And he couldn't do it.
Which shouldn't be a big deal, I know. All the time, people try things for the first (or hundredth) time and can't do them, or can't do them well. It's a thing that happens on the reg. It's life.
But he was crushed.
He was just happy and grinning through his lesson, and had no clue it would be tougher than he was thinking and even though his teacher said focus, he didn't really, he just went at it without paying too much attention and then suddenly WHAM shocked eyes and trembling lip. He did an about face and walked straight to me with his face crumpling. (He has never run to me in a lesson before. Never.)
He was worried his teacher was disappointed in him.
More than that, he was disappointed in himself.
It might not seem like that big of a thing (he tried something, he couldn't do it, who cares, he also can't swim or ride a bike after many tries, and that's not breaking his heart at all) but I think it might be the first time he's ever felt disappointed in himself like that. It's not really about the board, is what I'm saying.
He spent the ride home quiet and a little tearful, even after staying late with his teacher and trying it again and doing just fine. And it's been several weeks now and it is completely forgotten, or at least he doesn't mention it. He has gladly gone back to his lessons and done great in class. When I asked him if I could tell about it, he said sure. So I don't think it's weighing on him now at all, as heart-wrenching as it was in the moment.
I don't know why I'm writing it now, it just seemed monumental as it was happening. I don't have any good take-aways or anything. No moment of parenting brilliance. Just hugging him because yep, sometimes we disappoint ourselves, and yep, I love you.
I didn't know what else to say.
4 comments:
In case this makes Nathan (or you) feel better... When I helped out with day camp at church they had a group of people from a Tae Kwon Do place come and do those interlocking-break-apart things. The counselors were encouraged to do it as well, and I failed miserably. So the fact that he could do it at all is pretty awesome in my book!
Aww.... so very hard to watch those kind of things. It's part of life. So glad he got over it. I love that little man!
Maybe the difference in the bike/swim and this, is that he WANTED to succeed at this.......I don't think he cares at all about riding a bike! I suspect he would do it if he wanted.
I continue to love stalking your blog. I loved this post. I can't tell you how thankful I continue to be for you and Merritt-- the brave souls who have not only blazed the trail of motherhood but documented the ups and downs so candidly.
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