How Germany Defined Me

You know those moments, those decisions, those events in that really define you?  For me, there's a small handful of major ones.  Becoming a wife... sure.  Becoming a mom... of course.  My parents' divorce... most definitely.  But I think there's something that shaped me even more than any of those major life events.

Ten years ago today, I got on a plane and flew to Germany, to live in a little village called Witterschlick, on the outskirts of Bonn. 

It was for a study abroad semester, my sophomore year at Furman. And I would be so different today if I hadn't done it.  Yes, it's a total cliche to say this, but that trip totally changed me. 

It taught me confidence.  Hard to believe now, but a decade ago, the idea of going to a foreign country -- away from my family, my friends, my language -- terrified me.  I came very close to backing out of the trip, but after several long and tear-filled conversations with my Dad, I got brave and went through with it.  (I will always always be grateful to my Dad for that encouragement.  It stands out to me, especially in hindsight, as one of the best parenting moments in our history.)  And I did the scariest thing imaginable in that moment.  Which taught me that I could do it again if I needed to.  Suddenly I felt like I could do anything.

It taught me another language.  What I thought I learned in the year of German classes before I went abroad was kind of laughable once I arrived.  Immersion is what made me a comfortable speaker of German.  And being a non-native speaker in a foreign country forced me to listen carefully, talk less, and choose my words thoughtfully.  (It's a lesson I'm still learning.  Ahem.)

It taught me how big the world is.  And how much of it I want to see.  During my time in Bonn, I used pretty much every free weekend to take off and see some new European city.  (Thanks, mom and dad, for that Eurail pass... it might be the best money you ever spent on my "education.").  I even got brave enough to go on two trips alone (yep, the same girl who several months earlier was terrified to get on that plane) and loved it.  I didn't have much of a travel bug before I went to Germany, but now my inner yearning to roam the world and experience new places and people and drink in new cultures (like, take in, not get drunk in*) will have a huge influence on how our family spends our money, energy and time.

Ridin' the rails

It taught me how small the world is.  When you get right down to it, families everywhere are pretty much the same.  We all have people we love, kids we're proud of, and parts of our pasts we're ashamed of.  It's oh so easy to find the commonalities between cultures when you make a personal connection abroad.  And so much harder to regard other another country as an "enemy" when you have a friend living there.  (This truth really hit home for me on my second study abroad trip, when I lived in a house with people from 26 different countries!) 

It taught me how to be friends with all kinds of people. Unlike the lovely gals from my freshman hall (still some of my closest friends) who were all, um... very much like myself, the Furman delegation to Germany in the fall of 2000 was extremely varied, in personalities, talents, and backgrounds. Much more varied than I even knew Furman could be. Making friends with people who seemed so different from me was eye-opening, and permanently changing. Not only have some of those Germany friendships stood the test of time, when I did re-immerse back into the Furman bubble, I unhesitatingly made lots and lots of new and different kinds of friends... people who ended up redefining my college experience. Most notably, my college bff David -- a core-shaking friendship from someone who might have never even blipped on my radar if I hadn't learned the joy of getting to know different -- and interesting! -- people. I'd like to think I learned a little about how Jesus wants me to love, after that semester in Germany.

With Pamela and Hank, two of my favorite study abroad friends

It taught me how to be away from Mark.  We didn't go to college together, but we were still pretty darned close.  We both needed to learn independence.  Don't get me wrong, it was a painful lesson upon re-immersion... one that almost broke us.  But we're both so much happier having our own space, interests, and friends.  (Yes, there's an implied duh at the end of that statement.  But, it wasn't so obvious to us at the time.)

It taught me how to preserve memories.  I took a zillion pictures in that semester, and I scrapbooked along the way, even though everyone told me to wait til I got home and develop the film in the states for cheaper (yes, film... don't mock).  But I didn't listen, and I'm so glad.  The end result is a book of memories that captured things right as they were happening -- the jokes, the everyday living, the things that would have been forgotten if I had just tried to photolog the "highlights" later.  (This whole idea is totally why I write a blog.  Oh, the things about parenting that I would have forgotten had I not deemed them blog-worthy in the moment.  And I want to remember it all.)

With my host family -- Sept 2000

Most of all, it taught me how to love another family as my own. The Schroeters, my host family, should win some kind of award for bestest most awesomest super host family ever:

My host dad, Juergen, left breakfast for me every morning before he went to work. He taught me how to like beer (kind of) -- koelsch, it's the best and only kind worth drinking, don't you know? He nagged me to shut doors and turn off lights just like a real daughter. He did a great job pretending not to understand English (forcing me into German), and mastered the art of speaking German slower and louder to get it through my thick head (yeah, um, I still didn't understand). He always has a kind smile, and that's probably my favorite thing about him.

My host mom, Elisabeth, made us a pot of tea almost every afternoon, and we sat at the kitchen table with a big ol' dictionary between us, and stumbled through conversations in German (well, *I* stumbled).  She was patient with my questions, my language... and eventually my German got good enough that we could have real conversatons about real issues and she could give me wise advice.  She's a smart and capable career mom and I admire her so much. Also she makes a killer cream of mushroom soup. She's beautiful and wonderful and sometimes I get teared up just thinking about what a blessing and a gift she has been in my life.

My favorite pic of Elisabeth and me -- back-to-Bonn visit, Sept 2002

My host sister Claudia (who was 12 then) introduced me to Harry Potter, made me really love Britney Spears (she'd be ashamed of that now, but I'm so not), and taught me how to jump the safety rail when I got to the rail crossing too late to catch my train (dad, Juergen, don't read that). My host brother Jan (who was 15 then, and turns 25 today -- Happy Birthday Jan!) introduced me to German rap, gave me endless crap about my terrible grammar, tormented me on the phone when Mark called, and was a most helpful translating friend when I really needed to say something in English. Basically they were everything I needed in a little brother and little sister when I was missing my own.

I've been back to visit the Schroeters several times over the years, and we still keep in touch via email (as best we can, considering the ever-declining state of my German abilities).  Both of my parents have been to visit them.  Mark has been to visit them, three times!  They were awesome hosts to one of my college roomies who studied abroad (and lived with them too!) three years after I did.  And they were warm and welcoming to that aforementioned college bff David, who also later studied abroad in Bonn.  We even brought Mark's Clemson roomie and his wife to meet them, back in 2005.  And they came to visit us in North Carolina a few years ago -- we took them to Furman, stayed a while with my parents in Huntersville, and then I was so honored to host them in my house for a short while.  So clearly this is a family who is a Big Deal to me.

Schroeters -- 2007

Sometimes I wonder what I'd be like now if I had never been on this trip.  I certainly wouldn't have studied abroad again (in the Netherlands, my senior year) or tried to master a third language (Dutch... um, fail) or fourth (Russian... um, mega-fail).  I probably wouldn't have taken a travel-related job, and honed my sales and negotiation skills (something I didn't know I even had upon graduating college).  I probably wouldn't have jumped at opportunities to visit Africa and Asia.  I probably wouldn't vote the way I do.  I probably wouldn't be so brazen when it comes to approaching new friends. I probably wouldn't be consisering a language-immersion program for Nathan when he starts kindergarten in two years.  I probably wouldn't dream of showing my children new places and new idea and new people as a core part of their upbringing the way I do now.  The mind boggles.

So.  Defining moment.  Ten years ago.  And I remain completely and recklessly in love with the experience.

*Ok, maybe both.  :)