Erin's Rules of Cell Phone Use

{Update 5/20: In catching up on blog posts I found this in my draft folder and it has nothing to do with anything; I wrote it a month ago (apparently on my phone, based on all the terrible typos I just corrected) and it amused me, so I'm hitting publish. Hi! You missed me in this corner of the internet, yes?}

With all the crap "old" people like to give "young" people about the "dangers" of cell phones and security and whatnot (all those quotes are because obviously the scolders and scoldees are not always defined by age or generational lines, but by how scared they are themselves of "technology" -- I don't think that word means what most people seem to think it means -- and frequently those people doing the most warning are the ones who least understand what they think they're warning about. Hence, "warning.")

ANYWAY I am here to be the person giving some crap back. Let's talk about current etiquette, because these things change, you know, and I would hate for anyone to be so out of touch that they are rude without intending to be, right? I also have many thoughts on social media (which, yes, is a relevant enough thing now that you do need to learn to do it well) but for now let's talk about phones.

1. Turn your phone noises off. Vibrate is okay, ring noises and notification noises and game beeps and music are not. There are some exceptions (wandering around the mall or the grocery store is... whatever), but for the most part, if you are stationary in a public place -- not only official meetings, but even in restaurants, waiting rooms, etc -- no one wants to hear your phone beep. Be honest, you're already staring at it anyway. You won't miss a notification. Turn it down. (Addendum: if you are too confused by your phone settings to know how to turn it down, you should not have that phone. Get one you can manage kthx.) You have a one-oops grace period on a noisy phone in public before people give you hate stares.

2. Don't call anyone before 10am or after 9pm unless you text and ask first, or have a standing thing, or a phone date, or whatever. (Somewhere my parents are applauding this. Oh how they fought to keep me off the phone after 9. I am with them on it now.) It is invasive and kinda rude. Just ask first. No out of the blue early/late calls.

3. Group texting is ONLY for people who ALL know each other. This is crucial and non-negotiable. I will repeat it: ONLY for people who ALL know each other. Don't loop me into a thread full of people I don't know, telling you something that has nothing to do with me or a group I am part of. Congrats on your baby's cute valentine card or your fancy new car or whatever, but don't tell me about it with a group of other people by text when I don't know them. Then I cannot get out of the thread! No.

3, let's review. I will say it again (in case you missed or think you're a special snowflake with a special snowflake reason to copy a bunch of people into a message who will then be riddled with replies from folks they don't know): group texts are ONLY for people who ALL know each other. No special snowflakes. Okay? Okay.

4. If you need to talk to someone in a public space airport/waiting room/etc, step away. We don't want to hear it. If you're the type of person who does this, I promise you are the type of person who also does it TOO LOUDLY. You are not important or interesting enough that we secretly are curious. Nope. You are who our grandparents warned us about with these newfangled portable phones. Go away.

I'm sure there is more, but that's all I've got for now. Whew. Glad to get that off my chest.