Allowance (And a Shopping Day!)

I feel like there is an ongoing discussion about allowance and kids - how old, how much, how to connect it (or not) to chores and/or behavior. We are about a year into our allowance system in our house, so -- here's what we do.

Both big kids (not Charlotte yet, since she can't count) get an allowance. They get $5 a week, of which they are expected to:
-- give 10% (church offering plate or the like)
-- save 10% (in a piggy bank, for bigger purchases which will involve a Together Decision with parents -- although neither of them has crossed this bridge yet)
-- and the rest is theirs to do with as they please

Based on the twitter chatter, this is more than lots of kids their age get, but part of the reason (the hugest part actually) that we wanted to give them an allowance was so that they could stop asking us for things, and learn that a finite amount of money means they make the choices about what they want to buy. And $5 is enough that they can actually get something they want. Which means they don't have to whine at me. So, this amount works for us.

(I will say, for both of them, in the first weeks of getting an allowance, they were both drunk on their riches and would wander around looking for something to buy -- just to buy something, anything -- which drove Mark and me nuts. But they grew out of that within a month or two, and it's better now. I know some grownups would do the same with a sudden influx of cash so I tried not to scowl too much, assuming it's a normal part of some money learning process.)

Okay so they each have a wallet and a piggy bank, and they divvy up their $5 every week into the proper pouches/pockets/places for each designation (we give part of it to them in coins to make this divvying easier) and when we are out and about, they buy their own things.

Exceptions: when we (adults) suggest an outing, we pay. We also pay for presents for friends' birthdays, and give them an extra budget at the holidays to choose gifts. And of course, we buy all of what we consider "needs" (clothes, school supplies, activities/equipment). Anything else they want, they can pay for. This system has all but evaporated the whining in Target.

Also, their allowance isn't tied at all to their chores or their behavior. We didn't want to send the message that, A: they "get paid" for doing chores, or B: that doing chores or behaving properly is somehow optional, with a consequence of less/no allowance. No, they behave because they need to behave. And they do chores because they're part of this family. And (I guess) (I hope) they will always need to be part of a household that will require work/upkeep/contribution, and they will never get paid for that, so no we aren't starting that mindset now. I don't know that there is a right or wrong answer about this, plenty of kids get paid for chores or rewards or grades or whatever, and it seems to work fine. This way just made more sense for Mark and me and our family.

Anyway, that's how we do allowance.

I should also say that with the upside kids making their own purchase decisions also comes the downside of... kids making their own purchase decisions. It means ugly things will come live in your house.

Exhibit A: meet Flower. She is a sequined rainbow cat purse, and she was the longing of Anneliese's little rainbow sequined heart. So she saved her money up and now we own this monstrocity and she loves it and I hate it and I have had to make peace with it.

(No, she does not keep money in there. She keeps a mint tin with the Seattle space needle on it, now empty of mints but housing one pressed penny, also with the space needle on it. She should do a "what's in your purse" blog post, yes?)

Mark spent a lot of time hand-lettering that cat nametag, can you tell?

Another of Anneliese's dreams was to take a trip to a mall with just mommy, where we could go into Claire's (the magical land she had heard about from her friends) and also look in any store she wanted, for as long as she wanted, and hey! that's a dream I can relate to!

So she saved her allowance for many weeks and we went with a full wallet and she spent every dollar and walked away happy. She got a stash of accessories at Claire's, including this ridiculous headband that she proceeded to wear all through one mall, and a lunch date, and then a second mall, without feeling silly or self-conscious in the least (I love her).

She also got a little bundle of wooden carved roses sprayed with piña colada scent, which is a kiosk I would have never in a million years walked up to, but she loves them and letting her wander where her heart calls is sort of fun.

She also got that buttefly necklace which came with a matching ring, and in the process of showing it to me to take a picture, she full on flipped me the bird while grinning, and I will not post that picture here, but will happily email or text it to anyone who would be delighted by that kind of thing.

I mean, she certainly delights me. Rainbows and fake flowers and bird flipping and all.