really important to Mark too.  I'm not sure yet how to concretely state this resolution (half an hour every day?  one morning a week?) or the logistics of how to make it happen, but we'll be discussing it.  And prioritizing it.  Each of my children need me, and I want time with all of them individually, as well as family togetherness.

11.) I will get there in time for the epidural.  Basically if this happens, I'll call twenty-eleven a win.

The Requisite Resolutions Post

So... not sure what to do about those pesky resolutions this new year.

Two years in a row I have resolved to remove all profanity from my mouth and two years in a row I have failed. Maybe I should work on that, for real, since Nathan now officially repeats anything and everything. Plus, it just doesn't sound nice and it doesn't say a lot about my lack o self-control that I can't get angry without using ugly words.

Two years in a row I have resolved to be more active. I am usually pretty good at this in the first half of the year but then when the weather gets cold and the holidays roll around I start my sloth pattern. And the cycle continues.

Two years in a row I have resolved to lose baby weight. Technically I can't make this resolution again since I didn't gain any weight in Anneliese's pregnancy, so when she left my body, that put me at less than where I started. But I am most definitely still carrying around Nathan's baby weight. I like how if I call it Nathan's baby weight, it makes it seem like it's more his fault than mine. (Which it totally is. Come live with me in denial, won't you? It's fun here.)

One thing I do want to try this year is cooking more with Nathan. I keep reading and hearing that kids aren't such picky eaters when they have a hand in preparing the food. So at least once a week (no matter how hectic my evening hours feel), I resolve to cook a meal that Nathan can help with. I am hoping that introducing him to new textures and tastes and giving him a sense of ownership in the meal will make him a better eater (instead of all-carbs-all-the-time which is his current diet plan). Can't hurt to try, anyway.

Unlike the past two years, one thing I won't be resolving to do is be more intimate with my husband. The first year things went well but still didn't get where we wanted. The second year we got pregnant unexpectedly about two weeks into the resolution. So I resolve to never ever make another resolution about sex ever again. Except that one I just made. That one doesn't count. It starts... now.

How I Decided Not to Cloth Diaper

This picture pretty much says it all...

... But I will elaborate anyway.

This is a picture of my laundry room. Yes, that's a push toy and a car seat base on top of my laundry. Yes, my laundry is clean, it just hasn't made it back upstairs yet. Yes, I am dumb enough to put Bible study materials at the foot of my washer, and no I am not trying to drown Jesus. (Somewhere out there, Kiran is wondering, I'm sure.)

As you can see by my laundry room, I don't love laundry. Nor have I ever given anyone any indication that I do. Unlike my friend Hope, I don't even sarcastically allude to loving laundry, lest the message be lost in translation and someone think that I actually do. Make no mistake: I don't.

As I get closer and closer to making and executing the decision to be a full-time homemaker, I am looking for ways to trim our budget. Even more. And cloth diapering is a surefire way to do that. I have been tempted by the numbers: the startup costs are less for cloth diapering than I would spend on six months' worth of disposables (even after accounting for my incessant coupon clipping and bargain hunting and rebate requesting), which means the cloth diapers would pay for themselves four times over (or so) before Beanie is potty trained. Even more if I somehow get knocked up again. So this should be easy math, right?

Wrong.

There is a price on sanity. If this is what our laundry room looks like now, then Mark is right (yes, I am yelling it from the rooftop, sweetie... YOU ARE RIGHT): extra loads would make me miserable. Especially if, when left undone, they smell like poop.

So I applaud you cloth-diapering moms out there (unless you do it solely to "be green" and you live on a high horse from which you preach to everyone about it, in which case I roll my eyes in your general direction directly at you), and I am secretly not a small amount of jealous that you have managed to save your family some money and keep all the laundry done and stay happy. I wish that would work for me, but I'm trying to be very realistic, and I just don't think it will.

I am officially stocking up on Huggies for Beanie.

Oh! And yes, Simon did eat the drywall when he was a puppy.

Resolutions: One Month Later

How are you all doing with your resolutions? Still at it? Don't care as much anymore? Big plans for 2010? Don't worry, I'm not judging if that's the case.

How am I doing with my goals? Well, pretty ok, actually.

1.) Budget. The emergency fund is taking shape. We have had one major and several minor unbudgeted expenses, but that's what it's there for, right? Mark seems pretty confident that we are on track to meet our goal by the end of the year, despite the recent turn of events. Keep praying. :)

2.) Weight Loss. The prednisone (and I'll be honest -- baby) weight is starting to come off!! I have lost just over 10 lbs this month. Not a lot on my frame, but nothing to shake a stick at either. There is no way I will be continuing this progress, though. I will hang onto my healthy diet and stay active as long as possible, though, and only good things can come of it. Bonus - I have not had even one bit of fast food this month. Yay me.

3.) I have been a better wife (ahem) in some aspects. Some might say too good. (Me, for instance.) But not Mark. I think he will affirm this is one good thing you can't get too much of! The challenge is still going, and it's not too late to join!

The most important thing is that I am still totally hive-free. Which makes 2009 already seven times better than 2008. I'm anxious, nervous and excited to see if 2009 will continue to play out as well as it has so far.